EDITORIAL: Reasons Why The GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY Trailer Was Terribly Cheesy and Terribly Terrible

EDITORIAL: Reasons Why The GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY Trailer Was Terribly Cheesy and Terribly Terrible

Wow what a bad trailer Marvel released, you think they would release a great trailer for an amazing potential upcoming blockbuster but no all we got was just a mixed bag of meh and uh whats. Here is the reasons why I truly think this trailer was a real stinker, read on for more fans!

Now before you go about to attack me, this is my own thoughts and opinions truly. You got your thoughts and opinions like I do, and I have my own. Now push that to the side and set aside all your prejudices. Am not looking forward to Guardians of The Galaxy that much. Oh yeah look Marvel got a talking raccoon firing a gun on top of a tree on the big screen even before a Wonder Woman film is even made! Woohoo? Other than that there is still nothing much to celebrate about. Besides the anticipation of the trailer the wait is over! And the wait is a pile of disappointment and crap churned into a bucket of chum ice cream. Let me go over the problems that obviously were in place with this stinker of a trailer.

Obvious Indiana Jones Rip-Off

Oh yeah rip-off other movies to make your movie seem so great and timeless. Harrison Ford would spit on you. I wish that floating ball would have just made itself giant and crushed Chris Pratt.


Star-Lord Name Comedy Skit

"Who are you?", *then dramatic pause*...."Star-Lord". "Who?". "Star-Lord man, legendary outlaw, *other guy raises arms like dafuq* "Fogetit" - Cut To Marvel Logo. My only reaction to this....

It was absolutely not funny at all. And Chris Pratt still hasn't sold me on the idea he is really an actor. Is he an actor? I don't even know who this guy is and don't care.


A Universal Remote

Seriously what year does this crap take place in? If you wanted to make a universal remote look cool at least make it not look like it came straight out of the 80s. Even Adam Sandler had a better looking remote in Click.


Nova Corps Halloween Costumes

Oh wow Marvel, please tell me at which thrift stores did you buy those costumes! Did they come with those cool neon lights also? Must have cost a fortune. Even Quicksilver in X-Men DOFP looks 100 times more realistic than all of them.


Bautista Trying To Look Serious as Drax

Arghhh put on your serious face! Now look around menacingly but don't speak or else they would know your Bautista and you starred in that crappy direct to DVD Scorpion King sequel....


The Entire Guardians of The Galaxy Intro

If you really wanted to make it serious, next time don't have John C Reilly do a voice over on it. Otherwise, MARVEL'S NEXT LATEST PHASE 2 COMEDY WOOHOO! Oh yeah, and Reilly's voice is so annoying. Mute button please.


Glow in The Dark Bracelets

The next big thing from Guardians of The Galaxy next to the over use of neon lights, glow in the dark bracelets! Coming soon at a Guardians of The Galaxy toy retailer near you!


Star-Lord's Long Glorious Middle Finger

Oh yes this takes me way back in the good ole days when that was considered a thing. Is it still a thing? Oh Star-Lord you don't have to be sorry. You silly, silly not actor.


A F***ing Walkman....

First a Universal Remote now this!? On top of that it's played a song from the 70s! Isn't this supposed to be the future!? I could already hear Doc Brown echoing "Great Scott!" from miles away. Alright Marvel this joke isn't funny. If your going to make the future look this crappy at least have Stallone make a cameo as Judge Dredd.


Star-Lord Wants Those Headphones

"TAKE THOSE HEADPHONES OFF RIGHT NOW!". And also look at my fabulous glow in the dark bracelets coming soon at a Guardians of The Galaxy toy retailer near you!


Flying Star Wars Ship Rip-Off

First they want to rip off Indiana Jones now Star Wars? Come on Marvel!


Heisenberg Makes a Cameo

I would say it's a highlight of the trailer, but still, trailer is crap.


Oh Hai Mr.Mugatu!


Terrible Action Shots Galore Editing

JENGA-HUGA-HUGA! And so much terrible editing everywhere. It felt like a seizure good gosh! Who the heck did Marvel hire to edit this trailer Tommy Wiseau!?


Overall the trailer was terrible. It was a teaser trailer, although the only thing it teased was how big it would bomb. James Gunn, you have good intentions but why man? This must be the reason why Marvel isn't planning a sequel at all. It just looks so conventionally silly and unMarvel like. What do you think? I got no clue at all. Peace and thanks for reading, I am very distressed now. May need to take a long walk outside and think this over. But I doubt my own thoughts and opinions would change.

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Filed Under "Guardians of the Galaxy" 2/19/2014
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dannramm113 - 2/19/2014, 8:18 PM
Agreed with everything, but Riley is not only a comedic actor, he does serious.although it seriously sucked having him narrate
SmokinIndo - 2/19/2014, 8:25 PM
I can't tell if this article is trying to be sarcastic.
Darkknight2149 - 2/19/2014, 8:55 PM
I found the trailer disappointing, but I'm still excited for the film. The trailer was nowhere near as bad as this guy makes it out to be, but still not very good. Of course, this is only a teaser. It's going to need more than this to get me "un-hyped." There's a lot we haven't seen like decent footage of Ronan, Collector, Thanos (who will be in the movie), Nova, ETC. One bad teaser isn't going to ruin my anticipation for the film. I will continue to be hyped unless we get "real" footage that shows otherwise, which I doubt will happen. This trailer only gave us a glimpse at the film.
Darkknight2149 - 2/19/2014, 8:58 PM
I do agree we need that Wonder Woman movie, though. Big WW fan.
SauronsBANE - 2/19/2014, 9:32 PM
It's a Jacky article, guys...
SauronsBANE - 2/19/2014, 9:35 PM
Seriously though, this movie COULD be a huge hit. It's got that weird quality of being way over-the-top and goofy, ridiculous amounts of comedy and dry humor, extremely weird characters...and it knows it. It embraces it. It's not taking itself too seriously, in fact it's almost like it's making fun of itself. And honestly, that's probably the best way to go about it, IMO.

Personally, I'm not really into movies like that, even though I'll definitely see this. I'll have to get over the whole tone of the film if I want to enjoy it. But the general audience will love it, mark my words.
HeisenbergSaysRelax - 2/19/2014, 9:36 PM
"Harrison Ford would spit on you"

Volthoom - 2/19/2014, 9:53 PM
even if this is meant as sarcasm i agree.
Alphadog - 2/20/2014, 12:00 AM
I'm not even going to comment I'm just going to ask you, WHY THE [FRICK] DID YOU MAKE THIS ARTICLE? I'm serious, why did you feel like anyone would care about if you enjoyed or not the trailer? This article is a porely done review and not one that people would be interested in reading. This isn't an editorial, this is a review and it doesn't deserve the title that you gave it nor does it belong in this section. I'm not going to comment on what you actually wrote more than that this trailer was clearly supposed to introduce these characters and the next trailer will probably be much better and give you a bigger sense of what the movie will be.
Alphadog - 2/20/2014, 12:02 AM
Just move away from the computer for a while until you find something that matters for you to write. Right now you are just infesting the Editorial section.
Highflyer - 2/20/2014, 12:35 AM
Batista looked intimidating as Frick to me.
dethpillow - 2/20/2014, 1:47 AM
I have to say Jacky, I roundly agree on every point, in fact I have few to add as well!! But you really hit the nail with these. these are the elephants in the room, and as we can already see... no one wants to pull their heads out of the sand and take a look.

ostriches and elephants. bad roommates. worst odd couple room mate situation are ostriches and elephants. one doesn't see the other one. the other doesn't ever forget anything. recipe for disaster.

but people like to cling to their safety, you know?

everyone wants to keep right on sailing, but no one wants to pay for the boat. everybody wants to have the day off, but who's gonna get the job done? everyone wants the newest carton of milk, but you can't keep ignoring the older carton of milk forever. or maybe one person can, but everybody can't.

well i think too much about this world to simply wash my hands. or be some pink ostritch in the middle of the room. like some kind of 100 pound gorilla that thinks it's invisible and safe. no, of course there's clamoring to dischord here in the comments and across all the editorial arenas... to hold up Guardians of The Galaxy to a clean light is to expose these hiders and charlatans and make them come out of their woodworks. like an infestation.
it's hard medicine, and a thankless task, but the world will surely be better all for it.

so i agree and also, I thought the Raccoon was gonna talk, and i get they're keeping his voice a secret for now cuz they want to hold on to some mystery that keeps drawing us further along closer to the release date. but why does everything have to be cloaked and worried about?

i get it, they're marketing, but would it have killed them to have the Raccoon talk? just even at the very end, like made some kind of actual joke instead of the blunt comedy stylings of all the other actors. John Reilly was "phoning" it in, if he expects to keep getting paid, he's gonna have to do better than that. what the hell was that? it was like Morton/Schuman Amateur Hour Theater of the Absurd. like Groucho Marx level of shenanigans. really? he's capable of so much better, but i guess he leaves that back at home. doesn't bring it to the comic book movies, i guess.

i'm sick of these "so-called" stars of the industry who agree to sink down to our level once in a while for a charity gig of a comic book movie. that's what they act like... like they're doing us a favor by slumming around in the neighborhood and we're supposed to just worship whatever dribbles out of them like a used up box of wine. but they keep the bottles of wine at home and save them for the "real" movies. people like Morgan Freeman and Anthony Hopkins, Ben Kingsley and what's her name. that thing person that plays Thor's girlfriend. and scowls at everyone. i can't even remember her name now, that's how useless she is to any Thor movie ever made. how funny is a joke ever gonna be if the person in the movie is scowling at you like they hate your guts?

i'm sick of those "Hollywood" actors and that whole entitled mentality that comes with their attitude. John Reilly thinks he can get away with anything now. he's too emboldened and doesn't even think twice about it anymore. i guess he just does what he wants to... cuz he's John Reilly. (putting in a middle initial doesn't make you any more special than anyone else, John "C" Reilly. i could be dethCpillow if i wanted to be lame like he is)

or Jacky, maybe you should do it too, maybe then you'd be able to ask for more money per article if you were PsychoManiacCJacky.... lol. see how far that gets us both. i don't think so, John Reilly, maybe he should get a real job one day and find out that no one's boss cares what their middle initial is.

I'd like to see him pull that stuff where I come from... he'd would be one puzzled panther, that's for sure. reality check, John Reilly, you don't get paid for movies based on the amount of letters in your name, maybe that's what you thought. oh also, John Reilly, you don't get paid for movies based on how many pounds you weigh, so it's not gonna hurt you to lose some weight. or based on how much alcohol you drink before you arrive at the set in a hungover stupor of being washed and middle aged snapping at people who are "lesser people" than someone as important as you are.

but i like what he did as doctor brule for Tim and Eric so I can give him a pass on this one. but i'm just giving him a little reality check, cuz he's headed for a big crash if he thinks he can just keep coasting by on his own coat tails of past glory. i hope he took this job seriously this time.

i kind of wonder if James Gunn and Marvel are taking this movie seriously. that's really what I wonder now.

and before anyone jumps down my throat to scowl and point out flaws... yes, i know this is a comedy styling of movie tone, i know the source material is also styled comedically. but that doesnt' mean you have to treat it like a joke. earlier, i said Groucho Marx... well do u think he just waltzed on to set, dancing and jiving and getting drunk and being snide the whole time? no. certainly not, the man was an artist, first and foremost. a comedian and prankster second. and a loving friend and pillar of society third.

compare that to James Gunn and John "C" Reilly and tell me what you think. people these days just wanna skip to the good stuff and not put in the time pulling up their own bootstraps and earning a paycheck. well i hope none od them get paid a dime based on this trailer. once we get a trailer that lives up to what Rocket Raccoon really is, then fine... pay them some of what they've earned, but until then...... i don't see anything that makes me think anyone deserves a dime yet.

and last thing i'm gonna say... yes! Marvel's prop department strikes again!!
what is it with the college drama department look of all the Dark Elves, Chitauri and Hydra and now Nova Corps and every alien? these movies cost soooo much money, what are they spending it on?

from the look of these costumes, it looks like maybe they're spending it on more initials for John "C" Reilly to put in his name. lol, smh.

maybe if they worried less about Drax's nipples and shoving them in our face constantly, maybe they could actually have time to come up with better costumes than whatever it is they stole from James Gunn's mom's old wardrobe.

we better get Rocket Raccoon soon, or else i'm calling this one an incomplete grade. we got like 2 seconds of Rocket and he didn't even say anything.
dethpillow - 2/20/2014, 2:00 AM
i bet they haven't even taped Rocket Raccoon's parts yet. i wouldn't be surprised to hear that this is truly why he didn't even talk during the trailer.

haven't we learned with Iron Man 2 and Spider-man 3 what happens when you put things off til the last minute? James Gunn seems almost hell bent to make sure Marvel doesn't manage to continue it's dominating streak of the CBM landscape.

he's really turning out to be a fly in the ointment.
dethpillow - 2/20/2014, 2:10 AM
they've had Bradley Cooper hired and in their cast for months and months now...
no one can even get the guy to do a few minutes, few seconds even of voiceover for a trailer???

these people are like 5 year old kids, not movie makers. you know what this trailer is? it's the exact same thing they showed at Comic Con...
they haven't done a single bit of work since then. i'm betting you the movie is already done as far they're concerned and they're gonna move on to the more pressing business of going to parties in "Hollywood" and driving their electric cars around and talking on cellphones and making political funds and telling us in interviews how and when to exercise our freedom to democracy. and who to vote for.

Rome is burning, people, time to wake up. i hate to be such a Cassandra, but it's time to put the fiddle down and take care of business. in other words... get the movie done!! get Rocket's voice tracks in there and put them in surround sound so that it's professional quality, and not just like some kid in his basement with Garage band on his cracked ipad or whatever. i can't believe this. this is leading up to the fully dimensioned onslaught that is Whedon's Avengers 2, this is butch league tokenism and it's gonna be a bloodbath out there. they don't know what's coming for them, they really don't.

Joss Whedon doesn't play games with chumps like James Gunn. he doesn't take kindly to glib antics and tap dance routines. Joss "The Boss" Whedon doesn't suffer fools kindly. and unless we hear Rocket talking pretty soon, i think the world's about to witness exactly what I mean by that.
EXODUZ - 2/20/2014, 2:54 AM
Peter Quill was taken from Earth as a kid in the 80's and hasn't been back since. It makes sense that he has a walkman, as that was the last bit of earth tech that he's taken with him, also the mix tape music being from that time period makes sense in that context. The idea is that Guardians isn't happening in "the future", but just on distant planets with different technology. If they did it in the future there would be no way they could come ever end up interacting with the Avengers in later films.

The tone of these films are supposed to be funny and not take themselves seriously, think hitchhikers guide meets doctor who meets firefly. If that's not your cup of tea, there are your captain americas and your Thors to fall back on. Personally I like it, and it's a break from every other space epic that seems to be full of serious people on spaceships giving orders to other people.

I'm glad they left out rocket's and groot's voices, even if they have completed them. I was afraid of having the film pay too much screen time to them and have the marketing based completely around them since they are the odd ones of the bunch. I'm glad they didn't and instead gave the screen time to Star Lord, seeing as he is supposed to be the central figure anyway. Gamora and Drax didn't say a word and I don't hear anyone complaining about that.
OcciferPing - 2/20/2014, 2:58 AM
Good lord man this is some of the worst nitpicking I have seen so far on here. I would suggest watching the IGN Rewind Theater video about this trailer before you start hating on everything. They pretty much explain everything about his walkman and the character since you clearly know nothing about either of those. It's there for a good reason.

And secondly, I don't think they're going for a serious movie considering there is a talking raccoon and a talking tree.

There's opinions, and then there's just hating (which you're doing).
PewPewMcgee - 2/20/2014, 3:22 AM
I agree with @StingyFox. This is pure hate. It's not even an opinion, just you hating on the movie.

And you can't get on the Walkman and the headphones. Those are integral to Star Lord's character. They're some of his last memories from Earth and they're extremely important to him and to who he is as a character. So don't hate.
Nubase - 2/20/2014, 3:43 AM
The fact is that its true, of course marvel fans will defend the movie to the end, even though l'm sure there a few who feel the same but will never admit but to me the movie looks like a dvd sci fi movie, it gives off that feel.

l'm sure the movie will be a fun movie and that's what marvel are approaching this movie, its not gone be better then iron man, avengers, cap, or thor, this movie will be a space comedy, l mean how can it be a serous space movie when you got a talking racoon and talking tree!

the fact is that when marvel release a trailer or movie, dc fans and neutral will attack it and when DC release a trailer or movie Marvel fans will attack, its just the way it is and will never change, l'm a DC fan and a marvel fan so when l see a movie l just want to be entertained.
Pasto - 2/20/2014, 5:33 AM
Trailer was aight. Had some good things, had some bad. Solid trailer in the end though.
Pasto - 2/20/2014, 5:37 AM
Man, people have been on here a damn long time and STILL don't know what a Jacky article is? Shameful. Crawl back under your beds with your thumbs planted firmly back up your arse's. Leave the comments to people who actually know whats going on.
Boyle360 - 2/20/2014, 6:34 AM
This has to be sarcastic. If not, your arguments are biased and ridiculous.
GinjaNinja - 2/20/2014, 6:48 AM
its called a get to know the characters trailer. Also you have no clue....... oh wait... Its jacky lol!
GinjaNinja - 2/20/2014, 6:48 AM
trailer in all honesty wasn't that good. HOWEVER!!! this was a get to know the characters trailer, now a get the story accross railer.
PAF - 2/20/2014, 6:54 AM
Wow. People need to look up the word HOMAGE. On another note, SEETHE heathens. GOTG is the next best thing and you will deal.
NovaCorpsFan - 2/20/2014, 6:57 AM
You guys realise this is satire right? This is a Jacky article. He claims he's being honest with everything, but this is satirical.
Doopie - 2/20/2014, 7:05 AM
yep it's jacky all right. he almost had me too until i got to his name. 'glow in the dark bracelets' is funny
dethpillow - 2/20/2014, 7:12 AM
you know to show you guys how rad the trailer COULDVE been... if they'd put a little more work into it. what if they did this.

everything is exactly the same except at the very end you see the Warner Bros logo pop up, and Rocket pops out of the middle of it, like Porky Pig, except he's wearing a Batman mask. and "Th-Th-Th-That's all Folks!!!!" he says in the sense that Rocket can speak and we could actually hear his voice and watch him talking.

and so after that there's an awkward silence and he looks around and says
"so that what's that feels like" and he uncomfortably disappears back into the Warner logo and there's more silence for about 6 seconds.

and then he pops up again, still in Batman mask and says..."My Wife!!! I don't have a wife!! Catwoman stole my car!!!!"

and then you hear that comedy drum beat, buh-dum-bum. and you hear all this clapping and screaming and people going wild for Rocket, hooting and yelling his name out. and he tears the Batman mask off and throws it on the ground like a used up rag, and it launches into a fanfare as the trailer fades out over 10 more seconds of Rocket bowing to the audience and accepting flowers and having underwear and money thrown at him.

now how rad would that have been?

that would introduce his character a lot better than the misleading mess of a quasi-trailer that James Gunn worked so not hard on apparently.

people wouldn't be able to talk about anything but Rocket right now if they'd done that.
dethpillow - 2/20/2014, 7:31 AM
or what if the trailer faked you out... so that it started out like a recreation of the scene in MOS where Superman kills Zod. and everything is all epic and Superman and Zod are both making struggling and turmoil faces as they wrestle together. and right when it's almost time for the death blow,

Rocket pops out of nowhere, and Superman and Zod both stop in shock, staring at this Raccoon wearing clothes. and Rocket says

"Oi, mate... Lemme show ya how it's done..."

and he pulls his gun and shots Zod in the head and kills him. and Superman is disgusted looking at the now mangled body in his arms and he's kinda pissed, cuz the moment's been ruined now.

and Rocket blows air over the muzzle of his gun and winks at Superman and says "nice job, Supes." and he turns to go, but then turns back around and says...

"oh, almost forgot, your mum told me to give u these... i guess you forgot them at home today" and then he holds up a pair of red underwear and tosses it over and they land with a plop on Superman's head. and there's that sound effect like....


and Superman's embarrassed and his face turns red and everyone starts laughing at him. and Rocket jumps up into the outstretched arms of Lois Lane, who's in a sexy nightgown now and and she walks seductively off screen with Rocket still in her arms as the trailer we saw last night launches into effect.

that'd be another rad way to do it. and really stick it to WB as well.
they blew it tho, so many things they could've done, but instead, they do nothing. just a whole trailer of Rocket not saying a single word. and John C Reilly chewing up the scenery.

i didn't know the movie's really about him. that seems weird, it seems like the movie should more be about maybe....The actual Guardians Of The Galaxy? and not John C Reilly. in my opinion at least.
ALmazing - 2/20/2014, 8:43 AM
This article was "Terribly Cheesy and Terribly Terrible."
HeisenbergSaysRelax - 2/20/2014, 9:14 AM
What's with everyone getting all worked up? It's [frick]ing Jacky, man! This is hilarious. Take a chill pill. I honestly found this hilarious. Great work, Jacky.
LeeroyJenkins - 2/20/2014, 9:42 AM
Sounds like you have a real personal problem
GageHarts - 2/20/2014, 10:02 AM
If this is sarcasm then I think it was a great write up. If it's serious then you know nothing about the property.
You made that very clear when you got to the part about Quills Walkman.
MrReese - 2/20/2014, 10:09 AM
Jacky does it again. XD
dripdry - 2/20/2014, 11:37 AM
Wow must be a real lonely life being a critic, mate everything you said is so seriously pathetic.
I can tell you have not read anything or know nothing about the characters..... Pathetic article , it's a fun movie for kids and families .
The Walkman plays 80. Music because he is a child of the late 70s early 80s , he was taken into the future as a child , so that's why he has the attachment too it.

Draw looks so cool, I wonder why you are so negative and bash things in such a manner .do you work for dc, fox, sony ?
Sort it out mate because this article really sucks .
DellRusk - 2/20/2014, 4:01 PM
STAR-LORD was abducted as a child. That walkman is probably the only thing he has that reminds him of Earth. That's why he is so attached to it.
Bearjew - 2/21/2014, 8:29 AM
Anyone who seriously can judge the movie from the first trailer is retarded but if I had to, I'd say [frick] yeah I'll see that movie
shadyginzo - 2/21/2014, 12:49 PM
disagree with you entirely. I thought the trailer somehow managed to overlook almost every character for the sake of a rigid bio and I would have appreciated SOME plot - however I'm behind the film and Gunn 100%. Your criticisms however are verging on the ridiculous. by your logic nobody can ever put a tomb based heist scene in a film ever again because Indie did it already. I'll get in touch with Brian Singer now and let him know Back To the Future already did time travel though.

and if you don't get the Walkman/Middle finger thing then I'm not wasting my time on this any further.
Pasto - 2/23/2014, 6:13 AM
GuardianDevil - 2/24/2014, 5:43 PM
Even IF this was meant to be a joke, or satire I completely agree.

Tho I wouldn't call it complete shit, I didn't like it at all. Still hoping for the best...I hope every CBM this year is good and brings in a lot of money.

I wish every CBM was successful and good...I'm not like the MS sheep who want everyone else to fail...

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