These are some things about Superman that have bothered me because they have become increasingly nonsensical as the years go by, and I hope whatever brave soul takes on the next Superman movie has the stones to update it a bit.
Christopher Nolan streamlined Batman by making changes to aspects that logic dictated must be changed (like the Joker not falling into corrosive acid that merely made him smile instead of melting him. With this in mind, these are the issues I feel take away from Superman and I think should be jettisoned into deep space with Doomsday. I'd like to know if any of you share my frustration as well as excitement about the prospect of ditching these dated characteristics. I will present each problem, then suggest MY approach to fixing it, but I want to hear what you guys think.
Okay, the following are these aspects of Superman that are considered "untouchable" and yet have become ridiculous.
1) The f***ing Secret Identity of Clark Kent
There is no way on Earth that this would ever fly. Stop saying, "Well if he alters his body language, and makes his voice higher than maybe..." No. Stop. We live in the age of facial recognition software and cell phone cameras. If that weren't enough, Clark is a celebrity in his own right. He's an "ace reporter" for the mother of all newspapers in the super-city of DC Comics. So that shit has to change asap. Seriously.
There are only a few alternatives really: Clark either keeps such a minimal profile, perhaps working as a FREELANCE reporter who has no co-workers, and works online contributing from Smallville instead of living in Met. This obviously is problematic as Clark is integral to the story and having his character relegated to a bit part, or not interacting with the Daily Planet crew makes about as much sense as his identity being shielded by a pair of glasses.
Next solution: More plausible, if Jor-El could catapult his infant son across the galaxy and have him arrive on a planet that is not only agreeable with his alien physiology, but empowers him because of it, then it's HIGHLY likely that Clark could procure some Kryptonian tech that would somehow prevent recognition of him when wearing the costume. Something subtle yet eloquent as was said about "the force," prior to the dumb freaking mito-whatsis explanation.
2) The spit curl
Why would Superman sport a style that died fifty years ago? Answer: He wouldn't.
That's easily fixable: just get rid of it.
3) The Lois and Clark relationship
Say what you want about Smallville, but their approach to the Lois/Clark thing is unique. In THIS telling, Lois is a bit trampier, a bit rougher and a bit more salt of the Earth. However, she falls all over Clark, for the very same reason that her predecessors in TV and movies kind of disregarded him. He's a plain, geeky farmboy who really can't compete with big city yuppies or more refined reporters, but he's a good guy.
The stupidity reached a climax in Superman Returns where Lois seemed to not even realize that Clark was gone for five years, and when he returned, barely spoke to him. I don't think the audience has the patience for a whole rehashing of that relationship...or another bitchy, shallow Lois who, at the first chance she might die, the audience would REALLY be chanting DONT SAVE THAT B*TCH, SUPERMAN!!
Solution: Give Lois some depth, and don't have her be another girl gone wild for Superman. Show Clark some love.
4) "Ace Reporter
Instead of being this AMAZING reporter, why can't Clark be just a good reporter, and Lois too. I have yet to see a practical portrayl of a reporter on screen and I can't imagine they all act the same way in real life. Right?
5) The super-undies
Would anyone have any objections to the underwear being removed from the OUTSIDE and being placed INSIDE the supertights?
All right guys, tell me where I'm going wrong!
image from google
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TheDurkinKnight
11/11/2009
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