First Review For Conan The Barbarian Hits

First Review For <i>Conan The Barbarian</i> Hits

The Playlist have just posted their review for Marcus Nispel's remake that screened at Empire's Big Screen earlier today. What did they think? Click to find out..

They hated it is the short version. I wasn't too enthusiastic myself after the trailers and the fact that it was directed by the man that inflicted Pathfinder on us but apparently it's even worse than anticipated. Here are some excerpts from the Playlist's review..

..Let’s start with Momoa. We’d had some hope after his turn on “Game of Thrones” that the actor might at least stand out in the film, forgetting that he only spoke half-a-dozen words of English across ten episodes. He’s fine at the sword-slinging, but delivery of dialogue? Not so much. And the rest of the cast aren’t much better: Lang is on sneering villainous autopilot, reprising his “Avatar” turn with an unplaceable accent, while Rachel Nichols fails to give any personality to what is, in fairness, a role that’s not so much underwritten as never-written. Worst of all is Rose McGowan, made up to look like a cross between Christina Ricci and an IMAX screen, and horrendously overplaying her part as Lang’s sorceress daughter...

..The director doesn’t bring any of his music video chops here: it’s thoroughly workmanlike stuff, and could have been made by anyone—at least the original came from the barking mad John Milius, making it feel something close to a passion project, rather than the paycheck gig this so obviously is for Nispel. The worst of it is how much he steals from other movies, and not even classics, but blockbusters from the last decade. The prologue, filling in back story, about a magical object being broken into many pieces and scattered around the world? “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy (films that Nispel presumably loves, as he lifts from it multiple times). A mentor/mentee training fight on an icy lake? “Batman Begins.” Fighting formless sand creatures? “Spider-Man 3.” Yes, this is a film that rips off “Spider-Man 3.” The fact that Nispel chose Morgan Freeman, of all people, to narrate is a good demonstration of the lack of imagination on hand.

There are been plenty of bad movies this year, but at least you feel that people were trying for, say, “Battle: Los Angeles” or “Sucker Punch,” they didn’t actually set out to make a bad movie. “Conan The Barbarian” just comes across as half-assed; a quick, cheap, cash-grab with nothing but contempt for its audience, something that would look shoddy even if it were the direct-to-DVD movie it so often resembles. And you should stay away from it like it was horde of bandits coming to burn down your village.

They also say that the action and gore are sub standard and the 3D conversion the worst they have ever seen. Basically they slate every single aspect of the movie aside from expressing some praise for the opening scenes. Now this is just one opinion, and The Playlist can be pretty harsh on movies I find, but it's not looking good Conan fans. Maybe another reboot in 2 years with Uwe Boll at the helm?

For the full review click the link below.


Posted By:
Mark Cassidy
Member Since 11/9/2008
Filed Under "Conan" 8/14/2011 Source: The Playlist
DISCLAIMER: is protected under the DMCA (Digital Millenium Copyright Act) and... [MORE]
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JoshWilding - 8/14/2011, 6:34 PM
Ha, knew it. :)
DaenerysTargaryen - 8/14/2011, 6:37 PM
well there's no suprise :P
xBlaze96x - 8/14/2011, 6:38 PM
Jeez, It is that bad???? Well there goes that one actors dreams of a sequel.
dnno1 - 8/14/2011, 6:47 PM
"There are been plenty of bad movies..."

Great review. Needs an editor.
MrJ - 8/14/2011, 6:53 PM
I don't know. Sounds like the reviewer was stood up at his prom by Conan and now he's using words to try and hurt him back.

I will reserve judgment until I've seen the movie for myself.
jbender - 8/14/2011, 6:53 PM
Screw reboot. CONAN THE KING Starring Schwarzenegger!!!
FightAs0ne - 8/14/2011, 6:56 PM
LMAO I knew this movie was gonna be wack!!
Ethic - 8/14/2011, 6:57 PM
It's been painfully obvious this would be a shitty movie from the get-go in my opinion.
But I said I'd wait til reviews hit, and it's not surprising in the slightest.
I honestly don't know why this was getting so much attention during production.
marvel72 - 8/14/2011, 7:00 PM
i said i was gonna wait for the dvd,i think i be worse than sucker punch & battle la is f*ckin terrible.
ironknight - 8/14/2011, 7:01 PM
I never trust critics to tell me what to think, so I will still see this movie sometime.
Sanderman - 8/14/2011, 7:02 PM
Man what a disappointment.
FEJ - 8/14/2011, 7:05 PM
So then it should have shown it on SYFY Saturday night instead.
sheebz - 8/14/2011, 7:07 PM
saw that coming a mile away
Greengo - 8/14/2011, 7:09 PM
,What did you exspect? Rose Mcgowan is in it.
MaddMonkk - 8/14/2011, 7:11 PM
Wow, I wasn't expecting "The Color Purple" but I didn't see this coming. I'm still gonna watch it because I AM A COMIC BOOK FAN. To be continued.....
Mechagino - 8/14/2011, 7:12 PM
Eh, stupid people say stupid things. Let's just hope our viewing experience differs.
Whovian - 8/14/2011, 7:12 PM
I am not moved. You will find me in line to watch it next week.
SeaSerpentine - 8/14/2011, 7:14 PM
RyanLantern77 - 8/14/2011, 7:15 PM
lol i called it. [frick] Jason Mamoa.... Hopefully he realizes now he is a shit actor

headlopper - 8/14/2011, 7:20 PM
That's too bad; Robert E.Howard deserves better. At least there's still the Dark Horse Conan comics. They've been good, even great, since issue#0.
JatevinM - 8/14/2011, 7:28 PM
Considering the first one wasn't all that good either this isn't really a big shocker, but I will say this to people go and see if for yourself and form your own opinion.
mpk1988 - 8/14/2011, 7:30 PM
Ouch.. was hoping it'd be a fun movie.. still.. will watch it when it hits the theatre's..
GodzillaKart - 8/14/2011, 7:31 PM
Too bad...had slowly developed high hopes. Oh, well. I'll see it for myself.
MasterBlaster - 8/14/2011, 7:50 PM
I'm not shocked, moama seems like a [frick]ing dumbshit halfwit. When it posted how he had "already written the sequel" I imagined a monkey scrawling on the walls of his enclosure. This idiots ego is what contributed to the failure of this franchise. Get a real actor next time.
MasterBlaster - 8/14/2011, 7:50 PM
I'm not shocked, moama seems like a [frick]ing dumbshit halfwit. When it posted how he had "already written the sequel" I imagined a monkey scrawling on the walls of his enclosure. This idiots ego is what contributed to the failure of this franchise. Get a real actor next time.
NeoBaggins - 8/14/2011, 7:52 PM
lol If this thing gets eaten alive by most critics, I can't even say I called it because it's so obvious. In fact, no one should pat themselves on the back for opredicting the demise of this turd. I wouldn't even rent this crap, let alone be caught anywhere near a theater when this comes out.

The summer movie season ended with Planet of the Apes.
SwingsetKnight - 8/14/2011, 7:52 PM
Well dammit. I somehow managed to convince myself it might be a kind of blah 50%-er for Howard fans.

*Sigh* Damn you, Nispel.
40oz - 8/14/2011, 7:56 PM
Wow. I can't believe all you people are acting like this is going to be a bad movie. First of all, that is the WORST movie review I have ever read. And who did the review? The Playfist? Or something like that. Don't you people have your own ideas and judgement? Be a leader! Not a follower! And ya know what, the movie not might be the best, or it might exceed your expectations, but don't go by someones review. All you people are acting like you have already seen the movie.
superpooper - 8/14/2011, 7:57 PM
Ha. Can't say I didn't expect that one. Looks like Arnold keeps the title after all.
Deadshot - 8/14/2011, 7:58 PM
A Conan movie must have heart (and i don't mean a love interest) judging from everything I've heard and seen from the film, this has none.
deanwilkins - 8/14/2011, 7:59 PM
I'll judge for myself. I like what I've seen so far.
Minotauro - 8/14/2011, 8:02 PM
Dissapointed. But will hold my hopes for it.
headlopper - 8/14/2011, 8:12 PM
@deadshot- yeah you're right. Conan isn't a shallow, mindless neanderthal- he does have heart and complex emotional depth. If that doesn't come through in the movie, the it's just a hack n'slash with a Conan sticker stuck on it.
avenger1 - 8/14/2011, 8:19 PM
i had my doubts when this guy said in an interview that he hadnt watched arnold's conan lol
Ranger14 - 8/14/2011, 8:19 PM
The reviewer sounds biased going into it and it is a poorly written review. I will see it and judge it myself. Remember all the initial negative reviews on Captain America?

The critic lost me when he said the sand creatures were a ripoff from Spiderman 3's Sandman. Really? One could then say that Sandman is a ripoff from The Mummy then? Or any other prior film that involved sand creatures, including some SyFy made for tv movies.
NeoBaggins - 8/14/2011, 8:20 PM
"Wow. I can't believe all you people are acting like this is going to be a bad movie."

Oh, nevermind. I just realized your name is 40oz. You must have drank one before posting that.
NeoBaggins - 8/14/2011, 8:23 PM
In all fairness though, some of those rip-off comparisons are off. The dust creatures look awful, but just because they are dirt-relating beings doesn't mean it's a Sandman rip-off.
P862010 - 8/14/2011, 8:24 PM
play-list is notoriously always negative they only like art house films imo
brewtownpsych - 8/14/2011, 8:25 PM
told ya ... always be skeptical of remakes ... particularly when the old version is good ... "contempt for its audience is right", like we will just pay for anything, which is why we shouldn't go to bad movies. vote with your wallet!
brewtownpsych - 8/14/2011, 8:28 PM
what is with this "critics don't know what they are talking about"? of course their opinion is no better than yours, but at least read the review and try to garner whether what he is saying is completely subjective or he has valid points. i think he was pretty specific. if you don't care if the director lifts ideas and you want to see bad acting and a shyt script to "see for yourself", then honestly, you are part of the problem and hollywood knows it.
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