Nova's Weekend Funhouse: Dungeons & Dragons
I'm back! Every Saturday I'll be putting out a new funhouse script. This week, Spidey and a few other Marvel Universe nerds gather for a good ol' game of D'n'D. Hit the jump to check it out...
This week, several of the greatest minds in the Marvel; Universe get together in Peter Parker's basement and have a game of Dungeons and Dragons. The stars this week are, Peter Parker, Reed Richards, Weasel, Beast and Bruce Banner.
Let us begin...
(Peter is sat at the top of the table, behind the DM screen. Bruce and Hank sit on his left. Reed and Weasel sit on his right).
Peter: Okay, so, you're in a tavern.
Weasel: Oh, how original. Wh y do we always start in taverns?
Beast: Taverns are traditionally related to social contact and job seeking. Plus Bruce always drinks before a campaign.
Bruce: *burrrp* It's not my fault. I need to keep my brain muddled or I might turn mid-session.
Reed: C'mon gents, let Pete continue.
Peter: Thanks Reed. So, in the tavern, there's a great atmosphere, music's playing, lots o' barmaids with low cut dresses.
Weasel crosses his legs.
Beast: I'd like to try and find anyone in the tavern who looks... Out of place.
Peter: Roll perception.
Beast rolls his d20. He gets a 14.
Peter: Okay, with a perception check of 14, you're going to notice a hooded man in the corner of the room. He's kinda got his head down, not paying attention to anything.
Reed: I'd like to go outside and check for odd things.
Weasel: You gotta be more specific.
Peter: Uh, who's the DM here?
Peter: Right, so shut the %&$@ up and let me do my job.
Mary Jane: Peter, is that weird guy down there?
Weasel: Who's the weird guy.
Peter: Deadpool, she hates him.
Weasel: Oh... Uuuh, slight problem on that front.
Peter: You didn't invite 'em?! After last time with the goats and the fishbowl?
Weasel: He promised he'd be good.
Beast: Peter, if we're quick, he might miss half the campaign.
Reed: I concur, we should play faster.
Bruce: I think we should all just sit down and get drunk.
Peter: No, no drunkenness. We're just gonna hope he doesn't show. So, Reed, you go outside. What would you like to look for?
Reed: Hmmm... Are there any shops along the street?
Peter: Yes, there are several.
Beast: Surely my actions are more plot centric. Why deal with Reed when I've found a main plot point.
Peter: Jeez, will you guys let me DM properly for once!
Beast: When you're doing it wrong, you deserve criticism.
Peter: What did you just say, furball?
Beast: What did you call me, punch puller?
Reed: Okay, okay, Pete, go back to Beast's thing.
Peter: No, not until he apologises for calling me bad at DM-ing.
Beast: Apologise for calling me furball.
Bruce: Can I have sex with one of the barmaids?
Reed: Look, Bruce is already too drunk to play, why don't we just postpone the game 'til tomorrow?
Peter: No! I've been planning this all month! We;re gonna play right now!
There's a knock on the door.
Peter: I'll get it, MJ.
A few moments later, Peter returns with Thor behind him.
Bruce: Hey it's Thor, it's Thor, everybody, it's Thor, ahahaha.
Thor: That man holds his liqour like that of a kitten holds water.
Reed: What brings you here Thor?
Thor: I heard you were playing some sort of game, so I didst decide to come and observe.
Peter: Well, we're at a bit of a dead end.
Thor: Are your imaginations not large enough.
Reed: We are all men of science.
Thor: Come, I'll bring you to a better atmosphere.
He twirls his hammer above his head and in a massive blast of light the group of nerds disappear with the titular hero. ANd when they rematerialise.
Weasel: Is this Asgard?
Thor: Indeed, virgin.
Weasel: I resent that.
Beast: No matter how true it is.
Peter: Great, now my campaign's ruined.
Reed: Look on the bright side, now Deadpool can't play.
Peter: SHIT! What if Dedapool turns up at my house? We've left MJ alone!
Thor: No worries Parker. I shielded the house in case it is targeted by thieves.
Reed: So, what now?
Thor: Agreed, Banner, let us find the virgin some wenches to delight!
Weasel's face glows with excitement.
Deadpool stands outside Peter's house.
Deadpool: Where the &%$@ are these guys?
There's some humour here that I find funny 'cause I based it off DnD I've played. So while there's personal stuff, I threw in some casual humour too.
Did you guys enjoy it? Do you have any suggestions for next week's edition? Sound off below!
If that wasn't a good enough laugh for you, check out some of my older Funhouse scripts.
: This article was submitted by a volunteer contributor who has agreed to our code of conduct
. ComicBookMovie.com is protected from liability under "safe harbor" provisions and will disable users who knowingly commit plagiarism, piracy, trademark or copyright infringement. For expeditious removal, contact us HERE