EDITORIAL: Does Ben Affleck Measure Up To Other BATMAN Actors?
Is Ben Affleck ("Gigli") the Batman fanboys deserve, or even need right now? Time to see if Ben Affleck ("Gigli") measures up to previous actors that squeezed into the Batman costume.
Ever since Warner Bros. announced, Ben Affleck ("Gigli") was playing Batman in Zack Snyder's Man of Steel sequel, fanboys have been concerned that the actor is not right for the part. Yeah sure, Affleck's trainer has proclaimed in recent tweets that the Argo actor will end up being the "biggest, leanest" Batman ever, and Jennifer Garner, Affleck's wife, has boasted, her husband currently sports 17-inch biceps, but what about his gluteus maximus? Let's look at recent photos of Ben pumping gas.
Take a good hard look at those images above and answer me this, is that a Batman ass? Will that ass be faithful to the comic book interpretations? I'm not so sure, and neither is Affleck. Multiple sources have confirmed to me that Affleck has resorted to lewd tactics, like showing excessive butt cleavage to divert our eyes from his inferior rear end. I've heard that he feels as though he'll never live up to previous Batman rumps like the ones Val Kilmer and George Clooney showcased in Joel Schumacher's much beloved films, Batman Forever (1995) and Batman & Robin (1997). Those films have been praised for Shumacher's strict adherence to source material. Many attribute those accolades to Schumacher's eagle-eye for casting actors that could pull off Batman's chiseled derriere. Which you can enjoy in the two epic video clips below.
Executives are so concerned about pleasing fans that sources have told me they instructed Chuck Lorre to peek at Ben Affleck's nether region while they were both using the urinals at the 25th Annual Producers Guild of America Awards. That inspection led Lorre to tell the audience, "Yes I peeked. And yes, Comic-Con, he can play Batman." That news pleased most fanboys, but it means Ben has ample junk, just not in his trunk. At press time, Lorre was unavailable for comment due to his commitment to a party being held at Bryan Singer's house.
The logical comparison should fall upon the last Batman, Christian Bale. That's hard to do since Christopher Nolan never shot the actor from the waist down. Why? Well, before Bale starred in Batman Begins he lost 60 pounds for his role in The Machinist. Living off of a diet consisting of only black coffee, an apple and a can of tuna each day. Once he had to start packing on the pounds/muscles for Bruce Wayne/Batman, Bale stuffed his face with 32 slices of pizza a day and drank melted cartons of Häagen Dazs ice cream every moment that he was thirsty. His bizarre high-carb diet left him with what doctors call, a lumpy butt. Nolan originally didn't want his version of Batman to wear a cape, but after seeing Bale's lumpy butt he needed to add the cape in order to hide it.
Bale isn't the only Batman actor that shied away from showing what was below his Bat-belt. Michael Keaton who starred in Batman and Batman Returns was uncomfortable about showing his backside. Insiders have told me this was because Tim Burton wanted to smear gobs of white makeup on keaton's tush. Even Adam West, who portrayed Batman in the classic 1960's television series was reticent about his lower-half. Though, in his case it had more to do with what was in the front and less to do with his cheeks. Doesn't take the World's Greatest Detective to know he was hung more like a boy wonder than a Bat-MAN.
And don't think Warner Bros. isn't listening to the concerns of fans. I'm told by multiple sources that studio executives have been monitoring message boards as they are very sensitive to fan sentiment, and are even relying on fan-casts as inspiration for future casting decisions.
Hopefully by the time cameras start rolling Ben will have buns so plump Oscar Mayer will be drooling.
BATMAN/SUPERMAN - Zack Snyder will direct the film from a screenplay being written by Chris Terrio from a screenplay by David S. Goyer and a story co-created by Goyer and Snyder. Zack Snyder’s Superman/Batman film stars Henry Cavill, reprising his role as Superman/Clark Kent, and Ben Affleck as Batman/Bruce Wayne. The film will also reunite “Man of Steel” stars Amy Adams as Lois Lane, Laurence Fishburne as Perry White, Diane Lane as Ma Kent, Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor, Ray Fisher as Cyborg and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman/Diana Prince. Zack Snyder’s untitled Superman/Batman film which will now be arriving in theaters May 6, 2016.
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