If you haven’t gone full inception matrix and read the last two pieces, I urge you to do so. First one is HERE, second is HERE. What I might say here will shock you, and make you so confused you might commit a terrible crime. I urge you to not do that, and instead just go and do some cocaine and act like Charlie Sheen, who is:
As I revealed, many of the users here were created by Galactus and NateBest, who was murdered by Eric Cartman, and NateBest is now controlled by Mr. Mackey, of course. I decided to dig deeper than my last “editorial”(as if I could!!) and find who controls Mr. Mackey. I must say, it was Da Vinci Code National Treasure shit going down, man.
So, as we all know(besides me, I was just informed today) South Park is a fictitious and popular television show. So most likely a nerd dressed up as Eric Cartman and Mr. Mackey, and takes his CBM news very seriously. So this nerd killed the “lovely” NateBest and Galactus, assumed a position of power using NateBest’s identity, and wrecked shit. But who control’s this unnamed person? Let’s figure that out.
That’s right. HYDRA. HYDRA wanted the best news possible for their favorite comic book movies. They hired assassins to hire an obsessed nerd, who then pretended to be Mr. Mackey and Eric Cartman, and of course eventually NateBest and all the aforementioned users in my first EDITORIAL in this groundbreaking series.
That's right, myy editorial caused a goddamn earthquake. Well, I was JUST told HYDRA is a fictitious entity as well, so FML. What next? The leprechaun who gave me free candy and lets me donate blood from my ass when I was little is fictitious to? WHAT THE [frick]?(Doubt it though, I had to say great things about him in this fancy building with people in fancy suits and cops as well. Never saw HIM again…) Anyway, so HYDRA was likely a fake organization for someone to hide behind… But who??
Barack Hussein Obama. Of course! We have been blind to it the whole goddamn time! He has been spying on us with the NSA, but really is using it to get CBM scoops, and sometimes get’s it right, sometimes of course, not so much. I had to dig deeper though. Who controls Obama?
Me. I’ve been in some deep shit apparently. I hired Obama, who hid behind a fictitious organization(HYDRA) who hired a passionate fan who loved CBM’s and South Park, apparently, and then dressed up as Eric Cartman, and then killed NateBest and Galactus, and then pretended to be Mr. Mackey for a while, and then I killed him, and assumed control over all the following accounts: NateBest, JoshWilding, Gusto, SageMode, PsychoManiacJacky, RorMachine, McGee, Manitinium, MrBlackJack, nailbiter111, yossarian, Intruder, Pasto, DCMarvelFreshman, cipher, Jollem and staypuffed. So you might just be a figment of my imagination. Which makes total coherent sense, of course. Who am I, you ask?
Nicolas [frick]ing Cage. That’s [frick]ing right. I can do anything. So now I’ll be a [frick]ing pair of siamese cat’s and end this amazing, groundbreaking Pulitzer Prize winning(before it’s even released) editorial.