NOVA'S FUNHOUSE: "You're At A Picnic..."

NOVA'S FUNHOUSE: "You're At A Picnic..."

Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern play a game of chess with Plastic-Man as their spectator. When personalities collide, what does the idiot make of the discussions? Find out after the jump.

This one's for DCGuy as I know he's been hankering for more DC stuff with these Funhouses.
 

We see Martian Manhunter and Green Lantern sat on opposite sides of a table with Plastic Man behind the table, the back of his chair facing the table as he is. Manhunter makes a move.

PLASTIC MAN
How do you two eggheads do this crap?

MANHUNTER
I know using one's brain is a lost concept to you, Plastic Man, but others find it quite enlightening.

 
Plastic Man stretches his head over to Lantern's ear.
 
PLASTIC MAN
That was a shot at me, right?

LANTERN
You bet your ass it was.

 
Lantern makes his own move, taking one of Manhunter's rooks with a pawn.
 
PLASTIC MAN
This is so unrealistic.

MANHUNTER
Do enlighten us, we're quaking with the anticipation of hearing your observations.

PLASTIC MAN
How come the little knobbly ones can beat the huge ones? That doesn't make any sense!

MANHUNTER
As a matter of fact, from a philosophical standpoint -

PLASTIC MAN
Oh, here we go, more of this philosophy B.S. Do you two ever just think, "Y'know what? Maybe we just exist. Period."?

LANTERN
To think like that'd be like relinquishing all cosmic awareness. Something I'd consider a tragic loss. Knowing is half the battle, bud.

PLASTIC MAN
But you don't know nothin'! You're just guessin'!

MANHUNTER
That's the beauty of it. Independent thought.

PLASTIC MAN
Y'mean like morning wood?

 
Both Lantern and Manhunter raise a hand to their foreheads.
 
MANHUNTER
At its most basic level: Yes. Now please, leave us to this, Plastic Man. Your presence alone is tasking for my nerves.

 
PLASTIC MAN
Gawd, you sound just like Wondah Woman when she catches me in her quarters. And besides, ain't nobody around the Watchtower, the second shift's been up to all sorts o' weird shit lately.

MANHUNTER
I am aware.

 
Manhunter makes a move with his Queen.
 
MANHUNTER
Check.

 
PLASTIC MAN
Right away, sir! Did you have the caviar as a garnish or a side dish?

LANTERN
It's times like these I find the universe is testing me.

PLASTIC MAN
Or there's always the obvious option. I'm a royal pain in the ass!

MANHUNTER
Plastic Man, by the deformed surface of Phobos, if you don't get out of here right now, I will have Hal throw you into the nearest wormhole.

PLASTIC MAN
It'd be more fun than watchin' you's two jerks move replicas of Pinnochio's wang around on a board for five and a half hours!

 
Manhunter grabs Plastic Man by the neck.
 
MANHUNTER
I mean it, you invalid little twerp!

PLASTIC MAN
Calm down, double-M, jeez... You'd swear your race was extinct.

 
Manhunter's face goes pale.

MANHUNTER
You have five seconds.

PLASTIC MAN
Or what, you'll bore me to death? That'd take less than five seconds, believe me.

LANTERN
Jesus Christ, would you two just shut up! Every time we sit down to try and kill a few hours, one of you two ends up in another dimension, or trapped in the engine room or even dueling by constantly changing your freakin' appearances! So for once, can we please just play a game of [frick]ing chess?!?

 
Manhunter and Plastic Man look at Hal for a second. Manhunter releases Plastic Man's neck. Plastic Man pats Hal on the shoulder.
 
PLASTIC MAN
I'm sorry, Hal ol' buddy ol' pal. But if you think about it... It's always his fault.

 
A green fist knocks Plastic Man uncosncious. He falls to the ground in a wiry mess. Manhunter gestures to the table and Hal moves a pawn to block the Queen from his King. Manhunter moves a knight.
 
MANHUNTER
Checkmate.

LANTERN
Hang on a second, we were two moves from finishing and you still knocked him out?

MANHUNTER
Hal, imagine you're at a picnic. A bee keeps buzzing around your food. He wants your food. You swing at him to get him away but he keeps buzzing out of the way. Finally you hit him and finish your food in one bite. Do you feel sorry for killing the bee?

LANTERN
No, I guess not.

MANHUNTER
Exactly. Now, let's head Earthside and get a drink.

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Posted By:
NovaCorpsFan
Member Since 2/7/2013
Filed Under "Fan Fic" 8/18/2014
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