Want To Be A "Superhero"? PHOENIX JONES Is Recruiting

Jones has become something of a legend thanks to his legitimate bravery (insanity?) and willingness to at least try to do some good on the streets of Seattle. Now he's looking for some help - as long as your surname isn't Kent or Parker! Read on for a video clip and the requirements..

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By Mark "RorMachine" Cassidy - 1/11/2013


WANT TO BE A PART OF THE RAIN CITY SUPERHERO MOVEMENT !!! HERE IS HOW

requirements:


YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OF AGE

steady form of income

a form or Washington state issued id
an out of state driver license must be accompanied with proof of residence in Washington state and must be switch over by the end of your “rookie” phase

no felony crimes or violent crimes (if you have a crime pending you will not be excepted till the case is closed or resolved)

military, police, or provable martial arts experience( i will test you on this be accurate with your training level)

first aid, CPR cards are required ( we have a person that provides this at a discount and follows strict confidentiality agreements.

you must have a bulletproof vest level 2A or better (this will be provided for your first couple of patrols. you must own one within a month of being excepted.
( we have a company that provides these at a extreme discount)

you must not be a journalist or a person going to school for journalism.

Sory Peter Parker and Clark Kent, you’re shit out of luck.

YOU MUST BE WILLING TO SUBMIT A FORM FOR BACKGROUND CHECK AS WELL AS SIGN A CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT.

(IF YOU ARE MISSING A BULLETPROOF VEST,CPR CARD,FIRST AID CARD,AND HAVE TO SWITCH YOUR ID OVER THE START UP COST SHOULD BE 135.50. YOU WILL BE GIVEN DIRECT INFORMATION ON HOW TO ACQUIRE AND CONTACT THESE COMPANIES NO MONEY WILL BE PASSED THROUGH THE TEAM.)


I'm on the first plane to Seattle!









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nixonshead - 1/11/2013, 7:50 AM
Where do the villains sign up?
does he have an arch yet?
IDKwhatToChoose - 1/11/2013, 7:52 AM
Sweet candy *starts making my costume
KarlRobinofEarth2 - 1/11/2013, 7:57 AM
Sane people need not apply.
pepe - 1/11/2013, 8:01 AM
... Wow... Where`s my Hit-Girl outfit?
RorMachine - 1/11/2013, 8:01 AM
Say what you want about Jones and his gang, this is badass..

HellsHammer - 1/11/2013, 8:02 AM
I Want to be a superhero as much as the next guy, but I dot want to hang out with jackasses!
nixonshead - 1/11/2013, 8:11 AM
@ hellshammer, yeah pretty easy to be a dikk to a stranger in a mask, while doing nothing yourself. He feeds a lot more homeless folks than kicking the asses of bigots. Pretty easy to sit and poke fun while doing nothing good or bad yourself.
HRDWYR - 1/11/2013, 8:17 AM
Shoot! If I were him I'd co about much differently:

1. Come up with an original and professional name for your team or organization
2. Incorperate it. Trademark everything
3. Develop a mission statement/vision
4. Have an application fee
5. Have a standardized team uniform
6. Hire an set of instructors to teach cpr, self defense, and any other skills needed.
7. Develop a communication system for patrols
8. Have a central base of operations
9. Maybe have an advancement structure
What? They have this already in the real world?! Police? Law enforcement? NO way!

I love superheroes as much as the next geek, but unless you ACTUALLY have powers, leave the protection of your community to the professionals. If you want to do this, join a LEGAL organization. These crazies inspire more and more untrained/unqualified people to basically cause more trouble then they help.
jimoakley666 - 1/11/2013, 8:17 AM
How this moron hasn't got his arse shot yet is pure dumb luck and nothing more.
GUNSMITH - 1/11/2013, 8:19 AM
PHOENIX JONES...BRAVE GUY.
ChillBill66 - 1/11/2013, 8:24 AM
Washington state must have some of the best weed imaginable. Has mothaf---ers thinking they have Super Powers!!! They shoud have added... (Those who get pussy need not apply)

#See What Kick-Ass Started!!!
BIGBMH - 1/11/2013, 8:28 AM
this guy should have a cameo in kick-ass 2
jimoakley666 - 1/11/2013, 8:29 AM
People start kicking donkeys left, right and centre. Poor donkeys.
sarahsatire - 1/11/2013, 8:29 AM
Sooooooooooo....

....

I definitely want to be the arch.
nixonshead - 1/11/2013, 8:32 AM
@sarahsatire Finally someone see's what I see, where can I sign up for that?
StrangerX - 1/11/2013, 8:34 AM
No thank you
Greengo - 1/11/2013, 8:39 AM
Phoenix Jones is an MMA fighter lol.

Most of his cronies seem to be the kind of nerds on CBM fat & out of shape geeks.
ToTheManInTheColdSweat - 1/11/2013, 8:47 AM
bitch's insane
sarahsatire - 1/11/2013, 8:48 AM
@nixon Well it'd probably be going against some super hero code of conduct for the hero to recruit the villain, so looks like it's gotta be a self-made endeavor. Look on the bright side, though... you won't need a CPR/first aid card to be a villain!
fortycals - 1/11/2013, 8:52 AM
Sorry but Ive already did my time as a real hero(usmc) and a real criminal(growing up in DC during the crack epidemic). Ill just enjoy my life, full of family and fun. Although his heart is in the right place, there are better ways to go about it. Only reason he hasnt been shot yet is because he is in seattle. Try it in detriot, chicago, or any place with a high murder rate, he would be singing a different tune.
HeadPool420 - 1/11/2013, 8:57 AM
At least he said they have to have training and that he will test em! That way they don't get a bunch of delusional people thinking they can be a Hero since they kick ass at X-Box! Yes I said Hero not Super Hero! They are regular people with no powers!
marvel72 - 1/11/2013, 9:05 AM
normally when a hero turns up normally all the villains suddenly come out of the wood work.
DioFoRio - 1/11/2013, 9:06 AM
@thewalkingdictionaryreturnsYanks obsession of superheros is ridiculous.. smh


foreigners obsession with yanks is far more disturbing. you're welcome Mudhut Mike.
DioFoRio - 1/11/2013, 9:10 AM
@fettastic...open your eyes man. First off ninjas? seriously man? I read your comments...you're smarter than that. Guys just walking down the street? More like hoodlums. I'm not condoning what these guys are doing...as a matter of fact ..it's fuggin retarded. (guardian angels did it better). It happens to be tough guys trying to start shit and some dorks (one in particular with some striking training) ended it. I wish every state had a mutual combat law(and legalized weed). Oh and Ror you can Be the the Pickled Liver! Or Blarney Stones of Steel.
Christuffer - 1/11/2013, 9:26 AM
While I would love to apply, I do not have any martial arts experience. That's just about the only thing holding me back. I can do just about everything else. Also...do you need to make your own costume?

@fettastic - Seems to me like the civilians were the ones picking a fight. They were your typical bravado gangster-jackass types, and they probably have little to no real education or moral fiber. Phoenix Jones was just giving him what he wanted, and he clearly put him in his place. I think you missed the point though; Phoenix and his gang aren't there to beat up civies and be brutal, that's why they call the police and let them do their job. If you watched the other video, you would see that they do more than fight. Don't you know that they teach you Karate to defend yourself, and not to go after a fight?

Did you ever see The Karate Kid bro?
DioFoRio - 1/11/2013, 9:29 AM
@ciph....sup,lets get drunk ; )


DioFoRio - 1/11/2013, 9:29 AM
lets get androgynous in this bitch.
nixonshead - 1/11/2013, 9:58 AM
Restless in the woodwork, finally getting out and about. Turns out chicken first.

@ Ms. Satire, Might not Have to get the cards, but hey, Vill's got lungs too.
KeefNCookies - 1/11/2013, 10:17 AM
@Ror
You think that's badass..? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.........
RorMachine - 1/11/2013, 10:23 AM
fettastic, those drunken pricks are the ones that were behaving antisocially and the "spider-ninjas" stepped in. When they became increasingly aggressive, the cops were called but in accordance with the law of the land they were allowed to settle things with a one-on-one fight, and the lead moron got kicked in the damn face. No, not superheroes, just one guy putting another in his place.
fistofthenorthstar - 1/11/2013, 10:39 AM
I'm of age. I've got the training. No felonies. Even got a good idea for a code name and look that wouldn't give my identity up. But why should I care what happens in Seattle?
nixonshead - 1/11/2013, 10:49 AM
@ mr. Ofthenorthstar, why should you care what happens anywhere?
Silentman - 1/11/2013, 10:49 AM
i could never be a hero, im too lazy and that would be to much work. being a villain is way easier and more fun >:)

irondragon - 1/11/2013, 10:54 AM
First off i understand why pheonix does what he does but this is just stupid and dangerous. people who have some fighting expertise today have really little to none real world experience. not every one goes down with one punch. just because you took some mma classes at the y or local gym/studio does not make you remotely qualified. only do this if you have had experience outside of these institutions for many years and have a deep desire to help your community. also please do not follow pheonix, this "call for heroes" will get many unnescesarrily killed (think i spelled it wrong) or hurt as to make a difference you would need to deal with many people who are dangerous and just dont care. a bp vest may protect your torso but not your head and it doesnt take a genious to learn how to shoot. second there have been people in nyc who have been "heroes" for many years even going as far back as the seventies. i have met some of the current ones through circumstance and they have trained in martial arts of various types for most of their lives. they dont like to publicize themselves due to the danger it would bring to their personal lives. anyone who is looking to do this please do not unless you do have extensive training and a desire to do so. on what i hope to the behalf of those i do know do not follow him. this is not a hipster movement like occupy wall street turned into or kony. every city does need its heroes but some might cause more harm than good if they are not prepared. sorry for the length lol
Jer3miah - 1/11/2013, 11:09 AM
Well said @ Dionysios.
@fettastic: That's a facepalm comment, homie. Refrain from stating further embarrassing statements in regards to a video illustrating the average mind of a low thinker and a radical thinker settling their dispute like men. Or you can go to Washington and engage in a mutual combat, yourself; test your balls for a moment.

Anybody can talk shit on the internet, anybody can talk shit, period. But walking by them words is what is rare.

Even though Jones is a little disillusioned [in my eyes], he still has balls. And balls is [sometimes] all you need.
otakux3r0 - 1/11/2013, 11:42 AM
Don't be hatters guys, how many of you have ever had the stones to get in the crap for a random person on the street? Phoenix may not be Daredevil, but he's got the right idea. This group that's being put together isn't any different from the "Guardian Angels" group in New York. Th G.A. have been doing the job for over 20 years and their start wasn't any easier than Phoenix Jones' groups' will be. I say more power to anyone that actually tries to make a difference.
CharlesLord - 1/11/2013, 11:49 AM
just like fettastic said, his heart is in the right place but um i live in chicago and in some neighborhoods he wouldnt even dare try this
JimmyPesto - 1/11/2013, 11:55 AM
We do have super villains unfortunately in our society. The lex luthors and "jokers" of the world that hurt people physically and financially.
FOOM - 1/11/2013, 12:26 PM
He's got balls, I'll give him that.
But I'd rather get my ass to Cincinnati and hand out sandwiches with Shadow Hare.
Greenlantern1417 - 1/11/2013, 1:12 PM
This is his Nemesis so far. Take it with a grain of salt.


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