Krang 2012 Update #2
It's been ten days since Krang declared his candidacy for President. Though he doesn't have the resources of Obama or Romney, Krang has one thing those other candidates don't have: An inter-dimensional portal that he can use to banish politicians to Dimension X with!
Kramg 2012 Update 2
Turtle with Lemonade Productions
Hello loyal Krang supporters!
Well, it's been a little over a week since Krang declared his candidacy for president and things have gotten off to a difficult start. As you likely already know, Krang spent the entire week in the state of Florida. Though Florida is a crucial swing state, Krang had only planned to be there for one day, but the Technodrome broke down in Orlando on Tuesday. Krang has been doing his best to make the most of it. He has made dozens of appearances at local retirement homes to reach out to American seniors. Being over 300 years old, Krang understands the needs of seniors, such as Medicare solvency and free plasma blasters to ward off pesky children. Also, having been without a body for centuries, Krang understands the need for handicapped-accessible entries for buildings. Though seniors have been responding well to Krang's message(in part due to Krang's hypno-ray), there have been some challenging moments this week, like when Krang's rock soldiers trampled that small boy during a marching excercize and Krang biting that baby (let's not forget Krang is from Dimension X, and customs are different there). Most of all, Krang would like to apologize for decapitating Mickey Mouse during his trip to DisneyWorld. In Krang's defense, he mistook Mickey for another large, talking rodent, and is sorry for those he offended.
The next piece of business is Krang’s ongoing Vice-Presidential vetting process. Krang wanted to let his supporters know that he has narrowed down his shortlist to four names: Shredder, Bebop, General Traag and Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, who Krang has always been an admirer of. For those of you wondering why Rocksteady’s name isn’t on this list, he was taken out of the running following his comment about legitimate Genocide vs. illegitimate genocide. Krang does not wish to associate himself with such gray, nuanced positions. It has been, and continues to be Krang’s position that all genocide is legitimate.
Another piece of business Krang would like to address is the ongoing controversy created by tea-party activists that claim Krang isn’t eligible to be president because he wasn’t born in the U.S. Other politicians, who will remain nameless, have dodged similar questions in the past, but Krang would like to address this issue head-on. Krang is, in fact eligible to be president, as he was born centuries ago on a farm in Kentucky. Krang attended Frankfort elementary school until age 8, when he moved to Dimension X to pursue his dream of becoming a warlord. He returned to the U.S. in 1987 and has had dual citizenship since. See? Krang is as American as Apple Pie! (Of course, Apple Pie will be outlawed when Krang becomes president).
Lastly, Krang would like to apologize for saying that “97% of Americans are stupid, mind-numbed robots, eager to be led like sheep to the slaughter.” He was talking off-the-cuff to a group of donors in Dimension X and admits his remarks statements weren't artfully stated.
Keep sending in those donations! Krang needs all the help he can get!
From the desk of
Krang 2012 Campaign Manager
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