The Main Reason Batman v. Superman Will Probably Be a Big Bag of Suck

The Main Reason Batman v. Superman Will Probably Be a Big Bag of Suck

My anticipation for the new 'Batman v. Superman' film has my gut bubbling like a case of explosive diarrhea, as I layout my case for why this movie is simply going to be a big bag of suck.

batman v superman

When I first heard the news that the follow-up to 2013’s
Man of Steel was going to be centered around a battle of biblical proportions between two of the most legendary comic book heroes of all time, I had a complete and total nerdgasm.

My brain was aflutter with blissful thoughts of scenes from Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns, a comic book classic akin to Shakespeare’s Hamlet, played out in glorious high definition at the local IMAX.

I imagined gleefully watching Batman and Superman pound each other into oblivion, with Gotham City being left in a fiery heap of ashes. I felt as if I’d been teased with a glimpse into the afterlife, as if taken by the hand by some incredibly beautiful angel that strangely resembled a young Angelina Jolie, and was given a chance to place my hands on the pearly gates that would one day give way to an eternity of mind-blowing pleasures that I couldn’t even fathom.

And then a few weeks later my hopes, dreams, and fantasies came crashing down like a film critics opinion on the latest Michael Bay film. Over the coming months, the production was plagued by problems, which shot my confidence in the movie to such a degree that I’m now thoroughly convinced this film is going to be a big bag of suck.

What convinced me to switch my position you ask? Here’s the main reason why I’m positive that a turd in a brown paper bag lit on fire will be better than Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice:

DC/Warner Bros. has not taken the time to establish a shared universe.

Allow me to elaborate.

When Warner Bros. and DC first announced the movie, it was just supposed to feature Batman and Superman, which was cool. The filmmakers hinted at a shared universe for these two heroes in Man of Steel, with shots of the Wayne Industries logo on the satellites in space during the final brawl between Supes and Zod.

While they hadn’t established a reboot yet for Batman, seeing as the Nolan trilogy just finished up a few years ago, this seemed decent enough to introduce the idea to audiences that Batman and Superman existed on the same earth at the same time.

Then they started introducing a butt ton of other characters, mostly those from the DC universe that make up the Justice League. Many of the new heroes and villains they plan on jamming into this movie have not had a proper cinematic introduction through an individual stand alone film to help familiarize the character with audiences who may be unfamiliar with the character’s backstory.

This is where Marvel beats the hell out of DC like a redheaded stepchild. Marvel Studios has had the idea to create a shared, connected universe since Iron Man, and they have executed their plan with almost flawless perfection (minus Iron Man 2).

They introduced each of their characters in a stand alone film, helped audiences connect with them, and then began showing how each movie connected together. Once the foundation for a shared universe was laid, Marvel brought it home with The Avengers. Fans cared about the characters because they already knew who they were.

DC has failed miserably here, but this is not their fault. No, the blame for this fumble on the one-yard-line belongs with Warner Bros., who is notorious for killing the franchises it owns. Think about it. Warner Bros. owns Bugs Bunny and the Looney Tunes. Literally some of the most popular cartoon characters in history, yet they don’t do diddly squat with the franchise.

It’s obvious that Warner Bros. is desperately trying to play catch up to Marvel, who passed them up light years ago. The problem is that in their haste, they’ve elected to forego establishing the universe and have opted to jam characters into Batman v. Superman like creepy circus clowns crammed into those tiny cars.

Look at the disaster that was Spider-Man 3. Enough said.

Now, I admit that there is an astronomically small chance that I could be way off base here. This film could end up being the greatest comic book movie of all time. Granted, there is a greater chance of monkeys flying out of my butt and playing the organ grinder for money, but there’s still a chance.

I really hope that by some miracle of divine intervention the powers that be will create a movie that will be awesome. Seriously. I want this movie to rock. I’m just not confident in Warner Bros. to pull it off. Who knows though, I could end up pleasantly surprised.

What do you guys think? Are you excited about Batman v. Superman? Are you convinced it’s going to suck or do you think it’s going to be the greatest comic movie ever made? Sound off below!

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