FAN FIC: UniBeam11 & BombBasticBagMan13's Issue #7

FAN FIC: UniBeam11 & BombBasticBagMan13's Issue #7

UniBeam11 wants to introduce his silent partner in this comic script, so meet the guy who has been with me since the beginning; BombasticBagMan13. Shout outs to : Cipher, JonathanIsMagnum, JackofSpawnington, WorldBreaker, rockerdude22, BattlinMurdock and many others!

So, if you have read up this point, you have read the previous 6 issues and know that our heroes, Captain America and the Punisher were left to face the arena. Find out what awaits them as they enter the fight of their lives! Meanwhile our heroes Ares, IronMan, Spider-Man and Hellstrom are all locked up with the Sentry, see what Doom has planned for this raggedy bunch.

We would like to address, that at the beginning of the issue is a big paragraph form description of the action and what is going on. We weren't completely sure how else to format it because we know that our current format is not professional grade by any means but it works for us and feels easy to read and follow, hope you feel the same. But reading the action directions are not necessary, they are more for people feel compelled to read on and imagine what it would look like in panel form. You may skip it and it will not hinder your reading experience. So, please, no format comments :)

We would like to give shout outs to the people who have given great feedback and have read on here since the beginning. Big thanks to Cipher,Worldbreaker, The AmazingSpidey63, rockerdude22, JackOfSpawnington, Cardiakid,IronLeprechaun, BattlinMurdock, tweeeeenkies3, JonathanIsMagnum, RaimiSpiderMan and MarauderM. Thanks everyone! Hope you enjoy the read, thanks for the time and all of the great advice and feedback helping to shape this issue. Without Further Adieu, BombasticBagMan13 and UniBeam11 present Issue #7.

Issue 7

The Links to the previous issues are as followed if you feel so compelled to catch up if you have not already: (Issues 1&2) (Issues 3&4) (Issue 5) (Issue 6)

Thanks for reading and please leave your comments in the usual place. Feedback is welcomed and will be well-received, please keep it constructive! If you feel compelled, hit the thumbs up button! Help us make main! Thanks guys.

UniBeam11 & BombasticBagMan13
Posted By:
Member Since 12/23/2012
Filed Under "Fan Fic" 12/29/2012
DISCLAIMER: is protected under the DMCA (Digital Millenium Copyright Act) and... [MORE]
Jolt17 - 12/24/2012, 1:29 AM
Hey! Glad to see this series is still going. Anyway, I'd just like to notify you that I'm still trying to finish that sample art we talked about a few months ago (yeah, I know I delayed it for way too long, but blame the school stuffs for that), as 'this a holiday season, and I believe I'll be able to finish it soon enough.
95 - 12/24/2012, 10:12 AM
I like the story you're telling here. For the most part, you describe the action in a way that plays out in my head. Except for that action description, comparing Cap's struggle to dislodge the dagger to a stripper's pole completely drew me out of the story and felt really awkward. Rather than getting a better visualization, I just don't know what you were getting at.

I think you've given each character their own distinct voice, although Captain America* speaks in soundbites here and there (I think the "superhero civil war" like was completely unnecessary). *I read most of his dialogue in Russell Crowe's voice. Spider-Man is funny, and Frank has a natural rhythm to him... it mostly seems like something he would say. I caught myself laughing a couple times with the banter between the boys in the Holding Cell. Dr. Doom is perfect, and while I know nothing about the character "Sentry", his motivation was completely understandable.

The fight in the beginning was fairly engaging, I just happen to like how you balanced out Frank and Cap's contributions (who fights that, et cetera). The Nightcrawler escape was pretty clever (especially the set up with Cap looking into the audience).

I think the best part was the comparison to a game of chess (that won me over). The line about Xavier rolling through a screen door (LOL) and the Greek mathematician allusion really added another layer to the logic of the characters (specially Nightcrawler for that bit; genius men overlook simple stuff). I don't like the reference to Carrie, I already understood that Cap was bloody, so I felt like that was just to show your own film knowledge.
BombasticBagMan13 - 12/26/2012, 8:09 PM
I wanna start by saying how much i appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the comic. As Unibeam's formerly silent partner i have really enjoyed reading peoples comments and how they liked the comic. I especially appreciate those such as yourself who take the time to provide some constructive criticism because it helps us find our flaws and improve the quality of our writing. Sometimes something makes perfect sense to us or seems perfectly written but leaves the reader scratching his head.

Now if i could just pick your brain a little further. What do you mean exactly concerning Cap and the soundbites? Also i'm glad we made you laugh, we work very hard to splash humor in throughout each issue, on the other hand we dont want to completely take away from the gravity of the situation. We dont want this to be a comic where the heroes waltz through and deliver the villain safely to jail, we'll leave that to Superman. Any thoughts?

Once again thank you for commenting and i hope you and others continue to read, comment, and if they feel so inclined give us a thumbs up. Constructive criticism as well as your favorite lines/scenes are always appreciated.
giannhs - 12/27/2012, 11:05 AM
I like it, it seems that every character has his own voice and you make the reader say, hey this is Cap right there for example.

SteveIrwinFan96 - 12/27/2012, 4:15 PM
Great stuff here! But like everyone else said, more will be needed.
Niklander - 12/27/2012, 5:19 PM
Dude you made Captain America one of the most BADASSES In the whole story seriously goin up toe to toe against Doom!?!?! CLASSIC you deserve this dude for your hard work
RaimiSpiderMan - 12/27/2012, 7:53 PM
Incredible, much like the last, as soon as I get enough time I'll take a look over all of them even though I have tons of faith in your work, I'd just like to get a better idea of what's going on lol, but no seriously Uni keep up the good work.
GSpawn - 12/27/2012, 8:44 PM
You sir deserve this script to at least be a fan film I really enjoyed this shit, my ONLY recommendation is that there at least is a little more improvement maybe on how sentry thinks of doom, like when cap and punisher is fighting maybe show a side of how the sentry and void view it and how doom is treating "them" but other than that bravo my good man uni
BombasticBagMan13 - 12/27/2012, 8:54 PM
Thanks for the welcome cipher. I'm loving the comments guys all of you! Really makes me wanna sit down with Uni and get back to work! I gotta tell you sometimes its a struggle to make time and to work on the comics with school and all but the love and feedback we're getting is all the motivation i need.

@ cipher. I love your feedback but how about criticism? Any gripes with the issue? The compliments are fun to read but its the criticisms that really help us improve our writing and discover our flaws.

@Nkiander. Same to you man any issues with the issue?

Ghostfire - 12/27/2012, 9:41 PM
Simply.. WOW! Not only is this one of the best Fan fics I've read, I must say its one of my favs. Now I feel that I need to read the previous issues as well. I'm a little biased, so I gotta say my favorite part of the issue was Cap.. can't help it, ;). Great job guys!
comiccow6 - 12/28/2012, 11:19 AM
This is great, and I'm glad to have seen this before I go. You're dialogue is spot on, each character has their own distinct personality, and the story is great. Good work man.
ager - 12/28/2012, 8:59 PM
i like it theres a lot of feeling in each character. it was well written if not too much at one time tho. i wouldve liked less at one time but i read the whole thing any way so its not a if it was bad its just the ADD kicking in ;)
Invictor - 12/28/2012, 10:19 PM
This was another great installment, my great friend! I love the Carrie reference lol!
judoka - 12/30/2012, 3:49 AM
Why is fanfic on the front page of ComicBookMovie?
rockerdude22 - 12/30/2012, 11:34 AM
This is great guys! I really enjoyed it! Thanks for the shout-out! haha

I myself have been working on some scripts as well. Mostly for film haha. One of my scripts is an original superhero take I wrote and entered into a student film contest at my college. Still haven't heard who the winner is yet, but I'm still hoping. Even if I don't win, I might do it anyway because another student and I might be starting up a film festival at school and we'll all make our own films. If I make it, I'll be sure to share with you guys!
TheAmazingSpidey63 - 12/30/2012, 1:13 PM
Hey, hey!! First off, I just want to go ahead and congratulate both @Uni and @BombBastic for having Issue #7 being on the Main! Haha, hell yeah!! And it deserves to be 'cause all of us CBMers just simply LOVE this series and what you guys have done with the characters and the story. I also want to give a BIG thanks to my brosef, @Uni! Thanks so much for the shoutout and for telling me about this series, bro. I'm so glad and honored to be apart of something this huge and [frick]ing awesome. Again, thanks, bro! ;)
Now, I'm not one to usually go on the Fan-fic section of CBM everyday and read some of the stories and series that many CBMers have going on, but when I read the first issue of this series, I was fully entertained and was just enjoying it. A LOT! You guys did such an awesome job with the series and the characters in terms of the development/treatment of each character, their dialogue, their characters (their personality being shown in each issue), and, of course, the action! With the characters, I really enjoyed both Captain America and, my #1 favorite, Spider-Man (not that I don't appreciate the other characters as much, I do enjoy them a lot, but with Cappy and Spider-Man, they both stood out the most). I can tell you guys put in a lot of time and effort to have them being well-written and gave them enough attention throughout the series. I also enjoy the lines/dialogue that you've given them (especially Spidey!). Like in Issue #5 where Cap and Wolverine went to locate Ares in Mt. Olympus and Cap used little references like the New Jersey Generals and baseball to tell Ares about his position on the team. Just those subtle, and yet very important, things that you gave Cap can give the readers a sense of who the character is, where he's from, and how the guy thinks. And with Spidey? Man, you guys gave my hero such "Spidey-fitted" lines, it's just amazing (pun intended, of course). You guys did him justice when you balanced out his humorous, witty personality with his maturity and intellect. A great example of this is in Issue #6 where Cap discussed with Pete about what would happen during the arena and what might needed to be done (killing; taking a life). There was a great mix of Spidey laying out some jokes here and there, but not that much too to the point where he's just being nothing more than a douchebag jokester. You could also see him being calm and mature about what he and Cap were talking about, and that's just perfectly written with Spider-Man. So with that, I give you a standing-ovation! ;) Of course, the action that is in this series is also entertaining, as well. One example is with that "Past Sentry" vs "Present Sentry". LoL, that was [frick]ing brutal. Especially the ending of that little fight. [email protected]!! Again, such great writings with the fight sequences and action.
Now, for the criticism for this series. I don't have that much problems with it, but there are some few small gripes that I had during the series. The first one is with Doom. No, it's not his treatment of development or his lines/dialogue, it was just his lack of no sense of urgency (subtle urgency) of Sentry. I mean, Sentry, from what I learned, is both coocoo in the head and is EXTREMELY volatile and powerful (if I'm not mistaken, omega level powerful). It just doesn't feel like Doom has no sense of keeping Sentry under close, keen watch of everything he does. Maybe Doom has a back-up plan just in case Sentry back stabs him and goes all out on Doom, I don't know. Something like that would be nice to see in further issues. Another small little gripe that I hope you don't mind me bringing up is a title for the series. While reading each issue, I just felt that the title being absent from each issue is a big hole for me. If you guys could add in a title and more for further issues, that'd be great! If not, then that's a-okay with me. Another small gripe that I hope you don't mind me bringing up is the comma usage in each issue. Again, I do hope that you don't me bringing this up, and if you do, I do apologize. There were, in each issue, some unnecessary usage of commas that didn't need to be included, but that's it, really. I'm kind of a grammar nerd, so stuff like this I pick up. And one last thing that I have is with the "Past Sentry" vs "Present Sentry". It's really more of a question I have about it, not really a gripe. When Sentry came to Doom to kill him, and Doom casted a spell upon Sentry when he came rushing towards Doom, Sentry wakes up to find another Sentry, or "Past Sentry", beating the [email protected] outta him. I kinda got confused on where this "Past Sentry" came from. I mean, did I miss something in Issue #5 that explains where this "Past Sentry" came from or no? If you could clarify that for me, that'd really great.
LoL, sorry for the long-@$$ comment here, but I just really, really enjoyed this series. It's really that awesome. In each issue it keeps getting better and better. This is like legit Marvel Comics material right here. I want to thank @Uni again for bringing me into this and for keeping me up to date with the series. You guys have my support for this series, 150%. Keep this series going, and remember, stay EPIC, my friends!
BombasticBagMan13 - 12/30/2012, 5:59 PM
Wow, just wow. I cant begin to tell you how much i appreciate your comment. Me and Uni have been striving to do our absolute best with this comic and to finally make it to main page validates all the work we put in. Making sure that all the characters shine through as there own was one of our top priorities. I'm especially glad you liked Spidey cause he is my favorite character and sub-par work with him would not sit well. As for the title, we have been gnashing our teeth over that and have come up with some acceptable suggestions but haven't been able to pick one yet. As for your issues with doom, don't worry, its coming. The comma usage on the other hand, part of that may be bad editing and even a little laziness on our part. We have been more worried about having the comic chuck full of meaningful and entertaining content than some of our grammar. We'll work on it though. I'm glad you have really enjoyed the series and we promise to keep them coming. Thanks again for the comment man it means alot to us and i hope to hear from you again!
TheAmazingSpidey63 - 12/31/2012, 12:48 AM
@BombBastic - Oh, you're welcome, my friend. And you'll most definitely hear from me when comes the next issue and so on and so forth. When @Uni sent me the link to Isseu #6, I was tempted to just jump right into it, but I didn't want to to the series off like that. So I read from Issue #1 and so on. So my comment is like a big review on not just this issue, but from Issue #1 thru this one (pretty much like the whole series).
But yeah, man, I really did enjoy your guys' work on Spidey and how you've handled him so far. Just how I see Spidey--cocky, witty, and still maintaining his maturity on situations like what they're in in Issue #7. Very well-written, man. I also cannot wait to see what you guys do with Doom and how he'll become more of a big part of this series. Also, another thing that I want to know is what about the other Olympian gods (like Zeus, Hermes, etc.)? Was it like a one time appearance type deal with them? Or will they also be coming back for another brief moment in the series? Also, will there be more character being included along with Cap and the others? And as for the comma usage and editing and whatnot, if you'd like, dude, you can have @Uni send them for me to do the little editting like that. I wouldn't mind at all. I'd be priviledged to be a part of this series in any way. And I read up a little bit on Sentry (bio, background, etc.). And after reading all that and looking at your issue, especially at the end, I feel like you guys nailed him, as well. I'd really like to see more of this "internal battle" going on with Sentry (which I know you guys will do). An inner conflict like that with a character can take the story to different heights and levels. Unexpected twists and turns. But yeah, man, you're most certainly welcome for the feedback and I'll be waiting on the next issue. Again, congrats and keep it up. ;)
DioFoRio - 2/4/2013, 12:10 PM
good work boys!keep it up!

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