Rorschach01's Jennifer's Body Review

Rorschach01's Jennifer's Body Review

My take on the new Megan Fox horror movie. There could be some mild spoilers...

Review Opinion
By MarkCassidy - Sep 22, 2009 06:09 PM EST
Filed Under: Horror

Megan Fox is a slut, she says things about stuff that she shouldn't, she insults Michael Bay, she isn't that hot, she's stupid, she can't act, she has big thumbs, she probably has crabs and kicks puppies...

Ok, now that all of that is out of the way, no need to mention it again in the comments section;) This movie does indeed star everyones favorite hate/sex object, Megan Fox. But her character Jennifer is not the main protagonist. That would be Amanda Seyfried as "Needy". The two are best friends, despite Jennifer being the popular cheerleader type and Needy being the less popular geeky but still kinda hot type. When Jennifer is kidnapped by a Satan worshiping, piss ant emo rock band and possessed by an evil demon, that friendship is tested somewhat, and when Jennifer begins snacking on the towns male population to keep herself looking pretty, Needy fears she may have to take drastic action to protect her school mates, and most specifically her boyfriend, who Jen starts to show an interest in.

For the first 40 minutes or so I actually quite enjoyed this. The dialog is pretty snappy and even approaches witty at times. The acting is fine too. Sure, no Oscars here but they are all at least convincing in the roles they play,( which is more than I can say for a certain pretty lady from Whiteout which was so bad I'm not even going to bother writing a review for) Fox is ok, that is she plays Jennifer very well, but its still not enough of a role to really gauge her acting talents from. She is very effective in one early scene in Needy's house and even manages to be a bit creepy. Seyfried fares better and is definitely a talent to watch for. There rare also a couple of great cameos from the awesome J.K Simmons(J Jameson in Spider man) and a very quick one from Lance Henrickson.(Aliens, Terminator, Near Dark)

Unfortunately, none of this lasts, and what starts off as a perfectly watchable chiller soon turns into a hokey, cliched mess. Its as if they film makers forgot that the movie was supposed to be a fun, tongue in cheek horror and decided to actually try to take things seriously. Needless to say, it does not work and any attempt at emotion results in cringe factor 10. There is also next to no blood n guts in this. From the trailers it looked like gore hounds would at least get their moneys worth in that area but there are about 2 actual scenes of bloodletting and they are about as graphic as an episode of CSI. Anyone hoping to get a glimpse of Fox in the buff will also leave very..frustrated!

Like the J boys said in their review, this is probably the best teen based horror movie in some time(not that that would be difficult!) and there is a lot to enjoy in the early goings. But ultimately, even though it wasn't as bad as it could have been, after such a promising start, it wasn't as good as it should have been either.

2 1/2 out of 5 stars

About The Author:
MarkCassidy
Member Since 11/9/2008
Mark Cassidy is a writer, photographer, amateur filmmaker, and Rotten Tomatoes-approved critic from Dublin, Ireland.
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Roscoe182
Roscoe182 - 9/22/2009, 6:23 PM
nice review man i still dnt think il go and see it i really love 2 hate Megan Fox alot .. cant believe u sat through it musta been bad to only get 2 and a half


Ohh yeah first ...
texasboy
texasboy - 9/22/2009, 6:37 PM
I'll wait for HBO. If that.
Roscoe182
Roscoe182 - 9/22/2009, 6:38 PM
hahahah i doubt id even watch it on tv
Perrigren
Perrigren - 9/22/2009, 6:51 PM
Yeah I agree Ror, some very witty lines, Megan Fox seemed to play, well what I imagined Megan Fox to be like in High School. Seyfried was outstanding and Adam Brody was easy to hate. Would definitely recommend seeing it, good fun and better than a lot of the crap out there right now. The ending did seem a little rushed though, it would be interesting to see how much was cut out if a Director's Cut comes out when it is released on DVD.
Swiftsword777
Swiftsword777 - 9/22/2009, 7:05 PM
WHY IS THIS REVIEW POSTED AGAIN
antz1104
antz1104 - 9/22/2009, 7:24 PM
B/C this movies gotten ALOT of press and we all love to rag on this chick. This cemented the fact that I'll sit down this weekend and watch Battle Royale instead of going out.Frackin' great movie
Roscoe182
Roscoe182 - 9/22/2009, 7:44 PM
swift @ yer what antz said but mainly cus we all hate her an want 2 see her turn to porn..

antz @ battle royal is a freekin awesome movie 1 of my faves
TheMyth
TheMyth - 9/22/2009, 7:51 PM
Rorsch, the ending certainly was a 'wtf' anti-climactic ordeal, especially the final confrontation between Needy and Jennifer. I'd say it was an excellent film until a few minutes after Jen's 2nd kill (the retarded emo boy) at which point a level of... constipation? begins to show. almost like the last half was just rushed all to shit. If the movie would have evolved like it seemed it was going to, it would have been most excellent. as it stands, though, I have to agree with you, while the movie wasn't a steaming pile, neither was it spectacular. I would say... meh. lol. In the end, Seyfried and Fox rocked it. And yes, Megan was very creepy in many scenes, she played her part very well, and Amanda is certainly a personality to watch for.

Swiftsword, ummmm... because that's kinda a thing we do here at CBM in case you've not noticed.
antz1104
antz1104 - 9/22/2009, 7:52 PM
Roscoe @ maybe this would have been a better movie if it had been a porn w/ a demon subplot....We can wonder.
Betty
Betty - 9/22/2009, 8:24 PM
Photobucket
slimybug
slimybug - 9/22/2009, 8:56 PM
I especially like how you start the review by saying that Fox "can't act," and then go on to say that the movie is not enough to gauge her acting talents on.
bobofet
bobofet - 9/22/2009, 8:57 PM
@Betty look how weird her body looks there.
supermarioworldE
supermarioworldE - 9/22/2009, 9:02 PM
There's no gore, no T&A, and it tries to take itself seriously? What kind of sick horror film is this?!!
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 9/22/2009, 9:14 PM
Slimybug, I was making a little jokey at the start there about all the bile people spew about her on this site. I realize sarcasm can potentially be lost in print but I thought the bit about her kicking puppies may have made the penny drop.

Myth, excellent might be a tad too far! It was good, an entertaining flick, until that ending..and even quite a bit before i think it lost it.

Its still worth a rent though guys.

Mario, the worst kind of horror movie! Such a waste too because they were always going to be slapped with an R rating because of the language so they should have taken full advantage of it.
NERO
NERO - 9/22/2009, 9:21 PM
Yeah not going to see it until cable, besides I'm in Georgia, my theater is underwater. Not really, but jeez, this place is screwed up all over the place.
TheMyth
TheMyth - 9/22/2009, 9:24 PM
Rorsch, I'd say a bit more than halfway through is where it fell off. Until that point, I was lovin' it. I forgot to add my confusion about the R-rating as well. Seems, it is only there so they can cuss freely and have partial nudity. Then again, blood itself gains an R-rating, and despite the lack of detail in death scenes, Megan was covered in the stuff for a large part of the movie. Regardless, I wanted some disembowelment and gnashing succubi teeth on human entrails.

Slimybug, and I was just saying in another review of this film that much of the communique of online interaction gets lost in translation.
supermarioworldE
supermarioworldE - 9/22/2009, 9:34 PM
@rorschach, At least it got better ratings than halloween 2. I'll see anything that isn't Halloween 2 right now! I'll take your advice and definitely rent it


@nerosday, sorry to hear that dude. I recently lost a house in a fire, so the feeling is mutual.
superdog
superdog - 9/22/2009, 9:36 PM
Cmon ror. You care too much about the plot and the story and the acting and directing. Just enjoy the art direction and soundtrack. That's what it's all about anyway.

Myth@ what other review are you referring too? I'm assuming your not talking about my article cause as I said mine is not a review :)
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 9/22/2009, 9:41 PM
Shall we now call you...Pooch X?:)

Actually the soundtrack was awful. It thought it was all hip and cool but it was just piss ant rock ballads and pretentious idiots like Florence and the Machine.

Mario, Halloween 2 is probably one of the top 5 worst horror movies ever made.

God im in a bitchy mood today! Lets see, something good....Young Guns was on tv the other night!
LEEE777
LEEE777 - 9/22/2009, 9:45 PM
Oh man, i aint seen HALLOWEEN 2 yet! You are on about the new one right lol??
supermarioworldE
supermarioworldE - 9/22/2009, 10:09 PM
@rorschach, yeah, rob zombie is an a**hole. definite razzie award for halloween 2. as for Jennifer's body, i'll definitely rent it.

@Lee, yeah, im talking about the new one. The original two were classics and scared the living sh*t out of me when I was a kid (whenever the hell that was!). This new one questions my intelligence for actually seeing it.
TheMyth
TheMyth - 9/22/2009, 10:18 PM
Superdog, actually I think it was in your article, either it or Jman's review, when I said that body language and tone of voice aren't interpreted into print, so it is difficult to interpret a person's demeanor. Was it your article?

Damn guys, was Halloween 2 that bad? I haven't seen it yet. I think I got drunk that weekend instead of trekking to the theater. I REALLY liked Rob's first Halloween. What is so shitty about the new one?

Supermario, I would say wait for the rental as well unless your a religious theater attendee. I go almost every weekend, sometimes twice a weekend, so if your like that, go ahead and check it out, or spend an extra few bucks to see 'Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs' in 3D ( I saw that this weekend too, pretty decent flic, Up was better, but this will make you laugh pretty hard and your kids will love it if you have any)
supermarioworldE
supermarioworldE - 9/22/2009, 10:42 PM
Myth - yeah it was that bad. There were dream sequences every five seconds of that movie, and that's only scratching the surface! Halloween 2 was awful.

I loved Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs as a child, but i was weary about seeing the movie because it deviates so far away from the look and feel of the book. If you say it's good, i might check it out, but my expectations are a bit low.
TheMyth
TheMyth - 9/22/2009, 11:07 PM
Supermario, now don't go in there expecting glory lol, as I said Up was better, but it certainly does possess a fun factor to it... and it's in 3D! When I went, children under 12 outnumbered the adults in the theater at least 6-1 lol, and man those kids where having a blast!!! As was my daughter. If you have kids, or even nieces/nephews, take them to see it this coming weekend and I bet you will have as much fun as they do.


That sucks about Halloween. I didn't like the originals, I always thought Myers was a big pussy lol. And because of that, the remake was on DVD for a year before I broke down and borrowed it from my sister, and man I loved it. Too bad it must have been a fluke. For the record, Jason Voorhees would stomp a mudhole in Michael Myers ass! (thats for you Rorsch lol)
Macksimus
Macksimus - 9/22/2009, 11:13 PM
Awesome review Ror. Nobody does it better.

...looks like I won't be watching this anytime soon.
ironknight27
ironknight27 - 9/22/2009, 11:31 PM
Ror- I got your sarcasm in the beginning.I'm a smartass by nature so it was not wasted on me. Nice review as well and the movie seems to be what I expected. By the way its ok to be bitchy from time to time.
supermarioworldE
supermarioworldE - 9/22/2009, 11:50 PM
@myth, alright I'll check it out, but if it's bad, IM HOLDING YOU RESPONSIBLE!! just kidding
LEEE777
LEEE777 - 9/23/2009, 12:08 AM
Oh lol!
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 9/23/2009, 6:43 AM
"Hey Doc..Doc...Did you see the size of that chicken?"

For shame Myth!:) I kinda enjoyed the first Zombie remake, even though he completely missed the whole point of the character. He still had some nice gore and some tension. But the sequel is just a mindless cluster [frick]. He completely turns Myers into basically Jason Vorhees..so maybe you will enjoy it!;)
Shaman
Shaman - 9/23/2009, 7:19 AM
I LOVE JASON VOORHEES!!!! Seriously.. i actually do. JasonX is one of my favorite all time Horror movies. Don't ask why. I just grew up with it and given youth's innocence well, i just loved it and can't shake it off.

GREAT Review Ror!!! Loved your kicking puppies line :))

ironknight27- Being bitchy about a bitch is okay. Being a flat out bitch is nothing to aspire or encourage.
Shaman
Shaman - 9/23/2009, 10:16 AM
Actually Ror, if you have a few minutes to kill, i'd love to read your review of Whiteout :))
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 9/23/2009, 10:21 AM
hahah, ok if you insist...

Ahem..Whiteout is a piece of shit. Walk away.

Hows that?
ironknight27
ironknight27 - 9/23/2009, 11:13 AM
I wasnt going to see it anyway.

Shaman- True being a bitch is nothing to aspire to but hey we are all bitchy from time to time. Love your new avatar by the way. Joe Mad is an awesome artist and he was the only thing that kept me reading Ultimates 3.
BillyBlack
BillyBlack - 9/23/2009, 12:42 PM
"Reap the whirlwind Sheriff Brady..."

Hey ror01

I thought Zombie's first Halloween movie sucked. Isn't Michael Myers a half ass Vorhees anyway?
supermarioworldE
supermarioworldE - 9/23/2009, 1:11 PM
Halloween came before Friday the 13th, so Technically Jason is a half ass Michael Myers
Shaman
Shaman - 9/23/2009, 2:04 PM
Naturally Jason is bassed on Michael Myers. That's how you "IMPROVE". Jason will always be the best slasher to me!!! ;)

ironknight27- Good point! And YES!!! Joe Mad is The Man... the Mad Man!!! :))
BillyBlack
BillyBlack - 9/23/2009, 4:08 PM
supermario

you said came

Zombie made a bad Halloween move, now it appears he's done it again. The only "horror" was he got a lot of money to do it.
ironknight27
ironknight27 - 9/23/2009, 5:25 PM
Shaman- His work on X-Men alone was awesome. It sucked when he left the comic world for a while.
supermarioworldE
supermarioworldE - 9/23/2009, 8:00 PM
came, he, he
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