EDITORIAL: CBM USer Carl Taylor 's Grievances With MAN OF STEEL

EDITORIAL: CBM USer Carl Taylor 's Grievances With MAN OF STEEL

In this editorial, CBM User Carl Taylor expresses his issues with Zack Snyder's Man Of Steel, starring Henry Cavill. "Take it seriously or don't. The choice is yours," he says.

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By themidnightking - 12/26/2013
My Grievances With Man Of Steel

The CBMs of 2013 all had some problems, but I decided to express my grievances with Man Of Steel.

Grievance #1 The lousiest army in the universe.
In Man of Steel, all Kryptonian babies are genetically engineered. Zod was born to be a warrior and Jor-El was born to be a scientist. On two separate occasions, Jor-El (a scientist) was able to take out two squads of trained soldiers. How the fuck does a scientist kill two different teams of trained soldiers? Jor-El also defeated Krypton's military leader (Zod) by busting out some Tekken style fight moves.

Grievance #2 Jor-El was more of a rebel than Zod was.
Zod led a failed rebellion on Krypton that made absolutely no sense. If Zod were to succeed, nothing would have changed except for Zod being in control. Jor-El rebelled for a reason and it made sense. Jor-El wanted his race to live on, but he knew it couldn't on Krypton so he stole the codex and infused it with his naturally born child and sent them both into space. Jor-El has once again beat Zod at his own game.

Grievance #3 Jonathan Kent is a huge asshole.
When Clark saved his classmates from a watery grave, Pa Kent suggested that Clark shouldn't have saved them, here's the problem with that, a lot more eyebrows would have been raised if Clark was the only one to have survived the crash. Jonathan Kent's final moments was also a dick move. Instead of letting Clark save him, he made his wife and adopted son watch him die. He clearly didn't give a rats ass about traumatizing his son and breaking his wife's heart.

Grievance #4 Lois Lane was a one-dimensional character.
Lois Lane was so annoying in Man Of Steel, when she said the "measuring dicks" line, I just knew that she was only in the movie to play the "mean lady who becomes nice when she gets some super powered strange" role.

Grievance #5 Clark Kent don't give a shit bout yo job.
Clark Kent gets heckled by a drunk trucker and walks away, this would be good enough to show that Clark is the bigger man, but no, he destroys the man's truck and livelihood. Did Clark even seem to think that that guy could have been trying to support his family? How did Clark know which truck was his? Did he smash all of them just to be sure? In the Battle of Smallville, he destroys a bank, a Sears, an IHOP, and a 7-11. The 7-11 and IHOP both had people in them! Half of his home town is unemployed because he couldn't have fought Zod in a field.

Grievance #6 Lack of Torture
As a proud citizen of America (Fuck yeah!) I know what my Govt. does to people who've seen things that they shouldn't. When Lois Lane was apprehended by the military, they should've had a field day water boarding her ass.

Grievance #7 We don't negotiate with terrorists (Zod and the funky bunch)
The US of A don't negotiate with alien scum!

Grievance #8 The world has just been threatened, why the hell aren't you consulting with your space dad?
If Clark would have talked to Jor-El after Zod threatened earth, Clark would have known how to stop them. Why are you in damn church, when you can stop Zod without collateral damage?

Grievance #9 Why couldn't Zod just colonize Mars?
HISHE pointed out this glaring hole during their "How Thor: The Dark World should have ended" video. There really is no reason why Zod couldn't have terraformed Mars. So many lives could have been saved.

Grievance #10 Run, you dumb-asses!
When Zod and Supes crashed into the train station, Zod focused his heat vision on the world's dumbest family. These morons had ample time to run out of the way of the blast.

Grievance #11 Who doesn't want superpowers?
Zod doesn't want to share the earth because he thinks it will be to painful to adapt to superpowers, even though a very young Clark had that shit down in one school day. I would want to get stabbed if it meant I could develop superpowers.

Grievance #12 Superman killed Zod to feel special.
Before Superman destroyed the scout ship, (why did it have a birthing chamber if the space program was cut before natural birth conception?) he shouted "Krypton had its chance!" Krypton still could have lived without the codex, but deep inside, Clark knew that he was one of a kind and would stop at nothing to make sure of it, even if it meant killing the rest of his race.

Grievance #13 Kryptonian women are completely unnecessary.
With the birthing chambers already capable of carrying children, all that would be needed is a man's special sauce to fertilize the artificial eggs. In theory, if the Kryptonians would have realized that women wouldn't be needed anymore when they first started the ban on natural births, then the events of Man Of Steel would never have happened.

Grievance #14 The forced first kiss.
After stopping the world engine and Zod's men, Lois and Clark share a kiss on the ashes of Metropolis. Why was the kiss even needed? Under no circumstance would the kiss be necessary.

Grievance #15 Zod gets killed by someone who has only had his first fight about 2-3 hours ago.
Once again, Zod the general, loses to someone who has no military training whatsoever. At this point, I'm pretty sure any Kryptonian can defeat Zod.

Grievance #16 Lack of Slo-Mo.
Man Of Steel is above all else, a Zack Snyder movie, so to expect some slow motion action is warranted. Man Of Steel had no slo-mo at all! All we got was an assload of shakycam. I saw this movie in 3D and got motion sickness because Snyder doesn't believe in tripods.

Grievance #17 A Harbinger of Death.
Man of Steel was promoted as the defining Superman movie. Throughout numerous trailers and television spots, audio of Jor-El telling Supes that he will be a beacon of hope were heard over and over again. When Man Of Steel was finally released in theaters, I thought "Yes! This will be awesome to see the big blue Boy Scout back and better than ever!" I have never been so wrong in my entire life. Every time Clark suited up, destruction quickly followed. Clark saved more people out of his suit than in it.

In conclusion, Man Of Steel was alright. Not good, but not bad. A lot of things were very poorly explained. However, I will say that the action was amazing but the destruction was not. If you didn't like this editorial, then go fuck yourself and read one of the many editorials that suckle on Man Of Steel's hairy teat. *Drops mic* I'm out!
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91 Comments
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Odin - 12/26/2013, 11:58 AM
With some of these I agree, some points I think you must be kidding.
ManCalledSting - 12/26/2013, 12:00 PM
Every time I think I've read the worst editorial ever, another one pops up.
MoonDoggyX - 12/26/2013, 12:04 PM
Awesome read man. At frist you came off as kind of nit-picky, but towards the end the article I thought it was funny and entertaining. Personally, I saw MoS in 3D in theatres and thought it was ok. Got it on Blu-ray, and liked it a lot more. I don't know if my epectations were just lower or what.
themidnightking - 12/26/2013, 12:05 PM
@ Odin I was kidding with some
themidnightking - 12/26/2013, 12:07 PM
@moondoggyx Everytime I watch Man Of Steel I either love it or hate it. I'm still not sure what to make of it.
HankPymp - 12/26/2013, 12:51 PM
Prince doesn't know what to think of this...

DEVLIN712 - 12/26/2013, 12:52 PM
Good write up. Get ready to feel the burn man. Speaking from experience, people are gonna come for your head
JoeMomma29 - 12/26/2013, 1:23 PM
Some points are valid and some are just personal opinion or you were not paying attention to the movie.
Pending - 12/26/2013, 1:48 PM
I still wonder why the Kryptonians even have functioning genitals, Goyer clearly didn't think any of the Krypton stuff through.
TheManFromMars - 12/26/2013, 2:05 PM
"Zod and the funky bunch" got me rolling for some reason.
MrDonut - 12/26/2013, 2:08 PM
It defo wasn't perfect, but it was solid, could've been better admittedly. Either way, tonally it set up the premise for a larger universe and fantastical elements entering a 'realistic' world well, hopefully they sequel will be able to address the flaws and issues and be the better film.
Lhornbk - 12/26/2013, 2:14 PM
*sigh* more fanboy whining about stupid stuff. *sigh*
DeathstrokeTerminator - 12/26/2013, 2:18 PM
@OldGreg
Couldn't agree with you more.
themidnightking - 12/26/2013, 2:27 PM
@devlin712 looks like they are starting to come out now
EpitomeofAwesome - 12/26/2013, 2:28 PM
I wanna kill you, and I'm aimingfor the head! Lol jk, good article. I really like Man of Steel, but I agree with a lot of the points you brought up. And yeah, people are going to want to murder you for this. Just a warning;)
themidnightking - 12/26/2013, 2:33 PM
@epitomeofawesome thanks, I bet my next article will ruffle even more feathers haha
BatManiac - 12/26/2013, 3:25 PM
"I saw this movie in 3D and got motion sickness because Snyder doesn't believe in tripods."

SageMode - 12/26/2013, 3:36 PM
Hahaha. Good ones
Poolio - 12/26/2013, 3:41 PM
Still better than Iron Man 3. Good God, I despise that movie.
GuardianDevil - 12/26/2013, 3:58 PM
All I'm gonna say is, that I could make a list just as long for a film like Avengers. Hell I could even come close with Dark Knight.

Point is: You can make any movie seem terrible by nitpicking it to shreds, even something as excellent as TDK or as popular as Avengers. At the end of the day, it all comes down to your subjective preference and experience with the film.
MoonDoggyX - 12/26/2013, 4:03 PM
@jj63 - very true. I was thinking the exact same thing... But this article is still pretty funny. Kind of like "How It Should Have Ended" or "Honest Trailers"
themidnightking - 12/26/2013, 4:05 PM
@jj63 challenge accepted
SnapperCarr - 12/26/2013, 4:14 PM
This was funny and some points are very true.
fortycals - 12/26/2013, 4:37 PM
Ok write up, but it feels like rocky in a glue factory.
VIRILEMAN - 12/26/2013, 5:17 PM
This was well written and I find myself agreeing with everyone of them. The one about Pa Kent is spot on. People would have really been suspicious if Clark was the only survivor of the bus crash. I never thought of that. That out to put all the Pa Kent defenders in their place!

Great article, this should make main. For the record I thought MoS was ok. Like a 7/10. Superman 2 was still better.
Knightrider - 12/26/2013, 6:02 PM
I won't argue you have some valid points. However most, especially the Pa Kent compliant actually seem demonstrate a lack of understanding. The whole 'maybe' is about a Father wanting to protect his son no matter what the cost, like any parent would, and the way the line is said he clearly doesn't fully believe what he is saying himself.

As for Mars, I think Zod was making it personal, plus who said they could terraform Mars. Maybe the technology requires certain atmospheric conditions to change one thing to another? Who knows...point being it wasn't explained either way so one can assume why.

That being said, will you be tackling all the issues in other films once you think about them.

E.G. Why does Iron Man not fire his tank missile at Iron Monger?
Why does Tony blow up his suits, when despite representing being more man than suits, he has just had to fight an alien invasion, wouldn't he wanna keep them just in case?
Why does Batman stop using shadows during fights?
How does Lex know Kryptonite will kill Superman, without any proper analysing?


So on and so on, I could write a list like this if I nit-picked etc, also helps if I miss the point too.
Moohika - 12/26/2013, 6:02 PM
It seems to me that people were expecting Man of Steel to be as groundbreaking as The Dark Knight and because it wasn't, it's seen as a bust. It's not fair to hold every CBM to that standard, and in my opinion IM3 and The Wolverine weren't much better than MOS, but because they had the luxury of not having a classic movie that came prior, that everyone sees as the definitive version of the character, they can get away with it. Most general moviegoers were expecting to see that '79 Reeve version of Superman who has long been outdated and because what they got instead was a modernized Superman, they didn't know what to think. Eventually Iron Man and Wolverine WILL also be rebooted and we'll see if fans and critics will be able to put aside their feelings of RDJ and Hugh Jackman's versions and enjoy those movies.
AreTudaEDub - 12/26/2013, 6:57 PM
Man......everyone hates Man of Steel or seems to dies like it so much, but funny enough they remember it and continue to talk about it 7 months after it's release. It must have done it job right! Green Lantern was just as "bad" judge by people's opinions and still no one talked about it this long. Just admit it people you watched the movie in theaters, hated it, bought it on blu ray, hate the fact you hated it, love it now and are excited about the future. The movie did just hat it was supposed to do. Get over it now. I Loved the [frick]ing movie to def but now....even I'm sick of hearing you guys post this hit. STFU already!!!!LL
GuardianDevil - 12/26/2013, 8:23 PM
The Avengers
1-Film had no story.

2-Too much of an Iron Man focus.

3-Thor should have obliterated Iron Man in their fight.

4-Hawkeye wasn't even a character, just a zombie.

5-Black Widow wasn't even a character, just eye candy.

6-Black Widow beats Hawkeye by biting him? How ridiculous?

7-Hulk has massively inconsistent behavior. 

8-Thor breaks out of a cage that can hold back Hulk, even though Hulk proved he was stronger when he beat Thor. Inconsistency...

9-Chitauri had no fighting skills at all, much less a plan. They kinda just randomly flip cars and stuff.

10-Captain America realistically should've never been able to stand up to Loki, Iron Man or Thor.

11-Banner was able to find the team in the middle of a hectic New York. How? Mega plot hole right there.

12-Iron Man should NOT have been the one to take the nuke through the wormhole. Thor would've been able to do it in half the time and would be unaffected by the explosion.

13-The movie really lacked emotional depth on many levels.

14-Nick Fury directly disobeys the council and essentially commits treason, but after the battle the council doesn't seem to care at all.

15-Villain is more or less a diva with daddy issues.

16-How the heck does Hawkeye with a {frick}ing arrow take down dozens of super powered, super strength Chitauri.

17-Captain America's "costume update" looks ridiculous.

Are most of these stretches? Yeah.
Are most of them valid? To some degree.
Do I agree with most of them? Hell no!

I really disagree with most of these, but they are all valid to a certain extent. I'm just showing you that you can nitpick any film to shreds. Even a great one like MOS or Avengers.





The Dark Knight

1-Lack of Batman focus, out of the three Nolan films. TDK focuses the least on Batman. Even Rises and Begins focus more on his character.

2-Lack of "cool" fight scenes.

3-Maggie Gyllenhall is a horrible actress and ruins the role.

4-Plot hole: Joker's hair being a certain color in one scene, completely different a second later.

5-Batman gets his butt handed to him by a few dogs.

6-Batman wasn't a very good detective.

7-Joker has no character development or story, he kinda just shows up.

8-How does The Joker sneak into the hospital and put on the uniform without a camera or someone noticing?

9-Joker, a random guy can stand up to one of the world's best martial artists.

10-Judging by the way Batman loses against dogs and a clown presents a challenge, he's really kind of weak.

11-Joker is left on a cliff-hanger, we never know what happens to him.

12-Without Heath Ledger this movie would've never been as good.


That's as many as I can think of. Most of them are untrue IMHO, but they could all be argued. Couldn't make it to 17 with TDK though.
GuardianDevil - 12/26/2013, 8:25 PM
And again I DISAGREE with 90% of those. But all of them could be argued for/against depending on your point of view. So before anyone attempts to start an argument or refute some of these. Understand I personally feel most of those are stretches and wrong. Point is that you can nitpick any movie to hell if you really want to.

JUST FOR THE RECORD:
I give Avengers a 9/10, and Dark Knight a 10/10.
GuardianDevil - 12/26/2013, 8:32 PM
It really all comes down to YOUR subjective preference and experience with the film.
ZeroEffect - 12/26/2013, 8:54 PM

And BOOM!!! goes the dynamite.

MoonDoggyX - 12/26/2013, 10:23 PM
@jj63 - nicely done. I actually think most of your Avengers list is spot on. I fact there's more that u could add that. That sad, I also would rate the Avengers 9/10... And most of what Carl Taylor said aboot MoS is true and I still give it a 8/10.

Objectively, any movie can be picked apart because they all have flaws. Especially when compaired to real life. Where it becomes subjective is when a person decides to ignore the flaws, allow the flaws to ruin the movie, or admit the flaws and enjot the movie anyway.

I definitely fall in the third category about 90 - 95% of the time. For example, I was able to let the flaws go in Transformers and Scot Pilgrim, but couldn't for Prometheus or the Watchmen... I know one set of movies isn't necessarily BETTER than the other, but I just accept that I enjoy some movies more than others.
Starkasm - 12/27/2013, 12:25 AM
@JJ some of your avengers points are really dumb.
Widow beating Hawkeye with a bite? Uhh she bit him to get herself out of a chokehold.
Hulk is inconsistent? How? There's before and after he was being manipulated by loki.
Banner found them because he saw the monitor that was tracking the cube and even if he wasn't wouldn't the rest of the avengers be in the thick of it (near the wormhole)
Thor had no idea the nuke was inbound. IM did.
The rest of your points are personal opinions. Just saying.
Starkasm - 12/27/2013, 12:29 AM
Also Thor was holding back. Iron Man didn't even scratch him.
Facade - 12/27/2013, 6:14 AM
Hahaha...good read.
Nomis - 12/27/2013, 6:28 AM
dougieisrollingthejays - 12/27/2013, 6:37 AM
1-Film had no story.
If we spent to much time on the story we would never have gotten any action in. Plus there was a decent story.

2-Too much of an Iron Man focus.
He didn't have the most screen time.

3-Thor should have obliterated Iron Man in their fight.
He may have been holding back? but agreed.

4-Hawkeye wasn't even a character, just a zombie.
It served a perpose. And showed loki has power. But true in a way.

5-Black Widow wasn't even a character, just eye candy.
False, cage scene.

6-Black Widow beats Hawkeye by biting him? How ridiculous?
False.

7-Hulk has massively inconsistent behavior.
Loki was in control of him during the helicarrier. Granted that was never explained. I hope they do in a tie in comic or something.

8-Thor breaks out of a cage that can hold back Hulk, even though Hulk proved he was stronger when he beat Thor. Inconsistency...
Never said hulk couldn't break out, only that it would drop him thousands of feet if he tried.

9-Chitauri had no fighting skills at all, much less a plan. They kinda just randomly flip cars and stuff.
ehh... there plan was whipe out humanity. But the avengers trashed them.

10-Captain America realistically should've never been able to stand up to Loki, Iron Man or Thor.
Realisticly, no. But in the comics yes. Realisticly there shouldn't be 90% of this world.

11-Banner was able to find the team in the middle of a hectic New York. How? Mega plot hole right there.
I wouldn't say MEGA plot hole. but true.

12-Iron Man should NOT have been the one to take the nuke through the wormhole. Thor would've been able to do it in half the time and would be unaffected by the explosion.
Fury couldn't contact Thor. But it is true it would have been easier.

13-The movie really lacked emotional depth on many levels.
I felt there was a tad of it. Thor/Loki dynamic was solid. Just as good as any CBM I felt. Also I was actually kinda moved by JARVIS calling pepper. Kind of...

14-Nick Fury directly disobeys the council and essentially commits treason, but after the battle the council doesn't seem to care at all.
Everyone loves kobe after he makes a game winner by taking a shot with 5 guys on him. If it didn't work, they would have been mad.

15-Villain is more or less a diva with daddy issues.
no.

16-How the heck does Hawkeye with a {frick}ing arrow take down dozens of super powered, super strength Chitauri.
Again its unrealistic. And his arrows were beast mode.

17-Captain America's "costume update" looks ridiculous.
True facts.

The Dark Knight

1-Lack of Batman focus, out of the three Nolan films. TDK focuses the least on Batman. Even Rises and Begins focus more on his character.

2-Lack of "cool" fight scenes.

3-Maggie Gyllenhall is a horrible actress and ruins the role.

4-Plot hole: Joker's hair being a certain color in one scene, completely different a second later.

5-Batman gets his butt handed to him by a few dogs.

6-Batman wasn't a very good detective.

7-Joker has no character development or story, he kinda just shows up.

8-How does The Joker sneak into the hospital and put on the uniform without a camera or someone noticing?

9-Joker, a random guy can stand up to one of the world's best martial artists.

10-Judging by the way Batman loses against dogs and a clown presents a challenge, he's really kind of weak.

11-Joker is left on a cliff-hanger, we never know what happens to him.

12-Without Heath Ledger this movie would've never been as good.

The Dark Knight

1-Lack of Batman focus, out of the three Nolan films. TDK focuses the least on Batman. Even Rises and Begins focus more on his character.

2-Lack of "cool" fight scenes.

3-Maggie Gyllenhall is a horrible actress and ruins the role.

4-Plot hole: Joker's hair being a certain color in one scene, completely different a second later.

5-Batman gets his butt handed to him by a few dogs.

6-Batman wasn't a very good detective.

7-Joker has no character development or story, he kinda just shows up.

8-How does The Joker sneak into the hospital and put on the uniform without a camera or someone noticing?

9-Joker, a random guy can stand up to one of the world's best martial artists.

10-Judging by the way Batman loses against dogs and a clown presents a challenge, he's really kind of weak.

11-Joker is left on a cliff-hanger, we never know what happens to him.

12-Without Heath Ledger this movie would've never been as good.
dougieisrollingthejays - 12/27/2013, 6:42 AM
oops now the dark knight since I forgot to actually edit.


The Dark Knight

1-Lack of Batman focus, out of the three Nolan films. TDK focuses the least on Batman. Even Rises and Begins focus more on his character.
True, but we didn't really need much more then it had.

2-Lack of "cool" fight scenes.
No.

3-Maggie Gyllenhall is a horrible actress and ruins the role.
She's a horrible actress but didn't ruin it.

4-Plot hole: Joker's hair being a certain color in one scene, completely different a second later.
Sure?

5-Batman gets his butt handed to him by a few dogs.
Dogs are hard to fight, but I think he could have done a tad better. He did beat them in the end.

6-Batman wasn't a very good detective.
True. But the joker is impossible to find. so it goes both ways.

7-Joker has no character development or story, he kinda just shows up.
Which is why its awesome.

8-How does The Joker sneak into the hospital and put on the uniform without a camera or someone noticing?
He's the joker.

9-Joker, a random guy can stand up to one of the world's best martial artists.
in hand to hand? Yeah that was kind of lame. But his mind is even better then batmans.

10-Judging by the way Batman loses against dogs and a clown presents a challenge, he's really kind of weak.
4 dogs and a clown. Not that easy.

11-Joker is left on a cliff-hanger, we never know what happens to him.
Mystery is awesome.

12-Without Heath Ledger this movie would've never been as good.
It would have been good. But not as good as it was.


This is the problem with CBM people. You guys all nitpick like crazy. I know you didn't believe half of them, but 90% of you people do! its like AOS or MoS. Is there crap in them? YES! but are they still decent enough to watch and enjoy and be happy we have them? YES!
dougieisrollingthejays - 12/27/2013, 6:50 AM
Also I agree with most of your editorial. But again its nitpicking! The movie was great! I like Thor and Wolverine more, But it was still in my top 10 films this year, which was hard because there were a lot of good movies.
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