Nova's Funhouse: Poker Night At The Baxter Building

Nova's Funhouse: Poker Night At The Baxter Building

A few of the heroes gather at the Baxter Building for a hearty game of poker. The banter can be described as nothing less than spectacular. This is the longest Funhouse yet, so be ready. Hit the jump for the whole story...

Ben Grimm has organised a poker gathering with some of his other fellow heroes. Among them, Tony Stark, Hulk, Peter Parker, Jessica Drew, Clint Barton, Steve Rogers and Logan. You will never find a more incredible hive of heroes and awesomeness, we must be courageous...


The heroes are gathered round Ben Grimm's poker table. Peter, Jessica and Logan occupy one side, while Steve, Tony and Clint occupy the other. Ben and Hulk are sitting at the ends of the table. Ben is dealing the cards.

Ben: Dealer's left starts, Steve.

Steve: Oh, uh, I fold.

Logan: D'you even know how to play, boyscout?

Steve: Yeah, but I'm not too good so I just fold on the first turn.

Tony: I'm gonna take you to Vegas sometime, train you up.

Steve: There's no need, Stark.

Tony: Suit yourself. I bet 100.

Clint: Jeez, either you're a bad bluffer or you're as clueless as Cap.

Tony: I'll have you know, Clinton, that I have played and beaten some of the greats.

Peter: You haven't beaten a great 'til you beat the ever lovin' blue eyed Thing over there. Now hurry up, some of us have good hands to play.

He pulls his ear.

Clint: See your 100. Raise ya 4.

Hulk: Arrow man playing safe. Bah! Hulk see your 400. Raise you a grand.

Jessica: Ben, I'm not entirely convinced Hulk gets this.

Ben: Trust me, he does.

Jessica glances at Hulk as he follows a fly as it buzzes round the room.

Logan: Well, I see your grand. Raise ya 300.

Peter: I've forgotten how much is in the pool right now.

Disembodied voice: Ha! You said pool!

Tony: The fuck was that?

Logan pulls a walkie talkie from his pocket. It's in the shape of Deadpool's logo.

Logan: Ever since we moved in together he's been playin' pranks. The other day, we were havin' breakfast a--

Hulk: Play game! No time to hear bush-head talk!

Peter: Well, I call you.

Logan: Pussy.

Peter: You're afraid of dreams, don't call me a pussy.

Logan: Oh, shut it, Parker.

Jessica: Okaaay, moving on. I see your call and raise you 500.

Steve: What does any of this even mean!?

Tony: Hush, you'll know by next Tuesday.

Clint: Actually, where did the poker terminology come from? Alot of it doesn't make much sense. Like a Flush, where'd they pull that from?

Ben: It don't matter. Now c'mon 'n' play the darn game. I'll call you, Jess.

Jessica: I'm flattered.

Ben: Ha freakin' ha. 'Kay, make your desicions. Tony?

Tony: I'm out.

Clint: Out.

Hulk: Go fish!

He lays his hand down. A Royal Flush.

Ben: ... Logan?

Logan: I'm in.

Peter: In.

Jessica: I am most deffinitely out.

Ben: Alright fellas, show your cards.

Logan: Pair o' 2's. With a trio o' Jacks.

Peter: Dammit!

He throws his hand down revealing a useless deck with no matching cards.

Logan: What'cha got, Benny-Boy?

Clint: Hey, hold up, you never said if you were out or not.

Peter: From now on, Clint, assume he's always in.

Ben: Nah, I got nuttin'. I fold

Logan rakes the chips towards him.

Logan: I love the smell of victory.

Jessica: Don't know how you smell anything through your own musk.

Logan: Y'sad I took your chips, Jess? Plant one on me, I'll give 'em back.

Jessica: Pig.

Ben: Right shaddap you two. Gimme your cards we'll play again.
They all hand Ben their decks and he shuffles them.

Peter: I've always wondered how you do that with your hands all the way they are.

Ben: A master never forgets his tricks, webhead.

Clint: Neither do elephants.

Ben: I heard dat, arrow jockey!

There's a knock on the door.

Ben: C'm'in!

Luke Cage and Danny Rand enter from the hall.

Luke: Whassup guys. Sorry we're late. Some punk was tryin' to steal Danny's car.

Danny: The doctors say he'll live.

Ben: Whatever, fellas. Take a seat, we're about ta start a new game.

Luke: Right, cool.

The duo take a seat round the table. Danny sits beside Clint while Luke sits beside Logan.

Ben: A'right peeps, comin' at'cha.

Ben deals the cards.

Tony: You must have some level of skill to deal to nine people.

Ben: 'S in the blood prettyboy.

Peter: So, Danny, how was Paris?

Danny: It was better than I thought it'd be. Funnily enough, Steve, I ran into Batroc.

Steve: How'd that go?

Danny: He's alive, but he won't be kickin' for a while.

Tony: Oh, hey, Logan. I heard your roommate's wanted for the murders of One Direction and Taylor Swift.

Logan: That's nothin'. I saw Silver Surfer flyin' up into space last night carryin' somebody. Next day on the news we hear that Bieber was the one he was carryin'.

Peter: Surfer had good reason! That guy only does stuff to benefit humanity.

Jessica: D'you guys hear about all those AIM bases? What the hell was that about?

Luke: S.H.I.E.L.D. think Ultron had somethin' to do with it. They were trackin' his signature through that game, uh...

Disembodied voice: Call of Duty.

Luke: Yeah, that. Wait who?

Logan: It was Deadpool. He's got me on a wire.

Luke: Dayum, son. I heard you're livin' with 'em now, that true?

Logan: Times are tough, Luke.

Hulk: Hulk is stronger than time!

Ben: A'right you guys ready?

Tony: Always!

Peter: Hey, you guys hear I set a world record!

Jessica: No, what was it?

Peter: The most web swings in five minutes.

They all stare blankly. There is a moment of silence.

Luke: Uh... Haven't you held that for like... Forever?

Peter: Technically, yes. But they only recently recorded it.

Ben: A'right c'mon we need ta hurry dis up.

Steve: I fold.

Tony: I bet a dollar.

Clint: Whoa, you sure, mister "I've played and beaten some of the greats".

Tony: Shut up and play, Barton.

Clint: Well, I'm strugglin' with this one. I'll see your dollar, raise you 50.

Hulk: Hulk sees 50. Raises a million.

Luke: You don't have a million, Hulk. Plus it's Danny's turn.

Hulk: How you know?

Danny: I'll just go. I see your 50 an' raise ya a hundred.

Hulk: I keep my last stuff.

Luke: I'll call you.

Logan: I'll see your call and raise ya a grand.

Peter: I fold.

Jessica: Me too.

Ben: Okay, Anybody out or what.

Clint: I'm out.

Danny: Out

Hulk: In.

Tony: Mmm... I'm in.

Luke: I'm in.

Logan: Screw it, I'm in.

Ben: Gentlemen, show us yer cards.

Luke reveals a Full House of Aces. Logan reveals his pair of Jacks and Tony reveals a Royal Flush.

Tony: Hohooo, hand that shit over cigar-breath.

Disembodied voice: Logan, would'ja mind pickin' up some Coca-Cola on the way home.

Logan: Damned psycho.


There you go folks. If you've read the others, you'll pick up on the reference. As well as that I condensed some of the stories I didn't do into this. Anyways, thanks a bunch for reading this one, so far it's my favourite out of them all. I hope you enjoyed it, I'll see you next time in Nova's Funhouse.
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