EDITORIAL: Uncovering The Truth of ComicBookMovie.Com

For years, the site known as ComicBookMovie.com has flourished. It unites leagues of fans under the banner of the love of comic book movies. But is it all a lie? Have I uncovered something that will rock this site to the core? Hit the jump if you want to know the truth, don’t if you want to live in a lie.

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By BatManHeisenberg - 7/10/2014

NOTE:
 

Nope, I’m not Jacky. Sorry. But I highly respect him. But after realizing the truth, I don’t know what to believe. I will probably get shot down for good for spoiling this. My punishment will be something horrid and unimaginable, but it will be worth it. Like licking the fungus between Gusto’s toes or trying to read a terrible fan script. Anyhow if you enjoy living in a false illusion, DON’T continue reading. You’ve been warned.


We all love CBM.com, right? It gives us all sorts of news, rumors, fan scripts, scoops, funny comments etc. All fun and games, right? I just wish it was that way. Part of why I love this site so much is the multiple personalities and characters there are. But after some very close examination, I uncovered it was a lie. The people.

WHAT?! HOW ARE THE PEOPLE A LIE?!?! NGHAHA!! I hear you asking and screaming. Just let me explain. So let me tell you a story. When good ol’ CBM started out, it was a very small site. Galactus himself needed to expand. So over time, he recruited three users, JoshWilding, RorMachine, and nailbiter111 and DCMarvelFreshman. Now, other users helped to, but these were the MAIN ones. These three users knew they had to do more than post articles. So they created accounts to stir the pot and create controversy and clicks. They had to make a funny guy,  a troll, and a user worth noting. Let’s check them out.
 

Josh Wilding:
 

Josh, the british guy who likes to “flame on!”. Let’s take a look at HIS list:

 

Funny Guy: Gusto, of course. Gusto can get MANY responses and clicks with his comments. He is a likable guy. Other than the fact that he doesn’t exist.
 

Troll: SageMode. He needed to get someone to swear allegiance to a studio and be fiercly honorable. So he created SageMode. A user that would make a 5 page thread a 15+ page thread. A STRONG tool for Josh to get clicks and comments.
 

User Worth Noting: PsychoManiacJacky. He pretends to present shocking revelations, which he does, but really is just a ruse. Created by a British man.
 

RorMachine:

Ah yes, the other British guy. He also made three accounts, if not more.


Funny Guy: McGee. He’s like a turtle, but more scared. But he is very funny, and is of course, fake.
 

Troll: Manitinium. Another fierce crusader, but for DC/WB. He will do anything to defend DC, and is exactly what Ror needed. A lie.
 

User Worth Noting: MrBlackJack. He got a LOT of people talking about his gang, the Dead Rabbits Gang. Admittedly, I was apart if this gang. A lie.
 

nailbiter111:
 

Not enough intel on him personally. I have a STRONG susipion he bites his nails. But I know who he hides behind.

 

Funny Guy: yossarian. He posts either consist of making fun of Gusto, Green Lantern or Cyclops, or gratuitous pictures of beautiful women. A lie, of course.
 

Troll: Intruder, now most likely defunct. For the time he was active, this fake black stain was a virus, and was eventually killed off.
 

User Worth Noting: Pasto. He was so popular that nailbiter had to make a forum just to keep an elaborate ruse up. Just a [frick]ing ruse.
 

DCMarvelFreshman:
 

Again, no intel. I have a strong suspicion that he is a huge fan of Marvel and DC, and is a freshman, but I don’t know for sure...

 

Funny Guy: cipher. We need a drunk british guy who likes to gloat around his advice. A ruse.
 

Troll: Jollem. A passive agressive troll is always needed, and Jollem fits. Like a glove.
 

User Worth Noting: staypuffed. The Power Users felt it was key to give users the idea that an ordianary user like staypuffed can become a rising user. But of course, another lie.
 

Now, with all that out of the way, I haven’t even told you the scariest part. Josh, Ror, nailbiter and Freshman aren’t even real. They’re all created by Galactus himself. Even HE doesn’t know. He subconsciously created all of them, so he wouldn’t feel so lonely.

 

That’s all I was able to uncover. It might be a lie, might not be. I won’t reveal my sources. But don’t sit there BLINDLY accepting everything that appears to be nothing. Question. Hell, you might be one of Galactus’ alter-egos/multiple personalities. I might be. Well, my whole life is a lie, so it’s not worth living!

DISCLAIMER: This article was submitted by a volunteer contributor who has agreed to our code of conduct. ComicBookMovie.com is protected from liability under the Digital Millenium Copyright Act (DMCA) and "safe harbor" provisions. CBM will disable users who knowingly commit plagiarism, piracy, trademark or copyright infringement. Please contact us for expeditious removal of copyrighted/trademarked content. You may also learn more about our copyright and trademark policies HERE.
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182 Comments
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BatManHeisenberg - 7/10/2014, 8:38 PM
Please like, friends. This needs to be known.
MrBlackjack - 7/10/2014, 8:52 PM
BatManHeisenberg - 7/10/2014, 8:54 PM
@MrBlackJack

I know, I know. This isn't easy to accept. Just accept that you're not who you think you are and move on.
AlexanderLykins - 7/10/2014, 8:56 PM
Fine. *Clicks red glove*
BatManHeisenberg - 7/10/2014, 8:58 PM
@AlexanderLykins

You sound reluctant. You doing okay? Did this take you aback?
AlexanderLykins - 7/10/2014, 9:02 PM
@BatManHeisenberg
Are you kidding me? How did you expect I'd take this? My whole reality is being called into question.
BatManHeisenberg - 7/10/2014, 9:05 PM
@AlexanderLykins

WELL SORRY! Sorry I had to stand up and say something instead of taking it like a little bitch! SO SORRY!
MileHighRonin - 7/10/2014, 9:23 PM
I knew it, I freaking knew it. I need help, someone please help. I was told the voices in my head were exactly that, voices in my head. But thanks to this article I now know the truth, those voices were really kicks! So I pulled out my totem, and sure enough I am still trapped in this dream. I'm not even sure if it's my dream. Oh my god, am I really typing this or did someone plant this seed. Oh my god, help! I don't want to be in limbo all alone, or am I alone? I can hear them plotting, they can't have my precious! Damn you all, damn you all to hell!

I AM GROOT!!!
staypuffed - 7/10/2014, 9:24 PM
What an editorial! You got me, Heisenberg! You got me.
staypuffed - 7/10/2014, 9:25 PM
"User Worth Noting: staypuffed. The Power Users felt it was key to give users the idea that an ordianary user like staypuffed can become a rising user. But of course, another lie."

I feel honoured. Just honoured.
staypuffed - 7/10/2014, 9:27 PM
Can I just say that I love the idea of Josh being Sage and Ror being McGee.
nail as Truddy, though? hmmm... I was thought nail was a good guy.
blackandyellow - 7/10/2014, 9:38 PM
Ror is Irish.
JFerguson - 7/10/2014, 9:39 PM
U forgot that each power user/"editor" also have fake "comment reporter" counterparts:

Josh- ProfessorX
Ror- r0njeremy
Nails- pussymonster
DCMF- dannyboy

Oh yea, and....




RebelVulcan - 7/10/2014, 9:56 PM
The fudge did I just read?
RebelVulcan - 7/10/2014, 10:00 PM
Also, you said Galactus created 3 users but listed off JoshWilding, DCMarvelFreshman, Roachine and NailBiter. That comes to a grand total of four- ergo, you can't count.
RebelVulcan - 7/10/2014, 10:00 PM
I Meant RorMachine, not Roachine.
staypuffed - 7/10/2014, 10:07 PM
@RebelVulcan
I think that, like the rest of this article, it was meant as a joke.
ScionStorm - 7/10/2014, 10:10 PM
I don't remember taking the red pill or the blue pill, so how did I get to this point?
BatManHeisenberg - 7/10/2014, 10:10 PM
@MileHighRonin

You're welcome!

@staypuffed

You like the idea? THE [frick]ING IDEA?!?!? IT'S A [frick]ING FACT, NOT A JOKE!

@PsychoManiacJacky

Got you red handed, Galactus.

@blackandyellow

Meant Irish, lol.

@batz11

Wait.... nailbiter111..... batz11.... OMFG, YOU'RE AN IDENTITY CREATED BY NAILBITER, CREATED BY GALACTUS!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!
RebelVulcan - 7/10/2014, 10:11 PM
@staypuffed- No, NO! It can't be true! BatmanHeisenberg would never lie to us! (Mutters to himself) Not like this, Not like this....
Nomis - 7/10/2014, 10:11 PM
BatManHeisenberg - 7/10/2014, 10:11 PM
@ScionStorm

Even I can't answer that.
BatManHeisenberg - 7/10/2014, 10:12 PM
@Nomis

You're welcome for shedding the light.
Indy - 7/10/2014, 10:13 PM