Versus polls: Ruined by menacing Bat-Fans?
Don't believe Batman can beat Galactus? This editorial won't change your mind. The comments might.
By MARK NEWMAN
CBM --- Of course Batman beats Doctor Manhattan. Popularity? Self delusion? Puppy love? Certainly not. In fact, here are four of the perfectly logical reasons why, on my favorite Comic Book Movie series of posts, (the "CBM FightClub" by TheWitness) Batman managed to defeat the undefeatable:
1 ) Pants. You may have noticed Batman often wears them, while Doc Manhattan usually does not. So Batman can carry stuff around his pockets. Stuff with which to defeat Doctor Manhattan. Like pepper spray. Or Kryptonite.
2 ) Driver's License. Batman is often seen motoring around, either in his Tumbler or, as Bruce Wayne, in a Lamborghini. Doc just teleports places. Not once do we see Dr. Manhattan driving. What's he going to do, take a cab to the fight?
3 ) Costume: Batman dresses like an intimidating bat. As stated above, Manhattan doesn't even wear pants. How will criminals, even the cowardly and superstitious ones, react when a bald blue naked man comes walking toward them?
4 ) Franchise Revenue: Batman has brought in billions! Billions. Watchmen the movie earned a total of $340 worldwide, though, to be fair, that is not counting $790 dollars in video sales to people who thought they were buying a TLC reality show DVD about watch repair.
Now I won't be able to post four great reasons every time Batman defeats Galactus or the Beyonder, so consider the following: There are some CBM members who will vote for a certain hero for no other reason than to make you (yes, I'm talking to you) mad. It's kind of like trolling, only they keep getting the same answers --- which makes them laugh.
Below are the four mystical comments they are seeking. Utter or avoid them at your own risk:
1 ) "You stinking fanboys! If you love Batman so much, why don't you marry him? Jeesh!"
2 ) "This isn't supposed to be about who you LIKE the most, fools! It's not a popularity contest!"
3 ) "Are you all crazy? With no preparation, how could Batman possibly defeat a mugger/ an enraged Hulk / our solar system's sun?"
4 ) "Batman? ROFLMAO. Jerks."
While my editorial opinion may contain a hint of sarcasm, I am being fully up front when I say that I love TheWitness' CBM Fight Club (and a few other "Versus" threads). So remember, while the fight between Daredevil and Robin (which Robin? I don't know. All of them. At the same time.) may be a heck of a brawl, some of the best and worst fights take place below, in the comment section. Whether the commenters impress you, surprise you, depress you or despise you, they are nearly always entertaining. Feel free to vent below.
(Mark Newman is a newspaper reporter, comics fan and smart alec living in small-town Iowa.)
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