Look out Obama. Step aside Romney. Krang has declared his candidacy for the President of the United States! The Dimension X Party's candidate has a bold plan to bring America to a new age of prosperity. Of course, by prosperity he means horrible enslavement.
Turtle with Lemonade Productions
Hello Loyal Krang Supporters!
Well, it’s official, Krang has announced his candidacy for the President of the United States of America. After decades of trying to enslave the human race by force, he will now try diplomacy. Krang is entering the race a bit later than his opponents, so we’re going to need the help of all the volunteers we can get to raise awareness and support for the only candidate running who can both defeat Obama and grow into a giant monster and terrorize New York!
For those of you looking to help Krang get elected, we here at campaign headquarters in Dimension X have narrowed down his message into ten simple points so that you can easily inform your friends, family and neighbors about where Krang stands on the most pressing issues of our time.
1. Taxes: Krang supports lowering taxes to zero! Once the human race is enslaved, they will have no income, thus, no taxes.
2. Immigration: Krang will solve the illegal immigration problem by requiring all human beings to be chained down to their work stations. No one will go anywhere illegally if they have a three-foot-chain permanently attached to their ankle.
3. The Federal Reserve: Krang isn’t sure what this is, but he has vowed to destroy it.
4. War: Krang opposes war, and has promised to end the wars in the Middle-East by vaporizing the Eastern Hemisphere. This will make Krang’s world takeover much easier.
5. Contraceptives: Krang does not believe in contraceptives. More humans equals more slaves and we will need people to repopulate the Eastern Hemisphere.
6. The Deficit: Krang will eliminate the deficit! Going back to point #4, we will owe no money to the Chinese when there is no China.
7. Gas Prices: Krang will solve the problem of high gas prices by making the sale, use or ownership of an automobile illegal, causing gas prices to plummet. Remember, once we serve Krang, there will be no need to go anywhere.
8. Alternative Energy: Krang has promised to explore new energy sources, namely, grinding up humans into an algae-like paste and using that to power the Technodrome.
9. ObamaCare: Krang will repeal it on day one and replace it with Krang-O-Care, a system where all sick humans are ground up into Algae Paste (refer to point 8).
10. Restoring the American Dream: Finally, Krang will restore the people's faith in the American Dream by submitting an executive order declaring the new American dream: To be a slave to Krang.
There you have it, ten easy points! We'll be sending you weekly updates about Krang's progress in the race, but remember, it's all up to you! So get out there and spread the word about Krang for president!
From the desk of:
Krang 2012 Campaign Manager
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