the Green Hornet and Kato.... 2bad
Green Hornet, Decent comic hero, cool show, poor choices and a sequel(i.e. poor choices)
the Green Hornet.... too bad
I'm watching this epic budget Superhero film right now while filling out some job applications. It had most all the same elements as a great American comic tale going in. THEN, Tom Wilkinson steps on screen and you'd think it'll start getting better. (10min of filling out applications with it playing in the background)
The 'SHITS' and other stupid tones keep coming after Seth Rogan got on screen. If you don't recognize his sidekick Kato played by Jay Chou, you're either not an international music fan or, you live in America. You can't replace Bruce Lee, but if you find reason enough to remake one of his successes, try to make it look good! This is trash, and I don't think it's the job applications! Kato looks like a guy who looks like Kato dressed as Kato, just not the real Kato. Latest story development: A few muggers get bitch slapped by Kato and the Gay Horneytoad's about to pee pee his pad in excitement over some stunt double flipping in a whirlwind of cheap effects. Not even the Karate Kid did this crap. (It'd work better had they taken a hint from KK and replaced the MA expert with a black kid too.)
Back to the effects, they look pretty good until it starts with the stupid, flashy, Kato fighting mode crap done for no reason other than to say, "this ISN'T THE NEW MATRIX!" like every other action movie now days.
Shows like Starsky and Hutchinson work when made into comedies because that TV/film era was sort of goofy and nobody cares for it, or anything it produced. GH however, has so many possibilities to which badass SUPERHERO MOVIE can be made it's amazing anyone could mess it up. but they found their man! Making a stronger link between Britt and the lone ranger, addressing the news media, making a worthwhile movie, not ending respect for movie people, hiring Jet Li, making someone lose weight for a worthwhile cause... and even etc could have pieced this film together better. NONE of them show their face. Now, I'm not familiar with GH beyond seeing a team-up episode of the 60s Batman(*A Piece of the Action,) but I'm sure THIS turd isn't what it's supposed to be.
Horney Toad and William Hung's story advanced after following advice from their secretary "Lenore" on how to keep a working criminal code in the city, instead of using some well written idea or a decent supportive back character like the Batman's Alfred. Maybe they should have left the writing up to a drunk extra from Britt's birthgay bash at the beginning of the flick, wait, maybe they did?
Next, we meet the fun female backup(a position made famous by such greater roles in Ironman, Spiderman, maybe the Dark Knight and definitely not Batman Begins,) and watch it crash and burn. The reason this should be other-womanly: Cameron Diaz has already been used in the Mask, a goofy, comedic hero film(one that WORKED,) which proved her as a young body with a face that could talk(not that you can't use an actor in more than one classic movie remake tale, Sam Worthington, just that she proved as a dumb bitch AND she costs billions since then!) That was 1994, she's like 50 now! Even though she claims to be 34(at least the dialogue's getting FUNNY, right?)
Good heavens! It's like 30 minutes later and NOTHING got better(or advanced storywise!) The black beauty doesn't even do anything for the film. The super car that gives the rich hero alot of street cred, and is black. Well, maybe the whole 'having BLACK in the name' was supposed to make it Toto like the Tumbler, but this flick already has Tito playing the sidekick?
Now it's the action scene where they first meet with the bad guy, oh crap! I forgot about that waste. So the bad-ass "Jew Hunter" is the bad guy for no reason other than to waste another space in this cinematic turd(like every other possible awesome element at it's discpposal that's been given nothing to work with and crapped on.) Holy green flying insect balls Batman! The Nazi the INGLORIOUS BASTERDS broke out of the prisoner cell would have made a cool Britt for sure! Come on sequel, be a real screen changer!
RIGHT NOW! They're fighting each other(Kato and Hornet.) Nothing in this movie is original or not overly done as a trend to pass the time and to continue a comedian's careers existence while not growing the world in any positive way(back to Cameron Diaz.) SOOOO much potential, so little happiness in return. The point is, it shouldn't have been approached. Doing a GH film meant bringing around the plot of having a good guy pose as a villain in the movie, a great idea to put the hero behind, sure! Wait a minute, almost like the Dark Knight Rises! Then there's still more crap. Britt owns a newspaper and his business partners want him to print scary stuff to sell more papers. SOMETHING TO WORK WITH AND INCLUDE PRESSING ISSUES INTO THE STORY LIKE CHRISTOPHER NOLAN DOES!
It's LOOONG past ridiculous at this point! They've gotten to the part in dramatic comedies and other bad flicks where the main character is no longer trusted by his friends and he's sad and continuity errors are all around but he has to make it up to prove to his friends that people CAN make loads of money from making bad films. CRAP! At the least they could've gone with rehashing a Judd Apataw script and maybe it would have made me laugh. But no, they're sticking to the same old crap with the added effect of REALLY STUPID!
OOOH SNAP YA'll! The bad guy just admitted to killing Britt's daddy right to his face and he does NOTHING, then Rogan's comedy voice from every other film shows back up. "GRUFFY GRUff, GRUff!" Two pieces of trash that belong in this fest of garbage. But not in a "Green Hornet" film and not with this big budget(or by from the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind director(at least his name is on the cover.)
It's rediculous, as I watch the film I can tell where the guys who asked for "the Green Hornet" and got a slapstick crap fest tried to edit out the entire worst crap scenes, making it a little more serious but then realized after watching their new cut that they'd better just try for some laughs. I say this because there are weird scene cuts like amateur edited it. I mean, they actually CUT NECESSARY SCENES due to their unwanted comedic nature out of this [steaming] moving picture. The dialogue is full of extra information and references that don't exist because they were from scenes that expressed ideas that were never followed up to because they were both removed from the final cut. VERY fast cuts with scene's missing an end. The studio was given such a HUGE surprising disappointment that they had no time for re-shoots or making changes to the current serious blockbuster campaign the movie was being hyped up to be. WOW! It's an example for future film makers what not to do. Think of GH like those prevention videos watched in driver's ed, but played at film schools aimed at teaching directors what not to let happen.
I don't know why these actors showed up the second day of shooting(maybe CD, trash defines her regular project genre.) I guess those huge Hollywood legal contracts that include keeping their limbs, plus the millions they could lose along with their careers? Of course, this doesn't help career either does it? It does help the wallet and the continuing ownership of CD's *$10million sprawling English country home-style mansion in Beverly Hills. Rogan had money and a possibly continuing career(not now) in his eyes and so did everyone else(save maybe the non readers in contract necessary markets.) It must've been brought up as such a great idea they all said, "yeah, of course I'll do any 'Green Hornet' script just to be in it!' The car, the gadgets, the Kato. All wasted.
So don't see it! !
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