Man In New Jersey Freezes Himself Until The Dark Knight Rises Is Released

Man In New Jersey Freezes Himself Until <i>The Dark Knight Rises</i> Is Released

If you thought Nolanites were "dedicated" fans before, just wait until you read this!

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By Gaston - 12/22/2011


Do not adjust your monitor and do not wipe your eyes. You did not read the title of this article wrong. A man in New Jersey chose to cryogenically freeze himself until the release of Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises!

24 year old Larry Hake requested to be put in a cryogenic chamber at the The University Hospital at Newark, New Jersey until next July, when the movie will hit theaters.

When asked why, Hake simply responded "What's the point? I have a shitty clerical job and no girlfriend. My life is a desert broken only by the occasional oasis that is Christopher Nolan.”

“Yeah, I mean, there’s no guarantee,” said Dr. Sanjuanita Perkins, head of cryonics and cryopreservation research at The University Hospital at Newark. “In fact, he’ll probably kick the ole bucket. This stuff is just theory and experiments right now. But I get it. I don’t want to wait for The Dark Knight Rises either. It looks freaking badass.”

Apparently, this is not the first time Mr. Hake had attempted to do this. He also tried to freeze himself in anticipation for another one of Christopher Nolan's blockbusters, Inception.

The Dark Knight Rises will be released in theaters July 20th, 2012. Let's hope that Mr. Hake actually survives the process and gets to enjoy it like the rest of us! He probably won't, though.
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48 Comments
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MrMurdock - 12/22/2011, 3:29 PM
Holy Santa Clause Shit! That is messed up.. but I kinda wanna do the same.
OverlyManlyMan - 12/22/2011, 3:29 PM
wtf, [frick]in' weirdo!
ecksmanfan - 12/22/2011, 3:30 PM
Dumbass.
GodzillaKart - 12/22/2011, 3:30 PM
What?!?!?? HOAX!
Irons - 12/22/2011, 3:31 PM
Satire...
OverlyManlyMan - 12/22/2011, 3:31 PM
MrReese - 12/22/2011, 3:33 PM
wow.......just wow
nuck82 - 12/22/2011, 3:33 PM
silly DC/NOLANITE fan lol
RunDTC - 12/22/2011, 3:34 PM
wow, he's so smart.....NOT!
MaddMonkk - 12/22/2011, 3:35 PM
i bet they wont do that with the Avengers, dammit.
MaddMonkk - 12/22/2011, 3:35 PM
Where's trudey, he needs to see this.
JDUKE25 - 12/22/2011, 3:36 PM
Spidey91 - 12/22/2011, 3:37 PM
if that guy is reading this:
nuck82 - 12/22/2011, 3:37 PM
lol someone already gave you a thumbs down
nailbiter111 - 12/22/2011, 3:37 PM
IT'S CALLED SATIRE ... it's not real guys calm down!
OverlyManlyMan - 12/22/2011, 3:42 PM
lol, 3 thumbs down...butt hurt nolanites :(
MARVELFAN1995 - 12/22/2011, 3:43 PM
http://youtu.be/871-3XMhtAk
Gyasiman - 12/22/2011, 3:43 PM
This is the funniest thing i have ever read.
MARVELFAN1995 - 12/22/2011, 3:43 PM
tweeeeenkies3 - 12/22/2011, 3:43 PM
WHAT. THE. HELL????

How can people be THIS stupid?
I have met some stupid people, but WOW.
This is as dumb as they get. Who the hell freezes their bodies for a damn movie?

Batman and Nolan are not that great. Sorry.
Spidey91 - 12/22/2011, 3:45 PM
@tweeeeenkies3
"How can people be THIS stupid?"

well,he IS a Nolanite,so... :P
Irons - 12/22/2011, 3:47 PM
Yeah I gave it a thumbs down, seeing as it wasn't posted with (SATIRE) in the title, and we all know there are people here dumb enough to believe this.
nuck82 - 12/22/2011, 3:49 PM
can i take back my thumbs up and give you thumbs down since its the cool thing to do
tweeeeenkies3 - 12/22/2011, 3:50 PM
@Spidey91....HAHA!
I may hate Batman, but Nolan is good.
I don't like The Dark Knight movies, but I am fine with SOME Nolanites...not these extreme dumb asses.
marvel72 - 12/22/2011, 3:50 PM
if this is true what a sad pathetic person,the only good thing about this will how quick it would seem to come round.

just like when you go a sleep at night,you fall a sleep 8 hours have past but it doesn't feel like it.

so being frozen would be like...

frozen then awake,so six months would past in no time.

unless it takes awhile to defrost. :D
WesleyGibson - 12/22/2011, 3:53 PM
Hey Dumbass, I'm Earth, have we met?

Lmao.
ISleepNow - 12/22/2011, 3:54 PM


MrReese - 12/22/2011, 3:56 PM
he is not a batman fan hes clearly a Captain America fan ;)
marvel72 - 12/22/2011, 3:58 PM
@ mrreese

XD hahaha that was good.
R888 - 12/22/2011, 4:02 PM
WOW REALLY ?????????????

THAT'S REALLY [frick]ED UP
nuck82 - 12/22/2011, 4:08 PM
@tea when im in your miss's i feel nothing but coldness, does that count? ; ) : P

lol
Spidey91 - 12/22/2011, 4:11 PM
I knew this would come in handy some day :P
nuck82 - 12/22/2011, 4:16 PM
lol maybe thats why its cold, im not in anything, thats why i got rug burn on my bells end!!!
DioFoRio - 12/22/2011, 9:21 PM
I don't get it? Is everyone in the talkbacks "pretending" to believe this or did you guys really believe this? Either way...it makes the whole thing funnier.
kingmonkeyman - 12/22/2011, 9:55 PM
He should freeze himself till Nolan makes a good movie. Might be a loooooong time.
croniccris - 12/22/2011, 11:29 PM
@kingmonkeyman yeah but then whos gonna decide if its a good enough movie to wake him up...123notit!
mapleleafsfan93 - 12/23/2011, 6:05 AM
what is that
mapleleafsfan93 - 12/23/2011, 6:06 AM
this man is retareded
batraider - 12/23/2011, 7:07 AM

This has The Onion written all over it. Funny that people acutally believe that someone with a “shitty clerical job” would have enough money to pay for this. Funny though…Teabag…how can you not counter the butt with BOOBS!!!
trytan - 12/23/2011, 1:56 PM
Im taking the better route, im building a time machine to jump to July 20, 2012. I only need a flux compassator. Any one got an extra lying around?
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