EDITORIAL: Reasons Why The GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY Trailer Was Terribly Cheesy and Terribly Terrible
Wow what a bad trailer Marvel released, you think they would release a great trailer for an amazing potential upcoming blockbuster but no all we got was just a mixed bag of meh and uh whats. Here is the reasons why I truly think this trailer was a real stinker, read on for more fans!
Now before you go about to attack me, this is my own thoughts and opinions truly. You got your thoughts and opinions like I do, and I have my own. Now push that to the side and set aside all your prejudices. Am not looking forward to Guardians of The Galaxy that much. Oh yeah look Marvel got a talking raccoon firing a gun on top of a tree on the big screen even before a Wonder Woman film is even made! Woohoo? Other than that there is still nothing much to celebrate about. Besides the anticipation of the trailer the wait is over! And the wait is a pile of disappointment and crap churned into a bucket of chum ice cream. Let me go over the problems that obviously were in place with this stinker of a trailer.
Obvious Indiana Jones Rip-Off
Oh yeah rip-off other movies to make your movie seem so great and timeless. Harrison Ford would spit on you. I wish that floating ball would have just made itself giant and crushed Chris Pratt.
Star-Lord Name Comedy Skit
"Who are you?", *then dramatic pause*...."Star-Lord". "Who?". "Star-Lord man, legendary outlaw, *other guy raises arms like dafuq* "Fogetit" - Cut To Marvel Logo. My only reaction to this....
It was absolutely not funny at all. And Chris Pratt still hasn't sold me on the idea he is really an actor. Is he an actor? I don't even know who this guy is and don't care.
A Universal Remote
Seriously what year does this crap take place in? If you wanted to make a universal remote look cool at least make it not look like it came straight out of the 80s. Even Adam Sandler had a better looking remote in Click.
Nova Corps Halloween Costumes
Oh wow Marvel, please tell me at which thrift stores did you buy those costumes! Did they come with those cool neon lights also? Must have cost a fortune. Even Quicksilver in X-Men DOFP looks 100 times more realistic than all of them.
Bautista Trying To Look Serious as Drax
Arghhh put on your serious face! Now look around menacingly but don't speak or else they would know your Bautista and you starred in that crappy direct to DVD Scorpion King sequel....
The Entire Guardians of The Galaxy Intro
If you really wanted to make it serious, next time don't have John C Reilly do a voice over on it. Otherwise, MARVEL'S NEXT LATEST PHASE 2 COMEDY WOOHOO! Oh yeah, and Reilly's voice is so annoying. Mute button please.
Glow in The Dark Bracelets
The next big thing from Guardians of The Galaxy next to the over use of neon lights, glow in the dark bracelets! Coming soon at a Guardians of The Galaxy toy retailer near you!
Star-Lord's Long Glorious Middle Finger
Oh yes this takes me way back in the good ole days when that was considered a thing. Is it still a thing? Oh Star-Lord you don't have to be sorry. You silly, silly not actor.
A F***ing Walkman....
First a Universal Remote now this!? On top of that it's played a song from the 70s! Isn't this supposed to be the future!? I could already hear Doc Brown echoing "Great Scott!" from miles away. Alright Marvel this joke isn't funny. If your going to make the future look this crappy at least have Stallone make a cameo as Judge Dredd.
Star-Lord Wants Those Headphones
"TAKE THOSE HEADPHONES OFF RIGHT NOW!". And also look at my fabulous glow in the dark bracelets coming soon at a Guardians of The Galaxy toy retailer near you!
Flying Star Wars Ship Rip-Off
First they want to rip off Indiana Jones now Star Wars? Come on Marvel!
Heisenberg Makes a Cameo
I would say it's a highlight of the trailer, but still, trailer is crap.
Oh Hai Mr.Mugatu!
Terrible Action Shots Galore Editing
JENGA-HUGA-HUGA! And so much terrible editing everywhere. It felt like a seizure good gosh! Who the heck did Marvel hire to edit this trailer Tommy Wiseau!?
Overall the trailer was terrible. It was a teaser trailer, although the only thing it teased was how big it would bomb. James Gunn, you have good intentions but why man? This must be the reason why Marvel isn't planning a sequel at all. It just looks so conventionally silly and unMarvel like. What do you think? I got no clue at all. Peace and thanks for reading, I am very distressed now. May need to take a long walk outside and think this over. But I doubt my own thoughts and opinions would change.
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