G.I. Joe Movie File Cards

G.I. Joe Movie File Cards

We now have a full collection of character file cards up for the upcoming G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.

Our thanks to HISStank.com for the images...

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Member Since 4/25/2005
Filed Under "G.I. Joe" 1/30/2009 Source: HISStank.com
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CrookedJaw - 1/30/2009, 11:06 AM
sweet...this is making me feel good. This movie is lookin like it's gunna be a good one, i can't wait. Where's Snake Eyes' card though?
TucsonRican - 1/30/2009, 11:07 AM
The Doctor.....is that Joseph Gordan-Levitt?
CrookedJaw - 1/30/2009, 11:14 AM
I sure hope not...he's supposed to be Cobra Commander
CrookedJaw - 1/30/2009, 11:14 AM
maybe the doctor is supposed to be something like Doctor Mindbender?
Osiris - 1/30/2009, 11:28 AM
where the crap is cobra commander??? I want to see this movie really bad but with out the commander it's not going to fully feel like G.I. Joe
Shaman - 1/30/2009, 11:58 AM
Are these cards fan-made? Cause they really suck. I mean i want this movie to be good but every single thing they come up with sucks. The descriptions of habilities seem like they were written by someone who's 12. Best example is "scarlet":

"On the battlefield she's an expert too..." i was sure they were gonna follow with "she can punch and kick and stuff. She likes pickles and cookies and she can shop till you drop." Like WTF?!?!?!?!?!
Matowar - 1/30/2009, 12:11 PM
Why is there no card for Snake-eyes? Yeah these are probably fan made.
Matowar - 1/30/2009, 12:14 PM
Yes there was a Ripcord character I have the action figure from 20 years ago.
CrookedJaw - 1/30/2009, 12:16 PM
yeah...I'm looking back over these, and they do look fan made, and unofficial. Which kinda pisses me off, I want to start seeing some real stuff from this movie! When's the damn trailer gunna come out?
Matowar - 1/30/2009, 12:17 PM
Just so you can see him here is the web address http://www.gijoepriceguide.com/ripcord_84.html
Matowar - 1/30/2009, 12:17 PM
the trailer will run during the superbowl
Shaman - 1/30/2009, 12:24 PM
Well every body knew Marlon was there for lame ass jokes! If they needed a funny black man for comic relief (however ridiculous the idea of it is in this movie) they could've at least casted Richard T. Jones for it. A respectable funny actor with at least some talent. Remember "Event Horison"???

Matowar- You mean the white guy who sure as hell doesn't look funny???
MisterNiceGuy - 1/30/2009, 12:44 PM
The more news that comes out about this movie the less i wanna see it
IonParallax - 1/30/2009, 1:03 PM
I've had GI Joes since 1986 and never did I EVER think it would turn in to the monstrosities it has over the years. I've seen hundreds of abominations in the figure line, story line, cartoons etc etc. But this takes the cake as possibly the worst thing in the GI Joe-verse since freakin' "Raptor" remember that guy? WELL, you shouldn't he was terrible.

As for these file cards; total BS. Of course, with them making this movie like it is, or casting the characters as they have, why wouldn't these be real? Agreeing with SHAMAN, Yea, they do look like they were made by a 12 year old. I'm not a freakin' writer but I could totally do more justice to these cards then whatever the hell this jackass came up with. It irritates me to no end to see this type of garbage smeared across the faces of one of the most iconic toys/comics/cartoons ever to come out of the good ole US of A.

Yea, that's supposed to be "Dr Mindbender". LAME! Of course there's no "Cobra Commander" card, they're not going to show you what he looks like before the movie comes out. I highly doubt we will EVER see anything of him until it shows, they're keeping that under wraps as tight as possible as to not offend the masses more than already have with their child-like vulgarity.

But I am kind of lost as to why this Chachbag didn't make a Snakey Eyes card; I mean, there's a freakin' Viper card, but no Snake Eyes, huh? Right, ok, whatever. He's only THE most prolific character in GI Joe history.

Also, why does "Hawk" Look like "Flint"?!?! WTF is going on here people? Who wear's the beret? FLINT! Geeeezus.

Why is "Destro" just "James McCullen" and NOT "James Destro McCullen XXIII"? Arrrrgh my brain is slowly slipping into freakin' remission here.

Why was "Heavy Duty" included and NOT "Roadblock"? Where's the ORIGINAL Black guy of the crew, huh?

OK, "Ripcord" is a black guy now played by Marlon Wayans, fine, whatever. I was never a big fan of the Paratrooper anyway. It happens: Jim West = Will Smith, Robert Neville = Will Smith, Kingpin = MCD. It happens, I understand (to a point) so, what the hell ever. They really couldn't have done any worse casting for this crapfest.
CRUSH - 1/30/2009, 1:10 PM
NoobMike - 1/30/2009, 1:14 PM
Did they do them using powerpoint?

and mind you not the latest one but a 5 year old powepoint.

LOL, if 2008 seems to be the best year for comicbook movies, 2009 seems to be the worst year for everything related to american comicbooks but not necesarily american comicbooks themselves (Street Fighter, DBE, GI Joe) will all be massive fails.
MisterNiceGuy - 1/30/2009, 1:18 PM
I only have hope for wolverine and transformers

wolverine is just badass plus we finaly get to see all the muties we have been waiting for.

and with transformers we get to see michael bay blow shit up and megan fox's sweet ass again. :)

F*** the rest of these movies

thats all i have to say about that

Shaman - 1/30/2009, 1:18 PM
Seriously Torque, crush and ION. I really was psyched about this movie till we got to know the semi-plot, then the cast, then the shots and now THIS SHIT!!! This is dangerously spiralling down in the sewers for me!!! And i think they SHOULD show Cobra Commander cause right now, it is they're only possible "ace" they "might" have that "could maybe" make me change my mind about... renting it. Cause no matter what he looks like, i sure as hell won't spend 10$ to see that shit!!! Hell, looking at all the upcomming movies, i'm more excited about the new Friday The 13th than all this!!! Well no. Watchmen and Wolverine are on the top of my list actually, i just wanted to bitch LOL :P
CRUSH - 1/30/2009, 1:49 PM
Agreed Shaman, this looks bad & the only hope they have is flooding the 'net with pics of Cobra Commander & snake island,and by what I've seen so far it would take a hell of alot more then that, they would need a cameo by He-Man or somethin' lol,

Top 3 Movies 2009

3.Transformers 2

- Hurm.

shibazz - 1/30/2009, 1:59 PM
first my beloved StormShadow ... but now Zartan too???!!!?? awe shit those were my two favorites and now they ... awe shit. i 'am just gonna go ahead and log out before something else gets ruined. I just gotta ask .... Dear God is it my fault , was it something i did? Should i have not taken my G.I.Joes to church? Was it cuz i punched that one kid cuz he looked soft and got in my way? Lord? Jesus? Beuller, anyone???
slimybug - 1/30/2009, 2:27 PM
Christopher Eccleston...and "The Doctor." But not the same Doctor, LOL.
Shaman - 1/30/2009, 2:33 PM
Dude, if they get a cameo by SHE-RA played by Lena Headey in all her full frontal glory, i'm in!!! That's a deal i'd love for them to make me :))
Superman4 - 1/30/2009, 4:35 PM
Hope this movie can be enjoyed by adults and not just kids
Superman4 - 1/30/2009, 4:45 PM
I wan't dissing kids I'm just saying it should be fun but not corney
CRUSH - 1/30/2009, 5:02 PM
This look's G.I. GAY....

a bunch of G.A.Y. JOE's, I mean I would fist fight any one of those guy's....well maybe not Heavy Duty,but still.

lilej2 - 1/30/2009, 7:34 PM
OMG you guys sounds like crying babies,we haven't seen 1 little bit of footage and you're all getting pissed about how a movie that hasn't even released a trailer,get a grip and wait till sunday to yell every GI Joe sucks rant about what you prayed for to be a movie
TucsonRican - 1/30/2009, 9:27 PM
IonParallax - 1/30/2009, 11:43 PM
THANK YOU TUCSON! I love "Venture Brothers" and the rendition of the Joes coming into the bay talking to Samson is EXACTLY how I picture this movie.

As for lilej2. **** YOU BRO!!!! I have been an AVID fan of GI Joe since 1986 and I will rant and rave all I want to about how this lineup of casting anomalies EVER made it into a movie I've been waiting for since freakin' "Cobra-La". I HAVE seen footage, FYI, and I've seen posters, script details, plot outlines etc etc etc and it all smells like someone left a freakin' school of rabid skunks in a desk drawer for a week to starve to death or cannabalize each other!

I am not one to piss on adaptations based on a trailer, some pics, casting etc but *****AMN if this isn't mounting up to be the WORST adaptation my prepubescent mind has been clamoring for since I was 4 years old! You've go to be kidding me with Marlon Wayans, "Hawk" in a "Flint" outfit, JGL as Cobra ****ing Commander and "James McCullen" C'MON MAN! Where's the love for anything even resembling GI JOE; The names? WELL **** THAT CRAP!!!!! This has been raped and pillaged beyond recognition and aside from being a semi-decent action flick that has absolutely nothing to do with "GI Joe' in it's ENTIRETY I absolutely PISSSSSSSSSSS all over the guys who decided to take one of the best franchises in American history and turn it into some slapstick, shoot 'em up, comic relief, panzified, action movie for the teeny boppers and Jonas Brothers crowd who delve into "retro" pop culture ONLY for the simple fact that it's retro! I can't for 1 second stand to see one of my favorites of all time be obliterated in the death-throws of a production company who has no idea what the **** they're talking about or have anybody on their staff who is even REMOTELY familiar with the toys or comics.

I can have ANYONE who has been a frequenter of this site (and knows who IonParallax is) for the last 2 months that I never, and I say NEVER go on a rant like this unless it is absolutely justified; and in this, IT IS ABSOLUTELY JUSTIFIED! I don't have to wait for ****ing Sunday because I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT. So take your "I'm lilej2 and I want to squander my useless knowledge about blah blah blah blah on CBM.com to you guys because you sound like babies" BULLSHIT and shove it directly up your Urethra until your Vas Deferens and Seminal Vesicle decide they want to own to up to being a MAN and join the club with the rest of the MEN and stop being so non-chelant in your comments and make some real noise! Either agree with us or don't, but if you don't, at least have the decency to wait until your ****ing testicles drop before you come in to the sandbox and play with big boys with the big toys!

Name it ****ing "Warpath 1" or "I raped an American Classic for $$$$$" but for GOD'S sake do NOT name it "GI JOE" this is NOT and NEVER will be GI Joe. To all you people out there who think this is either a good adaptation or a good representation of what GI Joe SHOULD be for 21st century, [frick] YOU!!!!! I stick a BIG middle finger up to ANYONE saying this is how it should be now and this is the way the world wants to see it because it's the 21st century and BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH mother ****ing BLAH because deep down inside you're just too jealous to admit this is AMERICAN; 100% and you don't like the idea of America being the big badasses in world. Well, guess what ya freakin' panzies; WE ARE! Young, rich, ballsy, outspoken, rebellious, tenacious ready and willing to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to make the world a better place. Yea, we screw things up, so what? We're freakin' 233 years old!! We're pretty much the NKOTB when it comes to world politics. Egyptian - 6000 yrs, Middle East/Arabia/Sumeria/India/Persia - 8000 years, China - 5000 yrs, Greco-Roman - 3000 yrs, British/Germanic/Franciscan/Welsh/Scottish/Irish/Portugese/Spanish - 2500 yrs etc etc etc. We've got 233 years under our belts and we've done absolutey PHENOMENAL. I've been around for more than 10% of our existence and it seems to me if I want to go on and on about how something that I've grown to love and came STRAIGHT from my native soil is being tarnished by my own brethren. You better GD believe it I'm going to make my opinion know. NOT just on CBM but on a multitude of adaptation related sites from SHH to HISSTANK to GLCorps to NukeTheFridge to every other site I can get my hands on about this one because it's a TOTAL SHITFEST! So, again, lilej2, either let the testes descend or keep your "mouth" SHUT!!!!!

As for all my non-American brethren who enjot GI Joe as much as the next guy, I apologize. No offense to any country, nationality, place of origin etc. But when it comes to homegrown in the USA, I defend it to the fullest. Narrow-minded patriotism aside, I love you all and in no way was I trying to demean in anyway your homeland. Just merely stating the passion I have for something I hold near and dear to me. For those of you who know me, ya know I'm not normally like this, for those of you who don't, I'm not normally like this, ask anyone. But this one got me right where it counts and I'll be damned if I didn't strike back.
CRUSH - 1/31/2009, 1:50 AM
Ion, I am Canadian & a big fan of G.I. JOE, and this is NOT G.I. JOE.
I agree with everything you said !

(the sound of clapping)
NylonElf - 1/31/2009, 12:23 PM
Guys, there is no hope for this movie. Absolutely none. "The Doctor" is Cobra Commander.
shibazz - 1/31/2009, 1:44 PM
Ion don't Shiv, this comment is Balls Nasty!..... Yup Ion dont Shiv
ElBeaster - 1/31/2009, 2:25 PM
This movie will suffer the same fate as Dragonball Evolution. Both of them would only appeal to a small amount of people, so they tried to make them cooler and in turn just made it so they'll appeal to no one.
RorMachine - 1/31/2009, 2:40 PM
haha slice n dice shibazz, you one cool chicken leg!
Juicerules - 1/31/2009, 7:54 PM
The doctor has to be Dr Mindbender. I think something will happen to Destro's face which will make him wear the mask. People need to remember this is based off of a comic book, and probably more from the cartoon. We need to stop expecting the next Citizen Kane. It's GI Joe. It's supposed to be somewhat cheesy
Oddfellow - 2/1/2009, 7:44 AM
I'm gonna say that these are fan-made and even if they're not, they remind me clearly of the file cards right off the back of my action figures. Those weren't award-winning prose either.

Gtrman earlier was complaining about the international aspect of this new team. While it may be a Real American Hero, there have been PLENTY of non-American Joes in the sacred cartoon and toyline. I remember I used to have the International Team. Had a Russian, a Chinese dude and I forgot who else. Can't even remember their names.

And Ion, you oughta relax. GI Joe has always had its blend of comedy, shoot em up and pansiness (Ever notice no one ever died? Or got wounded? Except Duke? And even he came out of the coma!). Its just what it is.

Think of everything that this "sacred" franchise has put out from playdough armor to Mutant Cobras to yes, even, Cobra-la.
There's no bar of standard.

I have a feeling that this movie will satisfy its core requirement of being about a team of highly trained elite special ops out to defeat a high tech terrorist group. That's what Joe has always been about since fuzzy hair and kung fu grip.

The outfits are exactly what I expect an elite special ops cadre to wear and so are the Cobra members. For example, I really never believed Zartan would dress with the face paint and all that in real life, if he was the "master of disguise."
And I have a feeling we'll build up to the mask for Destro. If not, I believe they'll handle it as they did for Doctor Doom and we'll just have to grouse and LIVE WITH IT.

That being said, I'm digging Dr. Mindbender's look. I hope that's a true cyborg and not just some sort of gas mask because that would just make the Doc all sorts of crazy sick awesome.
NylonElf - 2/1/2009, 6:25 PM
Juicerules: I know it's Mindbender... but they put Mindbender and Cobra Commander together. They pulled a Rhas Al Ghul and smushed the two characters together. He starts off as Dr. Mindbender then becomes Cobra Commander.
comicb00kguy - 2/2/2009, 8:01 AM
Everything I see from this movie makes it look worse and worse. Read these cards, and be buried by the clichés that appear on each of them. These generic characters could come from any of 50 or more essentially identical movies that have already come out. G.I. Joe had some clever and unique characters in it. That was part of what made them cool and fun. There's nothing here that sounds clever or unique.

Take this "The Doctor"- is that supposed to be some crappy knockoff of Dr. Mindbender? This guy looks as much like Dr. Mindbender as Dr. J! Pathetic.

This movie is a sad example of what happens when "realism" replaces "imagination" and "creativity". I'm glad to see so many of you here of similar sentiments. Ion- your last post here was absolute brilliance. Standing O!
Shaman - 2/2/2009, 9:03 AM
I'm Canadian and i second ION! Plus i can atest that he normally isn't like this. He's always the one to defend the adaptations coming out when all we've seen of them are posters, pictures and a mere trailer. But he is totally RIGHT on everything he said about this puss filled shitcake of a movie! They're trying to feed us catpoop by promissing us a steak in the end! Well i'm not eating it! I won't it catpoop! I WON'T!!! I'm not gonna eat that catpoop! It's not gonna happen! I'm not eating catpoop! NEVER!!!.....NO!!!
CRUSH - 2/2/2009, 12:37 PM
where you from in Canada Shaman ?
Shaman - 2/2/2009, 3:09 PM
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