Krang 2012

Look out Obama. Step aside Romney. Krang has declared his candidacy for the President of the United States! The Dimension X Party's candidate has a bold plan to bring America to a new age of prosperity. Of course, by prosperity he means horrible enslavement.

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By Brian VanHooker - 9/12/2012
Krang 2012
by
Brian VanHooker
Turtle with Lemonade Productions
www.turtlewithlemonade.com



Hello Loyal Krang Supporters!

Well, it’s official, Krang has announced his candidacy for the President of the United States of America. After decades of trying to enslave the human race by force, he will now try diplomacy. Krang is entering the race a bit later than his opponents, so we’re going to need the help of all the volunteers we can get to raise awareness and support for the only candidate running who can both defeat Obama and grow into a giant monster and terrorize New York!

For those of you looking to help Krang get elected, we here at campaign headquarters in Dimension X have narrowed down his message into ten simple points so that you can easily inform your friends, family and neighbors about where Krang stands on the most pressing issues of our time.

1. Taxes: Krang supports lowering taxes to zero! Once the human race is enslaved, they will have no income, thus, no taxes.
2. Immigration: Krang will solve the illegal immigration problem by requiring all human beings to be chained down to their work stations. No one will go anywhere illegally if they have a three-foot-chain permanently attached to their ankle.
3. The Federal Reserve: Krang isn’t sure what this is, but he has vowed to destroy it.
4. War: Krang opposes war, and has promised to end the wars in the Middle-East by vaporizing the Eastern Hemisphere. This will make Krang’s world takeover much easier.
5. Contraceptives: Krang does not believe in contraceptives. More humans equals more slaves and we will need people to repopulate the Eastern Hemisphere.
6. The Deficit: Krang will eliminate the deficit! Going back to point #4, we will owe no money to the Chinese when there is no China.
7. Gas Prices: Krang will solve the problem of high gas prices by making the sale, use or ownership of an automobile illegal, causing gas prices to plummet. Remember, once we serve Krang, there will be no need to go anywhere.
8. Alternative Energy: Krang has promised to explore new energy sources, namely, grinding up humans into an algae-like paste and using that to power the Technodrome.
9. ObamaCare: Krang will repeal it on day one and replace it with Krang-O-Care, a system where all sick humans are ground up into Algae Paste (refer to point 8).
10. Restoring the American Dream: Finally, Krang will restore the people's faith in the American Dream by submitting an executive order declaring the new American dream: To be a slave to Krang.

There you have it, ten easy points! We'll be sending you weekly updates about Krang's progress in the race, but remember, it's all up to you! So get out there and spread the word about Krang for president!

From the desk of:
Scumbug
Krang 2012 Campaign Manager

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22 Comments
GLprime2814 - 9/12/2012, 12:16 AM
Lol.
GLprime2814 - 9/12/2012, 12:17 AM
I feel ya man.
3. The Federal Reserve: Krang isn’t sure what this is, but he has vowed to destroy it.
Jollem - 9/12/2012, 12:21 AM
ya know what? fudge it. i'm voting for the pink party
SunSp0t - 9/12/2012, 12:27 AM
ummm what the hell is this?
Newbus - 9/12/2012, 12:37 AM
"8. Alternative Energy: Krang has promised to explore new energy sources, namely, grinding up humans into an algae-like paste and using that to power the Technodrome.
9. ObamaCare: Krang will repeal it on day one and replace it with Krang-O-Care, a system where all sick humans are ground up into Algae Paste (refer to point 8)."

Sounds like Zachary Tyler's solution for the problem of world hunger.
AstroZombie - 9/12/2012, 12:49 AM
Not until Krang releases his birth certificate and tax records to the public!
DEATHbyEXILE - 9/12/2012, 12:52 AM
Image Hosted by PicturePush - Photo Sharing
Jer3miah - 9/12/2012, 2:58 AM
Horrible enslavement? And he's different from the others how, exactly? Lol.
bls91183 - 9/12/2012, 5:55 AM
prosperity by means of horrible enslavement?...

sounds like the subtext of the democratic party platform for the 2012 election.
RamonSuarez - 9/12/2012, 7:08 AM
@Newbus

Zachary Tyler's wasn't a president of the United States of America. Zachary Taylor was.

Knightstalker - 9/12/2012, 7:43 AM
@bls91183......You noticed that too? I guess we will all build roads and bridges for Krang.
Greengo - 9/12/2012, 8:03 AM
lmfao.

Obama shares Krang's view on #4 but instead of the Eastern hemisphere he wants to destroy America.
KingLing - 9/12/2012, 9:15 AM
This was great. Especially the stint on the Federal Reserve.

I hope we can all just laugh about this and not include personal political preferences. Let's not turn a fun article into a big long argument between people.
FightAs0ne - 9/12/2012, 9:39 AM
Still better than Romney's policies..
SFCamerica - 9/12/2012, 9:59 AM
Romney is the dishonest one, yet he is not the president that DIDN'T keep a single campaign promise. The guy isn't even in office and you call him a liar.

You jackasses that talk about enslavement are F-ing retarded, do you know how stupid you sound by making those comments?

That's all.
Metalogan - 9/12/2012, 10:15 AM
So I see we got a couple of poli-sci experts here!
Optimus83 - 9/12/2012, 10:15 AM
Shredder for Vice-President jajajajjajaj
Zarog - 9/12/2012, 10:16 AM
Political Science major here! Everyone stfu and enjoy the article. That's all.
DioFoRio - 9/12/2012, 11:11 AM
Smartest shit a candidate on either side has spouted yet......Is he against turtles being alien though? that's the question
LP4 - 9/12/2012, 4:18 PM
If Lex Luthor can become president, I don't see why Krang can't! lol

Krang's [frick]ing awesome. I hope he defeats the competition, I hear he'll be going up against Mumm-Ra ;P
ThePowerCosmic - 9/12/2012, 7:26 PM
Why the picture of Scumbug at the Bottom? Don't get me wrong I love it...but why?
sevenyearslumber - 9/12/2012, 11:08 PM
this is why i barely get on this site anymore... this? this is news? this is main? [frick]ing hell

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