PRESS RELEASE: The Empire Responds To The White House's Decision To Not Build A Death Star

Last week, The Obama Administration released a humorous response to a petition which demanded that the US Government build a Death Star. Well, has now issued a response to that from the Empire themselves. Check it out!

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By Josh Wilding - 1/15/2013

IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The overwhelming military superiority of the Galactic Empire has been confirmed once again by the recent announcement by the President of the United States that his nation would not attempt to build a Death Star, despite the bellicose demands of the people of his tiny, aggressive planet. "It is doubtless that such a technological terror in the hands of so primitive a world would be used to upset the peace and sanctity of the citizens of the Galactic Empire," said Governor Wilhuff Tarkin of the Outer Rim Territories. "Such destructive power can only be wielded to protect and defend by so enlightened a leader as Emperor Palpatine."

Representatives on behalf of the nation-state leader from the unimaginatively named planet refused to acknowledge the obvious cowardice of their choice, preferring instead to attribute the decision to fiscal responsibility. "The costs of construction they cited were ridiculously overestimated, though I suppose we must keep in mind that this miniscule planet does not have our massive means of production," added Admiral Conan Motti of the Imperial Starfleet.

Emissaries of the Emperor also caution any seditious elements within the Galactic Senate not to believe Earth’s exaggerated claims of there being a weakness in the Death Star design. "Any attacks made upon such a station — should one ever be built — would be a useless gesture," added Motti.

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reverendjonnynemo - 1/15/2013, 12:00 PM
This would have funnier on (Imperial) stationary...
DioFoRio - 1/15/2013, 12:15 PM
the empire just burned us
JYCowboy - 1/15/2013, 12:16 PM
Little late with this news. Oh well.
Super12 - 1/15/2013, 12:48 PM
Dang it Obama! Now we're the laughingstock of TWO galaxies!
third3ye - 1/15/2013, 1:03 PM
Lame attempt by a bunch of nerds to sound funny in light of the obviously much funnier White House response.
damntree - 1/15/2013, 3:38 PM
Lame attempt by nerds to sound funny in light of a lame White House response that was trying to be funny about a lame petition started by nerds trying to be funny.
Oxbow - 1/15/2013, 7:22 PM
stupid Empire.....don't they realize it's episode VII?
GUNSMITH - 1/16/2013, 1:15 AM

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