GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY Was Not An Amazing Film, Was Disappointed in Michael Bay Styled Quality & Humor

This is not pointless nitpicking, a review, or a rant. I recently wasted money saw the film Guardians of The Galaxy and to my surprise it is not the amazing movie people were talking about. Please do click for more on my editorial opinions.

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By LinkinParkFan - 8/7/2014

This is not pointless nitpicking, a review, or a rant. I recently wasted money saw the film Guardians of The Galaxy and to my surprise it not the amazing movie people were talking about. It was to start off with very confusing, it was meant for people who have read the comics. There was no intro it just went straight into the characters assuming the audience knows everything about them and forcing in characters with no real purpose. The dialogue was very clunky and felt incoherent, there was too much humor forced in the plot. They tried serious moments but the humor drove it under. The characters were all misplaced and everything went nowhere. 
 
The film was too short and felt like a 30 minute Saturday morning cartoon in terms of structure and length. The villains were absolutely pointless and barely did anything. I did not like Chris Pratt his character is not likeable as most people have claimed. Thanos was entirely a joke and looked funny, Brolin's voice sounded so altered. It could be Josh Brolin's next Jonah Hex character type failure to the audience. This movie was an entire mess hidden under inappropriate Michael Bay humor and as many sexual innuendos you would find in a typical Michael Bay Transformers film along with explosions. This was just Michael Bay Transformers but with slightly better humor but that isn't saying much. 
 
People only like this because it's Marvel and they are willing to overlook Marvel's flaws. Man of Steel as perfect as it was had  minor flaws but DC fans never overlooked them, it seems Marvel fans think everything there master makes is gold. I also find Marvel fans to be more controlled and generic compared to DC fans who have more variety. I am not Marvel or DC fan I love both but hardcore Marvel fans can be stupid and this is an example which is the success of this film.
 
Gamora wasn't a deadly assassin she was used as a total sex object like what Michael Bay would do to his women in films. There was nothing threatening about Gamora, Zoe Saldana should stick to James Cameron mediocre Avatar flicks. Megan Fox could have played Gamora and it would still have been the same character. Rocket was too cartoony and for people saying you can't make talking animals serious go watch Dawn of The Planet of The Apes and feel stupid for saying that. Rocket just didn't have enough bite.
 
Worst of all was Drax who made Tommy Wiseau look like an A list Hollywood actor. His character was like watching paint dry and it didn't help having an actor that can't act. I want to get to the action and where the heck was the action!? Again with another Michael Bay comparison, barely any action or hardcore fights it was all just explosions. Gamora vs Nebula was a pure chick fight with screaming and them just flipping each other over like pancakes. Ronan didn't fight at all, he just had a stupid hammer. Ronan was made to look retarded especially that final scene with Star-Lord dancing in front of him are you serious why didn't you just kill him already!? Good god they made Ronan a joke. Ronan is officially the worst Marvel villain ever, game over Trevor. The aliens in Guardians of The Galaxy looked too human it was ridiculous I didn't buy into their looks it's terrible when aliens from a film like that Ryan Reynolds movie R.I.P.D look more realistic. Overall I rate this movie a 1 and a half out of 5 for effort. Wait for DVD if not seen it yet and don't waste money like I did to see it in theaters or you'll regret it. 
 
I also did not enjoy the music in the film, it should have had less silly 80s stuff that would not relate to most of the audience like myself watching it and more modern music like this for example, 

 
It's that simple, good try Marvel anyways. 
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Dandy - 8/7/2014, 12:31 PM
AHAHAHAHA! I almost took you seriously until you insulted the score and praised Linkin Park in the same sentence.


........And this belongs in review, even if this does work better as a satire.
DylansMyDog - 8/7/2014, 12:31 PM
Good to know... I loved GotG personally. To each their own!

Oh and saying "this isn't a rant" at the beginning doesn't make it any less of a rant :)
Omarvls - 8/7/2014, 12:34 PM
Glad you are a minority of a minority who did not like this film

On to GotG 2
Greeno27 - 8/7/2014, 12:36 PM
lol, funny. So a character who was a child of the 80's, with a mixtape of earlier songs, who was taken off planet and hasn't been back to earth since would have a modern soundtrack. Of course totally plausible.
kinghulk - 8/7/2014, 12:42 PM
"People only like this because it's Marvel and they are willing to overlook Marvel's flaws."
or they could simply have different tastes to you, i agree with some of your points but i still enjoyed the film. people just have different opinions.
tvor03 - 8/7/2014, 12:42 PM
I'm guessing this is another person on this site that thinks he's George Carlin.
shadyginzo - 8/7/2014, 12:46 PM
oh god dude, we obviously weren't watching the same film!!! :D

I'm pretty sure you're trolling anyway.
GiantNerd - 8/7/2014, 12:53 PM
I hate you.

Love,
GiantNerd0720
Dandy - 8/7/2014, 12:54 PM
With a quote like this,

"I also find Marvel fans to be more controlled and generic compared to DC fans who have more variety."

You really are not convincing anyone that you are unbiased.
Dandy - 8/7/2014, 12:54 PM
Then again....I honestly can't tell if you are being serious or satirical with this.....
yossarian - 8/7/2014, 12:58 PM
Sorry you didn't like it.
yossarian - 8/7/2014, 12:59 PM
But Linkin Park is terrible also.
MercwithMouth - 8/7/2014, 1:04 PM
"Man of Steel as perfect as it was had minor flaws but DC fans never overlooked them"

That statement alone invalidates your entire whiny rant...
LinkinParkFan - 8/7/2014, 1:04 PM
I personally loved Thor 2 and Iron Man 3, Cap 2 was okay I best. But very disappointed in GOTG. Did not live to hype to me, oh well I guess people that read the comics think it very cool but not me. Please do not be too harsh on my opinions as they are not biased towards one side.
supes123 - 8/7/2014, 1:07 PM
Movue was awesome, soundtrackwas great it did lack action unlike the rest of the marvel movies but was awesome, it made 8,808,382 mill at the box office yesterday
LinkinParkFan - 8/7/2014, 1:09 PM
GOTG to me was just a Marvel failure and it did not help having a director who can't direct a Space film they should had more experienced director as I felt I was not immersed in Space within the film, it all felt fake like it was shot in a studio not real at all. Even a film as old as Star Wars made me feels as I am in Space more. They did not capture it well. Reminds me of Green Lantern with DC but not as terrible.
TheDudeRusty - 8/7/2014, 1:10 PM
I didn't really enjoy GOTG but this is one shit review.
MercwithMouth - 8/7/2014, 1:12 PM
PsychoManiacJacky - 8/7/2014, 1:15 PM
This article, is bullocks. GOTG was amazing and I think it was amazing then it's good. So this article has officially been disaprooved by me. Move along folks. And LinkinParkFan....