GUSTO REVISITS ANG LEE’S HULK…

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By Gusto - 3/13/2012
Hi All…
You may know me from such things as, “Wow…who’s that hot stud talking to Tea’s ugly ass?”, or, “Weird, is that Brad Pitt?”…but, today I’m here about movies!

Tea's Comic Con/Rape outfit.

HBO sucks…and, they’ve been replaying Hulk a lot recently. So, I, drunkenly, watched it...again. And, now…that sexy breakdown!
Ok, as cliché as it sounds…It wasn’t a horrible movie. But, it was a horrible Hulk movie. What a lot of you younger guys/morons don’t get…is that the Silver Age of comics was way, way more campy that the recent years. I hate to give that jerk (albeit genius) Alan Moore any credit as creating a watershed (again…cliché) moment,

but…he did (Frank Miller greatly helped/added to that). Comics got way more “mature” post-Watchmen. It’s a fact, Jack. X-Men kinda got serious in the late 70’s. But, I digest…point being, a lot of the guys writing/directing/producing now…grew up in the Silver Age…much like our own Hawksblueyes…who’s super old and out of touch. And, are going off , at least in memory, different source material. Point being, Mr. Lee took the campy a bit too far.
Wow...his eyes are blue!

Anyway, Hulk (2003)…sucked, agreed. But, it really had some redeeming qualities. Chiefly…the cgi. And, before you crybabies start…Avatar was not that impressive on my super-awesome 1988 Hitachi TV/VCR/Hot Plate combo.

Also, the first fight…with the puppies…sucked and shouldn't have.
Wow, could have been awesome. Well shot. Well storyboarded…etc. But, the friggin’ poodle. It took me so many seconds to get over just how dumb that was…bam…cool scene…ruined like Nuck’s underpants on Taco Tuesday.
He should have gone with all pit bulls…would have been scary. Like me.

The look…of The Hulk…ahhh…wasn’t totally unforgivable. Yeah, a bit ‘bright’, but, whatever. Could live with it.
The desert fight…awesome! Had that not ruined it with the stupid set up. That’s the level of power a fan of 70’s Hulk should have. ( *Sexy Dude note…I also liked the more pissed=bigger he got, which the Norton {my fave} Hulk lacked).
The Electricity Dad villian? Yeah…this is why Hollywood should do way more drug testing. The end.
Ahhh! Electric Dad!

The end…I liked that he had to release his anger/in a way embrace it to win…but, yeah…Electric Dad ruined that just on sheer dumbnicity.
But, I put it up there with GL…not as horrible as the hype. Not how I would have spent that dump truck of cash. Still better than Bendevil or Hex.
Your Pal,
Gusto/Thunder Bunz. Oh, and...Shane dies.

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23 Comments
nuck82 - 3/13/2012, 5:33 PM
the dad was a rip off of absorbing man, sad to say. the dog battle minus the pink poodle would have been good, and i like jennifer way better as betty... i felt that the movie just dragged along, it seemed so slow, you know like gustos old man sex drive.
RunDTC - 3/13/2012, 5:40 PM
@yossarian: HOLY CRAP! THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE!
Ghostt - 3/13/2012, 6:19 PM
nice write up GUsto. And good comparison to GL: "not as horrible as the hype"

Ang Lee is a good director, but his decision to make a slow, introspective Hulk was terribly wrong. Hulk is the epitome of rage, and no movie has captured that yet.

Still the desert scene ranks in my top five CBM fights.
Greengo - 3/13/2012, 6:31 PM
"but I digest"

Lmfao : )

Gusto's on a mission!
Greengo - 3/13/2012, 6:32 PM
GD it teabag!

Leave GL alone!
Greengo - 3/13/2012, 6:49 PM
Lol. Easy target
valeriesghost - 3/13/2012, 7:08 PM
Just for you, Gusto

valeriesghost - 3/13/2012, 7:08 PM
and one for everybody else

valeriesghost - 3/13/2012, 7:16 PM
lol :P

is this more fitting for the article.
Greengo - 3/13/2012, 8:47 PM
Fail
ThaMessenger07 - 3/14/2012, 7:53 AM
Pretty good Review/Revisit. Not your best piece of work, left me with the impression nuck helped you....
Betty - 3/14/2012, 8:20 AM
me likey! penis!
AlternateNo4 - 3/14/2012, 8:53 AM
great and hilarious article. i still like that movie, despite its divergence from canon... i think of it as an awesome "alternate universe" film. and since hulk is really the only marvel i ever was a major fan of (well, not counting kull and conan) i humbly explain why...

1) you know, i never thought of nolte as a ripoff of absorbing man, i just thought of him as BEING absorbing man in ang's universe. i was actually psyched that they used the character.

2) i LIKED the bright green. i mean, hulk wasn't supposed to even BE green in the first place, and it IS kind of random... so i thought it was awesome that ang found a legit way to explain it. since the green came from bioluminescent dna, it made sense to be THAT bright.

i also liked the softer look that so many people call "fat hulk"... i think of banner as gaining huge amounts of mass, but he's not doing p90x so why would he be super-shredded like in TIH?

3) lastly, though i know the poodle was too much for most fans to swallow (though i know there are some semi-professional "swallowers" on this thread) i liked that too. i thought it paralleled banner himself as a "creature that nobody thinks of as being a badass suddenly being a major badass."

now crucify me.
DiLusso - 3/14/2012, 9:05 AM
this is by far the funniest review /post rant i have read in ages on cbm. i applaud you sir
Gmoney84 - 3/14/2012, 9:35 AM
@Tea, man, that costume is amazing! Did you do that all by yourself?
BlazinTexan - 3/14/2012, 9:54 AM
GUSTO your like our very own RainMan. I might take you to the dog track.
SHHH - 3/14/2012, 10:58 AM
Best Review Ever...
HonestFan - 3/14/2012, 11:06 AM
"Don't make me Ang Lee... you wouldn't like me when I'm Ang Lee" - Hulk
SpiderFan35 - 3/14/2012, 11:17 AM
Wow Gusto, I did not know you were such a creative writer, nice article. Amusing without being corny, analytical without being preachy.

And a picture of a cat in a tank.

Ang Lee was trying too hard imo, if he had just let things be more natural without cheesing it up with atomic poodles and flashy comic booky animation it would have been much better.

I liked the desert fight too, the campus scene from TIH was not even close.
Jollem - 3/14/2012, 1:56 PM
nice review. nodded my head on many of the points of interest. the hulk trouncing the military was fun. i did enjoy when sometimes the screen went to a picture-in-picture kinda deal. sorta reminded me of comic book panel layouts. maybe ang lee was not the right person to take the helm of the hulk ship.
BobaFett84 - 3/14/2012, 2:15 PM
Wow...this was the most hilarious review I've ever read to come out of Gusto's wrinkly old ass. :) and I meant that in a good way. I agree with a lot of his points, even though they are ...quite ridiculously funny. Good one, Gusto.
Hawksblueyes - 3/15/2012, 12:44 PM
much like our own Hawksblueyes…who’s super old and out of touch.

I'm not out of touch. Hell I just went out and got the new REO Speedwagon album!
Hawksblueyes - 3/15/2012, 12:49 PM
This is obviously the result of another Geritol overdose. Tragically, it happens alot when mixed with Metamucil.

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