NCF MOCKS: A Satirical Look At The TASM 2 Trailer Reactions

Every now and then a trailer pops up outta nowhere and we all give it a good watch. Occasionally, that trailer sparks a metric tonne of response and people can get a bit caught up in the debate. As you shall see. WARNING: WEIRDNESS AHEAD!

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By NovaCorpsFan - 12/7/2013
So, who saw that trailer? Pretty neat, wasn't it? My favourite part was when Spider-Man was in it. Enough of that, though, we're here to look at YOUR reactions, not mine. The trailer had people divided right down the middle (terribly messy business the division of human bodies) and once again the site exploded with rage, love and out right trolling. Kinda like when you play paint ball on a stag do. You go out, get pissed, watch something beautiful or indeed ugly as a butterfly (those things are horrifyingly malformed) then engage in nonsensical debates and finally you wake up in Nigeria with a traffic cone in one hand and a caterpillar cocoon in your nostril. We've all experienced that, so this trailer was a lot like that experience.

Anyway, moving into the matter at hand. Who enjoyed the trailer? (all who did raise your hand). Okay, and who hated the trailer? (all who did raise your hand). Right well, screw all of you, 'cause I'm gonna tear both parties to absolute shreds, so strap the fuck in you gutless sons of bitches and get ready to take an ass whoopin' like never before... bitch!

We'll go for the haters first. Haters astonish me because they must really feel like they're always in the right in order to subject themselves to the absolute loathing of the entirety of the internet. They have got balls like a walrus if you ask me, but they aren't as brave as homosexuals. We look at some intensely buff guy and we think, "Damn, he could kill me in one punch!" whereas a homosexual will look at him and go, "I want to have sex with that." Conclusive proof that homosexuals are braver than heterosexuals. Back to the haters, who are probably no longer here, except yoss 'case he's up for the banter. Personally, the only way to really handle haters is to subject the really crazy ones to abject torture and death.

Now, the likers. You guys are just as bad. The trailer was good for me, but I wouldn't start committing the title, "Movie of 2014" to something I have witnessed less than two minutes of. Of course that rule doesn't apply in my more private internet life. Also, you people must have some serious stones too. TASM is one of the most hated CBMs of the past decade and you guys manage to uphold your opinions, much to the dismay of all those trying to break you. But one day they will succeed. They will tear your spirits. They will destroy your hopes and your opinions... will become less relevant than Wombat shit being perfectly cubed.

Basically, I find you all repugnant, but in contrast to that, I admire your bravery. Despite its inferiority to the bravery of homosexuals. They are the true brave ones here.

If you're going to take anything away from this... article, I suggest it be this:

Wombats. Poop. Cubes.

In case you didn't find any of this even remotely funny, weird or satirical, here's a picture to express my feelings toward you as an individual.

Now, the last one of these I did, I left a comedian video at the bottom, but it appears that YouTube embeds no longer work, so if anyone could tell me how to get a vid down here, that'd be great (at least you could laugh at something).
Source: NCF Mocks
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PsychoManiacJacky - 12/7/2013, 8:06 PM

I have no idea what I just read...but it was awesome.
MrCBM56 - 12/7/2013, 8:13 PM
WOW. Brilliant.
Jollem - 12/7/2013, 11:51 PM
Jollem - 12/7/2013, 11:51 PM
Jollem - 12/7/2013, 11:53 PM

^this! this part is going to be insane. probably at the near start of the movie. one giant kick-ass web-swinging sequence
BenjiWest - 12/8/2013, 11:43 AM
WOW! This is utterly offensive and homophobic.

"We look at some intensely buff guy and we think, "Damn, he could kill me in one punch!" whereas a homosexual will look at him and go, "I want to have sex with that." Conclusive proof that homosexuals are braver than heterosexuals"

This must be how the author came out to the world. Utterly uncalled for and narrow minded. Even if you try to hide behind mocking.
MrCameron - 12/8/2013, 11:43 AM
NovaCorpsFan - 12/8/2013, 2:22 PM

My gay uncle told me that joke. He heard a comedian called Steve Hughes say it and found it hilarious.
NovaCorpsFan - 12/8/2013, 2:23 PM
As did his partner and all the homosexual guys at my youth club.
BenjiWest - 12/8/2013, 2:35 PM
Hmm......ok. It just seems an objectification and terrible stereotype, in an otherwise very funny article.
cipher - 12/8/2013, 2:39 PM
Sooooooooo.. wombat droppings. I heard that they, like, ah.. contain certain sexual properties. I'm just wondering 'cause, uh.. I've got a friend of a friend of a friend who's looking to, ah.. y'know..

Well, I mean.. he doesn't think he's a bad f*ck or anything.. he's just wondering where he can get that extra.. "oomph"..

Y'know whatta I mean?

You catch my drift?

We Clear?

Five by five?
cipher - 12/8/2013, 2:40 PM
cipher - 12/8/2013, 2:42 PM

NovaCorpsFan - 12/8/2013, 2:47 PM

No harm done, man, it's easy to misinterpret things when you're reading it (tends to be a more vocally powered joke anyway). Glad we didn't get into some Flame War about morality over this 'cause jeez, those are the worst kind.


I'm not sure hang on... *eats wombat poop*... The diagram's right it tastes nothing like brownies... *trousers tighten*...

Help me....
BenjiWest - 12/8/2013, 3:05 PM
@ NCF - I agree, its just that I see how it can be misinterpreted as demeaning, I thought you were taking shot at homosexuals bravery by putting TASM 2 below them.

Figuratively speaking of

Nonetheless thank you for the clarification.
NovaCorpsFan - 12/8/2013, 3:40 PM
No problem dude. The joke is out of context anyway. It's much funnier when you hear the whole thing.

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