Why the risk of holding out hope is too much to ask of me.
Unlike most opinions I’ve read on this site, I don’t hold any of the Spider-Man movies in high regard. I’ve felt this way even before the abomination known as Spider-Man 3 plagued the silver screen. I can honestly say I’ve completely lost interest in the franchise. Though all three of the Spider-Man movies have had high points, the low points vastly overpower them. I haven’t had to think about how disappointing these movies were to me for the past few years; but with Spider-Man 4 in its developmental stages, these thoughts have come to light anew. I don’t want to go into a long winded rant, so I will try my best to break my opinions down to cover each movie separately.
Spider-Man: First and foremost, Tobey Maguire does not know how to portray Peter Parker. Even his rendition of Peter in high school missed the mark. Tobey tried so hard to come across as meek and nerdy it was awkward to watch. It was a classic case of overacting. For some reason he decided to keep this shtick up even after Parker’s transformation into Spider-Man. Not once did I get the feeling he was a boy genius, just a nerdy kid with superpowers. Gone was Spider-Man’s witty repertoire. It was replaced with shaky one- liners in a tone lacking any confidence. Once I saw Kristen Dunst as Mary Jane Watson, I started to lose all my expectations for the movie as a whole. Was this really the best person they could find to fit the part? It’s not like she’s a phenomenal actress to begin with, but her looks are nothing to write home about. MJ’s boisterous, vivacious persona was substituted for a lonely, downtrodden one.
Enter William Dafoe as Normal Osborn; perfect casting in my opinion. After watching him grimace while perched on a piece of lab equipment, I knew this would be the redeeming quality of the movie. They found an actor with the right poise, swagger and personality. Even his twisted facial expressions were picture perfect for a live action Green Goblin. And then they cover him up with a metal suit. The split-personality library scene showed a scarier Green Goblin than all the Power Ranger suit scenes combined.
Spider-Man 2:Few sequels are better than the first movie they’re based off of, and this isn’t one of them. Alfred Molina, one of the best actors of our generation, portrayed a Doctor Octavius that I’ve never seen before in the comics. Cool, confident and not in control of his actions; that doesn’t sound like Doc Ock to me. Raimi had us believe that Doc Ock isn’t a bad guy; his evil arms made him do bad things. What was the point? We have scenes that show him looting, fighting; kidnapping Aunt May and MJ, only to have him realize he’s ‘not a monster’ after a one minute speech from Spidey? What a cop out. What happened to the evil mastermind Doc Ock that eventually forms the Sinister Six? And if he’s not really dead at the end, is he going to come back as a good guy? To top it off, it seems that having metal smart-arms fused to your body causes you to develop superhuman strength. Not even a solid haymaker from Spidey can knock this guy out. We all know Spidey pulls his punches against street thugs, but that's not the case here.
Besides the horrible dynamic between our hero and villain, we were graced with another sad rendition of MJ that couldn’t stop whining about Peter even though she’d ‘moved on’. Harry Osborn forgets how distraught he is over his father’s death one minute, and turns into an alcoholic over it the next. And the worst part, to me, we see Peter Parker that’s failing in school? Really? Super genius Parker can’t keep up with regular college students. Get the f*ck out of here, Raimi. Then, only two years after the last movie ended he’s overwhelmed by being Spider-Man and. . . quits. Even to go as far as munching on a hot dog while some bad guys run past him. If the last movie made me think Peter Parker was a whiner, this one makes me feel he’s a wuss.
Spider-Man 3:I really don’t even know where to start. I guess the worst part for me would be that Gwen Stacey has now been reverted to a cameo. Yep, that’s right; the same Gwen Stacey that showed Peter Parker the limitations and consequences of his powers in the comics has been turned into a one dimensional ‘hot girl’ with the sole purpose making MJ jealous. If that wasn’t hard enough to stomach, now we find out Uncle Ben’s real killer wasn’t they guy we’ve thought it was for 40 years.
The rest of my gripes are probably the same as the rest of yours. Since they don’t need explanations, I’ll just list them:
- A Peter Parker that’s full of himself
- A crybaby MJ, yet again
- ‘New’ Goblin Harry Osborn that is plagued with selective amnesia
- Emo Sandman that doesn’t want to hurt anybody . . . except that he constantly does
- Eddie Brock, the Peter Parker wannabe
- Venom, the Spider-Man wannabe
- A convoluted plot
- A song and dance routine
- A ‘cool’ Peter Parker with mascara and greasy hair
If that wasn’t enough, I had to hear Raimi pass the buck to the studio once he realized that fans were disappointed. Is the studio at fault? Of course, but that doesn’t give Raimi a free pass because he’s the one that put it all together.
So far, Raimi has given us the Green Goblin, Doc Ock, Sandman, Venom and the 'New' Goblin as Spidey's villains. Out of those 5, he's wanted us to sympathize with four of them and has portrayed them to be good guys that just do bad things. Whatever happened to villains being inherently evil? Why do they need to be pure of heart for the audience to relate to them? And why does he feel the need to unnecessarily tie them all into Peter's life? They don't on both accounts.
After three disappointing movies, I still felt that there was hope for Spider-Man 4. We all know how to learn from our mistakes. It wouldn’t be too hard to brush past the last three attempts and start making quality Spidey flicks. And contrary to the popular vote, I don't want to see the Lizard OR Kraven in the next movie. That's not what this franchise needs right now, they need to tie up the loose ends that they've already put on film. How hard would it be, really? Leave MJ out of Peter's life except as a sideline friend. Have Gwen as the main love interest. Bring Norman back as the the Green Goblin (sans metal suit); have him KILL Gwen and get away at the end. End the movie with Connors becoming Lizard. With a plot outline like that, I would give Raimi the benefit of the doubt one more time.
That’s what I thought until I heard the latest rumor: Black Cat to be in Spider-Man 4. All of Raimi’s ‘back to basics’ speeches have now gone out the window. It’s obvious to me that Raimi has no idea why Spider-Man has appealed to so many people throughout the years. I’ve tried three times to like these movies, and three times I’ve been let down. Like Raimi’s Spidey, I quit.
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MultiPurposePoni
11/10/2009
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