EDITORIAL: Why DC Film Fans Must Hail Hydra

Us DC fans are at a pinnacle time. With Marvel, Sony and Fox are making quality CBM after CBM, and DC doesn’t have a live action film until ‘16. What can we possibly do? We Hail Hydra like a boss! Click the jump to read BatmanHeisenberg’s editorial!

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By BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014

NOTE: I am a practical man. I take great inspiration from heroes like Will Ferrell, Stephen Colbert, Steve Carell and PsychoManiacJacky, and this is just my honest opinion. Don’t like it?



Marvel is winning pretty hard right now, we all know this. DC fans have wanted to edge out Marvel ever since the start of the MCU. Is there a solution, anything that can help us win this war? Why yes there is. A fantastic organization, known as HYDRA, is gracefully willing to help us in this war. But why should we take help from this organization? Here’s some reasons why:

 

They’re Already Winning:



Recently, it was reported that The Other Woman will beat out Captain America this weekend. How’s that you ask? Hydra. They recruited Kate Upton to help further their agenda, and take down Marvel Studios. It will only be a matter of time until films like Smurfs 49 or Scary Movie 22 beat out movies like Marvel’s flagship property: The Avengers. Hydra has a master plan, and they are ruthless and unforgiving.


We Need ANYTHING We Can Get:



We are LOSING this war, and if someone like HYDRA is willing to help us, evil or not, we NEED to take it. They hate The Avengers, and will do ANYTHING to take them down. This helps us, and our agenda. We can fit together like peanut butter and jelly, if we just try.

They Have DC’s Best Interests In Mind:



They love WB/DC, and will do anything we ask to win. The whole Batman vs Superman vs Captain America 3 debacle was no accident. HYDRA has us in mind, and is making sure that Disney bows to us. What else can we ask for?


This war isn’t over, but we have an option to get the edge. Why turn that edge down?

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107 Comments
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BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:20 PM
Please like, and remember:

TheAbaryMan369 - 4/26/2014, 1:21 PM
This is the greatest article in all of history. HAIL HYDRA
AlexanderLykins - 4/26/2014, 1:21 PM
BatManHeisenberg, Pasto would have words with thee.
TheAbaryMan369 - 4/26/2014, 1:22 PM
I'm laughing when you say that Jacky is your hero though.
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:24 PM
If you couldn't tell this was a satricial piece, Alexander, you need some help. And thanks Abary!
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:27 PM
Adult? I don't get it....
Pasto - 4/26/2014, 1:29 PM
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:31 PM
'Bye to you to, Pasto!
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:34 PM
No, but this was made in honor of him. It's the truth, this editorial. Anyone disagree? Guess they'll die.
McNyagano - 4/26/2014, 1:35 PM
If you say so...

BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:36 PM
Obama getting elected, and every bad Marvel movie is HYDRA's doing.
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:36 PM
Glad you can give us some help!
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:40 PM
It's not bad! I joined HYDRA long ago, and she gives *ahem* "special priveleges" to high ranking members.
AlexanderLykins - 4/26/2014, 1:56 PM
@BatManHeisenberg
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 1:59 PM
Glad we can see eye to eye, Alex.
MrBatmor - 4/26/2014, 2:10 PM
BEST ARTICLE EVER!! THE LOGIC IS STRONG HERE!! :P
AlexanderLykins - 4/26/2014, 2:18 PM
@BatManHeisenberg
The feeling's mutual.
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 2:20 PM
Thank you Batmor!
Nomis - 4/26/2014, 2:34 PM
I thought the "HAIL HYDRA" fad had past on?
Desrow - 4/26/2014, 2:52 PM
Batmaniac
Look, screw Hydra and trust Batman! It's all going to be okay... as long as you accept Batman as your lord and saviour.

BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 3:04 PM
No, Nomis. It's stronger then ever!
Nomis - 4/26/2014, 3:11 PM
@ BatManHeisenberg - Well, then by all means...

Odin - 4/26/2014, 3:13 PM
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 3:14 PM
Thanks, Nomis! And Batmaniac,HYDRA is very accepting of Batman. They attend Batman Church every Sunday like any other Batmanian. SO why not accept their gracious efforts?
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 3:14 PM
LOL Odin!
BoomTubeB - 4/26/2014, 3:26 PM
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 3:28 PM
Cool artwork!
BlackestKnight - 4/26/2014, 3:41 PM
damn hydra
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 3:45 PM
THANKS OBAMA!
GliderMan - 4/26/2014, 4:24 PM
I'm just waiting for the Hail Hydra porn parody.
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 4:31 PM
If it has VIper, I'll be cool.
BoomTubeB - 4/26/2014, 4:43 PM
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 4:46 PM
That Ron Jeremy picture is sexy!
DrunkenMadNukem - 4/26/2014, 4:58 PM
lol @BH good article

but no i wont say that neo nazi "Hail Hydra" line...

BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 4:59 PM
Neo-Nazi? I don't get it....
McGee - 4/26/2014, 8:09 PM
Mothchild - 4/26/2014, 8:10 PM
How do I join Hydra?
NeoBaggins - 4/26/2014, 8:13 PM
Yo, Heisenberg; you my Frigga and er'thang but um....


"Marvel, Sony and Fox are making quality CBM after CBM"


ThrotTheUnclean - 4/26/2014, 8:23 PM
I know this is sort of a joke article but lets get real. The statement that "Sony and Fox are making quality CBM after CBM" is absurd. Every X-Men film except the first one has been shit. Wolverine was shit and you people just decided to say it was decent (which it wasn't) because you felt bad for Hugh Jackman. Fox has never made anything except terrible [frick]ing films. Sony only got 1.5 Spiderman films out of five. Which I would categorize as more a fluke than anything else.

I am no DC fanboy but DC/WB has had a better track record compared than Fox and Sony. Starting from 1989 through today DC has released has made 15 films; from the Batman (1989) to Man of Steel (2013). Out of those 15 I count 6 which could be argued to be below average. But those six are not any worse than some of these Marvel films we have gotten since 1989.

I will agree MCU is kicking ass, but with the whole Mandarin debacle and the recent Ant-Man and Ultron decisions I see their stock slipping in the near future. If any film studio could take advantage of this it would be DC/WB. I am not suggesting that MCU will not remain top in box office. Even with the less than thrilling casting rumors for the upcoming BvS movie, I don't believe it will be a blow out.
BatmanHeisenberg - 4/26/2014, 8:26 PM
Lol.
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