UPDATED! WIN! RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION “Human Hand” Autographed by Milla Jovovich!
Whether you’re a Resident Evil fan, a Milla Jovovich fan, or simply a zombie fan, you’re not going to want to miss out on this awesomely creepy and unique Resident Evil: Retribution movie tie-in item! WINNER ANNOUNCED!
Hey, CBMers! It’s me, Brent Sprecher, former editor, comic book junkie, movie head, and star f*cker, back from the dead to offer my former minions and all of you newbies out there a chance to own an awesomely creepy and unique movie tie-in item: a severed "human hand" autographed by the new queen of sci-fi action movies – surpassing Sigourney Weaver’s four-movie Alien streak – Milla Jovovich!
“What’s this about a ‘human hand?’” you ask, incredulously.
It’s just that, a “human hand” manufactured, inspected and distributed by the evil Umbrella Corporation to keep the t-Virus infected zombie hordes in check. [CBM’s attorney, Foggie Nelson, has instructed me to inform you that it’s not actually a human hand, but a pretzel painted with edible dyes to look like a human hand. Like you thought it was real!]
“Wherever did you get such an awesome thing?” you inquire, enthusiastically.
I had a chance to chat with Queen Jovovich about the latest chapter in the Resident Evil movie franchise, Resident Evil: Retribution, at this year’s San Diego Comic-Con and she was gracious enough to sign my “human hand” not once, but twice (the pen broke through the plastic when she signed it the first time, no doubt infecting all of us with the t-Virus, so she signed it a second time on the paper label), and now I’m offering it to you as a sort of “thank you for being a fan of my work back in the day and for welcoming me back to CBM. In addition to the “human hand,” I’m also including a bottle of official Umbrella Corporation hand sanitizer, guaranteed to stop the t-Virus from turning you into a flesh-eating zombie.
“I want it, I want it! How do I win it?” you shout, as you realize a life-long dream of owning your very own “human hand” autographed by smoking hot former model and superstar actress Milla Jovovich is within your grasp.
Just give this article a “thumbs-up” below and leave a comment about what you love about the Resident Evil franchise and/or Milla Jovovich. I’ll pick one of you at random and contact you via email. You send me your home address and I’ll send you the autographed “human hand” and Umbrella Corporation hand sanitizer. Winner will be chosen Friday, September 7th, so that you can get the goods before the movie opens on September 14th!
NOTE 1: Item is PERISHABLE. I’ll ship it frozen, in a Styrofoam container, but the freshness of the item is NOT GUARANTEED (especially if you live outside of the Continental United States).
NOTE2: The item is edible – I took a bite of a different “human hand” just prior to my interview with Jovovich – but it tastes pretty horrible.
We have a winner! After putting your comments into my BRaiNiaC 5000 super computer (patent pending), the winner of the edible "Human Hand" autographed by Milla Jovovich is...
An email has been sent to imaginejim. If he does not repond within 24 hours, a new winner will be chosen at random from the remaining commenters. Thanks to all who participated!
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Filed Under "Horror
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