Where Are They Now? Cartoon Child Stars
by
Brian VanHooker
Turtle with Lemonade Productions
www.TurtlewithLemonade.com
Scrappy-Doo
Scrappy-Doo was a loveable, smart-alecky pup first introduced to the Scooby-Doo audience in 1978. Feisty, courageous and cute as hell, Scrappy was loved across America for his signature catchphrase "Let me at 'im!" which he would shout at ghosts and ghoulies while giving them a dose of his "Puppy Power." Sadly, his success would start to dwindle in the 80's. While he was starring in more "Scooby" projects, he began to foster resentment towards Scooby-Doo. He was furious that a cowardly dog with a speech impediment always got top billing over the brave and articulate Scrappy, and he would quit the franchise in 1988 following "Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf." He struggled with getting work until the mid 90's, when he began to get steady gigs hosting dog shows, he found it humiliating, but it was steady pay and he would continue to do them until he was humped by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog as the Westminster Dog Show in 2000. After disappearing for a few years, he showed up in the news in 2005 for biting a kid who asked where he could get his Uncle Scooby’s autograph. After receiving some anger management from Cesar Milan, he now has officially retired from acting and decided he is going to write his life story.
Dexter
From 1996 to 2003 Dexter had a very successful show on Cartoon Network and he was recognized as a boy genius with a very bright future. But all good things must come to an end and when his show stopped production in 2003, Dexter was forced to find a new direction in his life. He continued with his experiments and inventions, but he wanted to give back to his country and decided he would apply to work as a scientist for the Department of Defense. The government was all set to hire Dexter in 2006 but he ran into problems during the background check. Several of Dexter's escapades in the past had violated laws and all sorts of environmental regulations. In 1996 Dexter had cloned himself, which, of course, is banned by the federal government. In 1998 he vandalized Mt. Rushmore by turning the head of George Washington into a giant robot. And it was also discovered that he was the owner of a monkey who had violated all kinds of international protocol to fight monsters in foreign countries. Dexter was denied a job and would have trouble getting work elsewhere due to these discoveries. When he went bankrupt in 2008 he began to sell off the patents for his inventions and in late 2009 he turned to a life of crime. Just last year he was arrested for building a meth lab in his basement. He is now out on probation and is under the supervision of his sister Dee-Dee.
Burger King Kids Club Gang
The Burger King Kids Club Gang was a multicultural group of kids introduced by Burger King in 1989. Kid Vid, Boomer, I.Q. and the rest had their heyday throughout the 90’s, when they could be found in every Burger King restaurant in the world, but by the new millennium their popularity began to fade and in 2005 they were formally let go. Due to the fact that they were growing children who were given a diet of only Burger King, most became severely overweight and are currently plagued by health problems. You may remember seeing Lingo, the artistic Latino member, get eliminated in the first week of NBC’s “The Biggest Loser” last season. The other kids didn’t fare much better. I.Q. (the nerd), Jaws (the black kid), and Snaps (the cute blonde), all developed diabetes before age 20. Kid Vid, the group leader, spends most of his time playing video games and reportedly is too fat to leave his home. And sadly, Wheels, the kid in the wheelchair, succumbed to polio and died in 2010. There is a bright side though, J.D., the lovable dog, is in negotiations with Burger King to introduce their new dog treats: “Puppy Fries.”
Elmyra Duff
From 1990 to 1995 Elmyra Duff was one of the core cast members of the show "Tiny Toons." She was a cute, stupid child who just loved to hug and squeeze animals. She never realized that she was hurting the creatures, even when she would squeeze them to death. Once Tiny Toons ended in 1995, Elmyra would briefly get her own series in 1998 entitled "Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain" but it only lasted one season. Unlike many child stars, Elmyra seemed okay with fading from the spotlight, and decided to pursue her love of animals as her new profession. She went to Veterinary school from 2000 to 2007 but never passed a single course. She would inevitably kill all the animals she came in contact with through excessive hugging and kissing. Dissection classes were even more troublesome, as she would often try to hug the animals mid-procedure, causing all their organs to fall on the floor. In 2007 she was permanently kicked out of Veterinary school, and she decided to work in a rescue shelter. When animals began requesting euthanasia over Elmyra, the shelter let her go, and she was forced to give up her job search. Things have taken a downward turn since then, last month she appeared on the show "Animal Hoarders" where it was discovered she had over 300 dead animals in her home.
Dennis the Menace
After already being an icon for decades, Dennis Mitchell reached the height of his career in 1986 when CBS picked up “Dennis the Menace” cartoon show. Easily one of the highest paid kids in the business, Dennis enjoyed enormous success until his show was abruptly cancelled in 1988. During the taping of the episode “Fun with Firecrackers,” Dennis accidentally burned down Mr. Wilson’s house, killing Mr. Wilson. Dennis was later found guilty of manslaughter and served hard time in the Federal Correctional Institution in Otisville, NY. He received some small attention in 2006 when he was interviewed by Geraldo Rivera, but most people forgot about him until his release in 2009. When he got out, Dennis reentered a world that no longer saw him as a lovable menace but as a dangerous maniac. He has struggled to adjust to society, but he stays optimistic about a resurgence of his career. He’s already been selected to appear on the next season of “Dancing with the Stars” along with Bill Nye and President Jimmy Carter.
Henry Hawk
Henry the chicken-hawk first appeared in a Warner Brothers cartoon in 1942 as a foe of Foghorn Leghorn. He had one goal in the shorts he appeared, to get a chicken. Unfortunately, he was very gullible and was often tricked into capturing dogs and other animals in stead of a chicken. When Termite Terrace closed in the 1960’s, Henry Hawk ventured across America in search of the elusive chicken. At first, he only wanted live chickens, but after capturing a turtle, a fish, a Ford F-150 and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, he decided to settle for cooked chicken. He went to KFC, ready to complete his life’s ambition, but somehow got tricked into taking only a biscuit and mashed potatoes. In grocery stores he fared no better and in 2006 he had a nervous breakdown after 60 years of chicken hunting. He went to rehab for two years and reportedly got clean. But last year, when he was a contestant on the “Celebrity Apprentice” it was discovered that he joined the show because he thought Donald Trump was a rooster.
Skeeter
Skeeter was introduced along with the rest of the cast of “Muppet Babies” in 1984, but when the show ended in 1991 the rest of the cast began to develop their talents, while Skeeter seemed to disappear. Apparently, while Rowlf was learning piano, Piggy was becoming an actress/model/singer and Gonzo was refining his brick-wrestling, Skeeter struggled to find her niche in the group. Other Muppets came along who could play the Muppephone and build cloning machines, but Skeeter couldn’t sing, dance or even throw a boomerang fish! The final blow came in 2004 when Disney bought the rights to the Muppets and specifically excluded her, feeling she was dead weight. According to her brother Scooter, Skeeter now lives alone in Indiana, where she recently tried to become a farmer, but ended up killing all of her crops.
Wonder Twins
The Wonder Twins joined the cast of "Super Friends" 1977 to help make the cast more relatable to children. Zan could turn into any form of water and Jayna could become any animal. Along with their pet space monkey Gleek, they were popular members of the Justice League until "Super Friends" ended in 1986, but after the show's cancellation, it seemed that the twins were becoming a source of annoyance for the other superheroes. The other members began to try to drive them out of the group as evidenced by a series of incidents in the late 80's. During one adventure when Jayna turned into a wild boar, Wonder Woman hog-tied her with the golden lasso of truth, when Zan became a snowman at the 1988 Christmas party, Superman melted him with his laser eyes and finally, the Wonder Twins quit when Batman "accidentally" ran over Gleek with the Batmobile. They would branch out on their own as a superhero duo, but no cities wanted them as their protectors do so some disturbing rumors about incest that had been spread around by the Flash. In 1997, Zan and Jayna left Earth to go back to their home planet of Exxor and it is believed they are either retired, dead or plotting a revenge against planet Earth.
Bobby Generic
The lovable, imaginative Bobby Generic starred in Fox's "Bobby's World" on Saturday mornings from 1990 to 1998. He enjoyed great success from the show's run, but like many child stars, he had trouble adjusting to life without being on television. Bobby grew increasingly neurotic as he grew older. He was phobic of almost everything, crowds, germs and even public toilet seats. He would go on to develop severe OCD and would have a great deal of stress whenever fans wanted to hug him or shake his hand. The most shocking development came in 2001 when he completely shaved his head so he would be "cleaner." In spite of these challenges, he still enjoyed some moderate success, in 2005 he became the host of the hit game show "Germs, or No Germs," in which contestants had to choose from 26 different briefcases filled with infectious diseases and choose the one briefcase that had hand sanitizer. The game show ended in 2010, and Bobby is doing well off the royalties, and he was selected to be a judge on NBC's next season of "America's Got Syphilis."
Bamm-Bamm Rubble
In 1963 Bamm-Bamm was added to the cast of “The Flintstones” as the adopted son of Barney and Betty Rubble. Audiences loved his antics with his large club, which he would use to hit other characters on the head. After “The Flintstones” ended in 1966 he got a chance to star in his own show “The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show” but it only lasted for a year before it was cancelled. After this career setback, Bamm-Bamm’s life began to go downhill. He grew increasingly violent, hitting people with his club over the smallest of matters. He impregnated Pebbles when she was 18 but he didn’t get to see the birth of their child because he was arrested for assaulting a police officer. After being released, he took a job as a mechanic and was granted visitation for his son, but Pebbles wanted nothing to do with him. He moved to Hollyrock at the age of 30, to pursue his aspirations of becoming a screenwriter, but his chances of success look slim, due to a recent episode where he bludgeoned Steven Spielberg after he rejected one of his scripts.
problems.