NOVA'S FUNHOUSE: Playing By The Rules

NOVA'S FUNHOUSE: Playing By The Rules

Deadpool finally gets around to that game of golf with Taskmaster. This one's been looong in the coming, so savour it. Hit the jump to see what lies ahead...

In case you didn't exist on the site when I wrote the prelude for this, here's a link to the script that started it all: Nova's Funhouse: Breakfast With Wolverine And Deadpool

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We see Deadpool at the tee, Taskmaster leaning on his club beside the merc with the mouth. Deadpool stands there, mock swinging his driver for a while. Taskmaster gets irked off.
TASKMASTER
C'mon, Wade, I never analysed how to not die of natural freakin' causes.

DEADPOOL
Ha, that was a good one, you should  do more comedy work.

TASKMASTER
Well, when you hang around a joke like you long enough, I guess it just rubs off on ya.

DEADPOOL
Haha, [frick] you...

 
Deadpool swings and hits the ball.
 
DEADPOOL
It's in the hole!

 
The ball lands in the rough behind the green. Taskmaster smirks.
 
TASKMASTER
No Caddyshack reference is gonna save yer ass now.

DEADPOOL
Oh I dunno, I think chasin' a gopher around a golf course would be more productive than playing with you.

TASKMASTER
Right back atcha shrimp-dick.

 
Taskmaster sets up his shot and without so much as looking at the ball, he swings the driver, one handed and strikes the ball perfectly. Deadpool watches in awe as the dented sphere soars toward the green and lands directly in the hole.
 
DEADPOOL
Logan was right, I never should've agreed to this.

TASKMASTER
You offered to play with me, Wade, if anything I should be the one regrettin' shit.

DEADPOOL
But you're winning! That's the ninth hole-in-one you've had, butt-munch!

TASKMASTER
I'm not even keepin' count. It's more fun that way. Plus, I knew I'd win.

DEADPOOL
Yeah, well, sometimes I think about you when I'm jerkin' off!

TASKMASTER
I don't have the slightest clue how that's offensive to me.

DEADPOOL
'Cause I like to think, "Hmm, I wonder if Tasky watched some gay porn he'd be able to do this better than me."

 
Taskmaster's brow furrows as he stares at Deadpool. The merc stares back, arms outstretched in a "Your move" kind of way.
 
TASKMASTER
Alright, I want you to never go near that train of thought ever again, or I'll gut you like a trout, and I mean exactly... Like a trout.

DEADPOOL
See now I'm just seein' you all fisherman-ed up on a sailin' boat watchin' some ol' seadog gut a freakin' trout!

TASKMASTER
You're pushin' it, Wade. You're really freakin' pushin' it.

 
They set off to the next hole where Deadpool once again sets up his tee. He rifles through his golf bag and pulls out his putter.
 
TASKMASTER
The [frick] ya doin'?

DEADPOOL
Well, that other one hasn't done anything good all day, I'm gonna try this one.

TASKMASTER
Wade. That's a [frick]ing putter. You don't tee off with a putter.

DEADPOOL
Correction: You don't tee off with a putter. I am just about to.

 
Deadpool lines up his shot and swings the putter. The ball goes flying throught the air and by some stroke of luck, it lands on the green just beside the hole.
 
DEADPOOL
See, Tasky! Ya don't always need to play by the rules! Ya can always just do whatever the [frick] ya want.

TASKMASTER
I've been livin' by that motto since I was fourteen, now get the [frick] off the tee so I can tee off.

 
Deadpool moves out of the way. Taskmaster sets up his ball and prepares to take a swing. Just before he brings the club down he beats Deadpool around the head with the club. Deadpool's head spins a few times, the neck is completely snapped. His body slumps to the floor.
 
TASKMASTER
I bet that ain't in no [frick]in' rule book.

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Posted By:
NovaCorpsFan
Member Since 2/7/2013
Filed Under "Fan Fic" 8/17/2014
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28 Comments
Kong - 8/17/2014, 7:48 PM
Why can't I write Deadpool like YOU!!! Lucky duck....
NovaCorpsFan - 8/17/2014, 7:50 PM
@RedNTheHood
Just imagine being that crazy. That's what I do.
Kong - 8/17/2014, 7:51 PM
@NovaCorpsFan

i don't think I can bring myself to that level, but I'm glad you can.
Doopie - 8/17/2014, 7:52 PM
laughed my ass off at this. for some reason I was picturing cipher saying deadpool's lines.


i need to finish up my Howard the Duck/Deadpool crossover man - I think you'd love it Nova
NovaCorpsFan - 8/17/2014, 7:53 PM
@Doopie
I know I'd love it!
MrBlackJack - 8/17/2014, 8:39 PM
Gah, you rat bastard! You kept teasing me with those CBM 101 articles! I had the perfect comment lined up!
MrBlackJack - 8/17/2014, 8:41 PM
And I approve of this fanfic.
MrBlackJack - 8/17/2014, 8:41 PM
BenjiWest - 8/17/2014, 8:57 PM
Funny shit Doop!! Great take on taskmaster.
NovaCorpsFan - 8/18/2014, 4:14 AM
@BenjiWest
... Think you wrote the wrong name there, haha.
Doopie - 8/18/2014, 4:33 AM
don't lie Nova - I write all your stuff!!
Abary - 8/18/2014, 6:22 AM
Your work with Deadpool is amazing. You working on a full length script for him? Because I'd definitely read that.
DCGuy - 8/18/2014, 6:54 AM
0/10 not enough DC bruh, PFFFT do you even trust/Believe in Snyder brah?!

A for effort tho, I did not read it but I feel kinky giving you thumbs up
cipher - 8/18/2014, 9:19 AM
Howard the Duck/Deadpool crossover? Sounds awesome.


Nova, writing the crazy ones is the most fun, I'd imagine. It's the same thing with acting, you've got to sorta just.. go to the darkest corners of your mind, and go nuts, y'know? You just start tearing down all those walls. You said that Carnage is one of your favourites to write, yeah?
NovaCorpsFan - 8/18/2014, 9:20 AM
@TheAbaryMan369
Maybe next Summer after my final exams when I'm free to do whatever the [frick] I want. Might even write it on a beach at sunset. Just to create the sense of true freedom.

@Doopie
Shhh, we can't have them knowing the secrets.

@DCGuy
Tell you what, I'll do a DC one just for you.
NovaCorpsFan - 8/18/2014, 9:23 AM
@cipher
Heck yeah! Carnage is just brilliant to write and read because of how deranged he is. I prefer writing villains and anti-heroes and when I am writing a proper hero, I tend to make a joke out of them. And I know what you mean with the going to the darkest corners of your mind and stuff. It's an experience in itself to see what crazy shit you can come up with.
cipher - 8/18/2014, 9:27 AM
Wasn't Carnage your first avatar? Yeah. I think I remember that.

You had just signed up and introduced yourself, and you were asking us how to set up an avatar. I was gonna help you out, but Kamen beat me to it.

I was still "the new guy" at the time, myself. I'd only been here a couple of months at the time, and I wasn't actually planning on sticking around at first, heh. I'm glad I did, though.
cipher - 8/18/2014, 9:27 AM
Ha, yeah, man. You got it.
NovaCorpsFan - 8/18/2014, 10:33 AM
@cipher
Carnage was indeed my first avatar. Man, I miss Kamen.
BenjiWest - 8/18/2014, 11:07 AM
Oh Shit You're right @NovaCorpsFan... Damn, I just wanted to say how I loved your characterization of taskmaster here! And I'm always trying to type quick before I sometimes get booted off. Now, we could have Nova at the bar, enjoying his drink. Then doop slams the door open and........
NovaCorpsFan - 8/18/2014, 11:14 AM
Blam! Bullet to my head.
BenjiWest - 8/18/2014, 12:09 PM
LOL!!!!!!!!!! We must have vengeance!!!! Don't worry Nova, I was walking around the other day a came across a severed hand holding a light saber......CUE TEXT CRAWL!!!!!
Doopie - 8/18/2014, 12:28 PM
wait am I shooting Nova now??? not my style really - I'm more of a melee weapon kinda guy
BenjiWest - 8/18/2014, 1:52 PM
Doop, you know damn well that a shotgun is not a melee weapon!
Doopie - 8/18/2014, 1:56 PM
if you use the butt it is! and i always use the butt....wait that sounds weird
BenjiWest - 8/18/2014, 2:20 PM
You stay away from that butt stuff, it's no good for you!! I'm having to watch this super cheesy lifetime movie with my girl, something about a high school chick being abused by her douchey boyfriend. And the whole time I'm thinking, this movie could definitely use more Rocket Raccoon!!!! I smell sequel! Someone get me Hollywood on the line, no! Better yet, Bollywood!! The film will be 13 hours with 21 dance numbers, with a showstopper groot number, about how he's so lonely.
NovaCorpsFan - 8/18/2014, 4:07 PM
@BenjiWest
That sounds incredible, I'm willing to fund production.
DCGuy - 8/18/2014, 6:19 PM
@NovaCorpsFan

MY BODY IS READY!

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