Josh Wilding Reviews: BATTLESHIP

Battleship is released in the US on May 18th and out now in the majority of international territories. So, is it worth checking out? To find out, hit the jump for my thoughts on Peter Berg's sci-fi action flick. [Minor Spoilers Ahead]

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By Josh Wilding - 4/14/2012
Very much like Michael Bay's Transformers trilogy, you will either love or hate Battleship. However, an appalling script makes it far more likely that you'll end up falling into the second category as not even the special effects are enough to save this disaster. The story is your standard alien invasion fare and it's not spoiling much to say that it ends exactly like every other mediocre film of this type inevitably does. From a logical point of view, neither the actions of the characters or several other aspects of the film make a lick of sense (regardless of how hard you try to switch off your brain). The "Hoo-rah" patriotic message also becomes old fast and several scenes leave you feeling as if you're watching an enrolment video from the US Navy. The dialogue is clunky and downright dreadful for the most part. You certainly won't be able to take Battleship seriously and the majority of laughs fall flat. Why? Because you'll be far too preoccupied laughing AT them and the movie as a whole.

The cast do little to save the film, with Taylor Kitsch's second role in a blockbuster this year (the other being John Carter) proving that he simply isn't leading man material. While likeable and charismatic, that's not enough to have an entire film centred around his performance. Rihanna makes her acting debut as Raikes, and although she does a decent enough job, it's hard to remember seeing anyone so thoroughly unconvincing in a role of this type. However, she is "lucky" enough to be given some of the worst dialogue in the entire film. One can only hope that she decides not to give up her day job, because a future in this type of role most certainly doesn't beckon for the singer. Equally as unconvincing is Brooklyn Decker's physical therapist. The model turned actress doesn't do a bad job as such, she's just another member of the cast who feels entirely out of place. Liam Neeson is also wasted and it's hard to imagine why he decided to sign up for such a one dimensional and uninteresting role. The cast is rounded out with unconvincing and generally poor performances from the likes of Jesse Plemons and Hamish Linklater. Alexander Skarsgård and Thor's Tadanobu Asano do a better job than just about everyone else, and while the acting debut of Col. Gregory D. Gadson may be not particularly impressive, the real life trials of the decorated war veteran (who lost both his legs in combat) make it easy to forgive this.

If there's one area in which Battleship does succeed, it's in terms of special effects. The impressive visuals remain strong throughout, although the aliens do have that distinct rubbery look which comes from less than stellar CGI. The ships (both Navy and extra-terrestrial) convince and it can't be denied that the majority of battles are exciting, but far from ground breaking. They do manage to find a clever way of incorporating the board game into the movie and it's a nice touch; just don't expect anyone to utter the "You sunk my battleship" line. Peter Berg does an admirable job of injecting the movie with at least life and visual gags, with at least a handful of memorable moments if nothing else. However, a film such as Battleship should leave you in awe, but it never manages to be anything other than average. There is a real lack of wow factor, and although it would be easy to write it off as being just another popcorn flick, there's no getting around the fact that it is just a bad film and instantly forgettable.

Depending on what you want from a film, there's a good chance you'll have a lot of fun with Battleship. However, it's far more likely that the only way you'll like it is if you also happen to be a fan of bad movies.



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39 Comments
shadow314 - 4/14/2012, 9:59 AM
I thought about going to this just out of mid May boredom.

Thanks for snapping me out of that thought. I'll just see Avengers for the third time instead
Tainted87 - 4/14/2012, 10:03 AM
I'm among the crowd who laughs in the theater when they see this trailer before the movie, simply because of how [frick]ing retarded it looks, and that laughter is the best medicine to cope with looking helplessly at all those millions of dollars wasted.
Fogs - 4/14/2012, 10:04 AM
Lmfao, tea!!!

Btw: I called it, shit movie.
CaptainObvious - 4/14/2012, 10:06 AM
I knew this movie was going to be terrible since the moment it was announced. Board games just don't make good movies and it's as simple as that.

Why Liam Neeson signed up for this movie will always remain a mystery to me.
SageMode - 4/14/2012, 10:07 AM
As expected, not surprised at all.
StrangerX - 4/14/2012, 10:09 AM
The real question Josh How hot is Rhianna?
deadman222 - 4/14/2012, 10:09 AM
I saw the film it was a waste of money lol :P

After Avengers this one felt like I am having some shitty food after coming back from a high class buffet
CaptainObvious - 4/14/2012, 10:11 AM
When I went to the movies back in January, this trailer came one and everybody in the theater burst into laughter.
headlopper - 4/14/2012, 10:12 AM
Thought so...
GiantNerd0720 - 4/14/2012, 10:24 AM
Lol. ^
TheLight - 4/14/2012, 10:27 AM
Well, it looks like I'll be saving my cash for "The Avengers".
StrangerX - 4/14/2012, 10:28 AM
Every time I play Risk I lose.
ralfinader - 4/14/2012, 10:31 AM
@Tea - your review was damn funny, and what I was expecting.

@Josh - Thanks for that review, Probably made enough outside the US to already warrant a sequel unfortunately. One question, was there a cameo of Hungry Hungry Hippo or Rock'em Sock'em Robot? Any hints at the end of the credits if there was a Connect Four or Chutes-n-Ladders in the sequel?
GiantNerd0720 - 4/14/2012, 10:32 AM
Battleship 2 : Rihanna's Revenge

150 Million opening weekend.
StrangerX - 4/14/2012, 10:33 AM
@ralfinader-Rockem Sockem is Real Steel
StrangerX - 4/14/2012, 10:35 AM
Next is CandyLand Tim Burton Style
GiantNerd0720 - 4/14/2012, 10:37 AM
@IM53 I want to be those sun glasses.
LAXtremest - 4/14/2012, 10:39 AM
@ JoshWilding- I just got know one thing: did they utter the immortal phrase "You sunk my battleship!"
Rodimus9 - 4/14/2012, 10:40 AM
Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos
headlopper - 4/14/2012, 10:48 AM
@Rodimus9 _ I watch this guy sometimes LOL! So true!

Awww, that's funny!


...and yeah guy's that , that Jessica Jane Clement is super-hot. Never seen her til now.

Good job both!
OnLeatherWings - 4/14/2012, 11:15 AM
did any of us really expect anything kind of quality to come with this film??? my anger for a film like this getting made was quickly forgotten by the overload of T&A that bombarded this thread putting a smile to my face and making my day that much better :)
jazzman - 4/14/2012, 11:17 AM
the only thing im intrested in is BATTLESHIP film score thats all.
headlopper - 4/14/2012, 11:17 AM
@supersaiyanfan1 - Like I've been sayin'.
Read my editorial. You'll see it there!
You're so right...

http://www.comicbookmovie.com/other_news/news/?a=57597
Equivocal - 4/14/2012, 11:23 AM
rianna a movie star...?

first she needs a shower !!!!


headlopper - 4/14/2012, 11:26 AM
Toys and games made into movies that I know of(not including video games):
G.I. Joe
Transformers
Barbie
Battleship

Is this becoming a trend with Movie studios?

If so, it does not bode well...with one exception...


headlopper - 4/14/2012, 11:31 AM
@supersaiyanfan1- Well I got sumthin' fer dem'!

They don't call me 'Headlopper' fer nuthin'! HA!

ralfinader - 4/14/2012, 11:31 AM
Which came first He-Man the cartoon or toy line? But let me add one he missed that I can think of to that list of headlopper's:

Clue
headlopper - 4/14/2012, 11:59 AM
I'm in...

Welsh perfection

Photobucket

headlopper - 4/14/2012, 12:01 PM
@supersaiyanfan1- Well said sonnnn! I call 'um pathetic.
GreyChaos13Zero - 4/14/2012, 1:02 PM
I hope they clean out the CGI for Blu-Ray, if somethings to fake looking it turns me off. poor Kitsch, guy can't catch a break. I'll support the Blu-Rays tho?)
jazzman - 4/14/2012, 1:14 PM
@headlopper

oh snap shes fricking hot
6of13 - 4/14/2012, 1:28 PM
The fact that Rihanna is in this movie is enough that I don't want to see it.
rage - 4/14/2012, 1:42 PM
I'm sorry but saying your not gonna see this film on ones persons opinion is kinda stupid. I hated the Transformers films and found they had no imagination and little thought went into the characters. As for this movie, it wasn't as bad as josh is making it out to be. I found that if u get past the cheesey dialogue it is really enjoyable. The look of the aliens was quite clever. The action sequences were well done and I agree the special effects were amazing. The lack of credible actors (besides neesom.) Didn't affect the film at all and the fact that the director didn't use rhianna as some sexual eye candy to boost the viewing numbers was a plus. All in all a enjoyable film if you leave your brain at the door when u watch it.
THAN0S - 4/14/2012, 2:53 PM
WHo wanted to see this movie anyway ? it is called BattleShip same with CandyLand Movie coming out soon REally People
soaponapope - 4/14/2012, 3:09 PM
somehow i dont think real sailors would want you to judge what they do based on this crap.
pro346 - 4/14/2012, 4:19 PM
Wilding has bad taste In movies....he used the word flawless to describe the CGI in the hunger games.
peppy - 4/14/2012, 5:17 PM
Always knew this was going to be a piece of shit
GrayMatter - 4/14/2012, 9:21 PM
I laughed out loud too when I first saw the trailer for Battleship. So did most of the other people in the theatre.

While I'm not surprised at all to hear this movie sucks, I'm more curious if it has that sort of tongue-in-cheek goofiness to it that a lot of sweet "bad" movies have.

Like G.I. Joe for example (the first one). By any normal objective standards, that movie sucks the big one. But I can't help but enjoy the crap out of it. I guess I'm wondering if this is so-bad-it's-good, or if it's just so bad that it's bad.
Starjammer - 4/15/2012, 1:26 AM
I was unlucky enough to see a prescreening of the first 5 minutes the new GI Joe. I say 5 minutes because I walked out after that. Good stuff.

But seriously, how good is Cabin in the Woods? If you haven't seen it...uh, see it.

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