This review will save you 2 hours of your life if you haven't seen the movie yet.
Ok, there is so much wrong with this movie its not funny. The one good thing was Ray Stevenson, who starred in Rome and King Arthur. Besides him, this movie has nothing. Wayne Knight, who was not only Newman on Seinfeld but Dennis Nedry in Jurassic Park, was totally pointless. Anyone could have played the part of Chip. Dominic West, who hit his peak as the lead guitar player for the Steel Dragons in Rock Star, was a pure moron. Before his character got all messed up he talked with a thick New York accent. And when I say thick, I mean over done to the point that makes you sick. Then after he becomes Jigsaw, well lets make it sound even dumber. The makeup should have been better but he just looked like Gary Oldman in Hannibal. There were no other actors anyone in the world would care about. There is a cop played by Dash Mihok that was one of the most useless characters in history. Who the F*@k is Dash Mihok? He was in his prime back in 1996 when he played Benvolio in the Leonardo Dicaprio Romeo and Juliet. Yeah that guy.
Lets go to actual stuff about the film now. The Dolph Lundgren Punisher movie was on the same level as this. Yeah if you don't know of that skid mark of comic movie history, look it up. There was so much overuse of neon lights in this film you would have thought Joel Schumacher was making another Batman movie. There was about as much unnecessary gore to make Planet Terror look clean. The violence was so over the top and stupid it was like watching somebody play Grand Theft Auto 4. Well, not really because in GTA4 its pretty damn tough to shoot a guy who is jumping through the air with an RPG. But they did it in this "movie". I know a manager at the theater I saw this at so I got in for free, and I still feel cheated. Don't get me wrong, I'm lazy and have done almost nothing with my life, but I felt cheated out of time I will never get back. I saw some buttholes saying that this was better than the Thomas Jane/ John Travolta Punisher movie..... it wasn't. The 2004 film had its flaws, but if you watch Punisher: War Zone and think its better than that, than may God have mercy on your soul. The budget was around $35 million. It all went towards fake blood and neon lights. This film makes Speed Racer look like The Dark Knight. I honestly can't stress how bad this film is. Just avoid it at all costs. Your life will be much more enjoyable if you do.
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CBM Contributor
12/14/2008
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