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Screw John Carter, Traci Lords Is: A Princess Of Mars

Here is the trailer for Asylum's latest masterpiece of the bargain bin, based on the very same stories from Edgar Rice Burroughs that we will see soon on the big screen in John Carter Of Mars.
Since Edgar Rice Burroughs' books are public domain, Asylum(Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus, Transmorphers: Fall of Man) is free to create their own take on the story. here they cast everyone's favorite ex porn star Traci Lords as Deja Thoris(Who will be played by Lynn Collins in the big movie) and shift main focus away from John Carter, who I assume is supposed to be the big muscle bound eejit in the clip. They even manage to slip an Avatar reference in there!



Rorschach01: Well, I'd watch it anyway!
2 Yes
0 No
RorMachine
11/24/2009
io9.com

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32 Comments

TRACI LORDS for the WHITE QUEEN! : P
LEEE777 - 11/24/2009, 5:26 PM
funny as shit ror
PhillyHulk - 11/24/2009, 5:28 PM
Damn lol!!
LEEE777 - 11/24/2009, 5:28 PM
antonio and traci = oscar
PhillyHulk - 11/24/2009, 5:29 PM
*blinks, shakes head, walks away while facepalming*

How does this stuff ever get financial backing to be made....
TheDemonHunter - 11/24/2009, 5:33 PM
SWEET! I love a good B-movie.
Number21 - 11/24/2009, 5:41 PM
wtf was that?
MsKyle08 - 11/24/2009, 5:41 PM
the same way way all those crappy videogame movies get made, I know the dude that made bloodrayne once said he makes more money if the movie doesnt do well, i have no clue how that is but thats what the man said
PhillyHulk - 11/24/2009, 5:42 PM
huh? wonder how that works.
MsKyle08 - 11/24/2009, 5:51 PM
I REMEMBER WHEN SHE USE TO DO PORN.
GUNSMITH - 11/24/2009, 5:53 PM
Definitely on my to-watch list.

@PhillyHulk & MsKyle08 - watch the movie The Producers - the process of making money from a flop is the basis for the movie. =)
Wiredwizard - 11/24/2009, 5:58 PM
You sure this isn't actually a porno? It looks as bad as one! ;)
TheAnswer - 11/24/2009, 6:13 PM
Porn can never be bad my friend!:)

But yeah, it looks awful. I do have a tolerance for these movies though, because they don't claim to be anything else. Fun can be had.
RorMachine - 11/24/2009, 6:18 PM
i think im addicted to CBM.
MsKyle08 - 11/24/2009, 6:39 PM
I think you are right Ror!! I'm away for some quality checks right now!
TheAnswer - 11/24/2009, 7:13 PM
Is it just me, or is Traci Lords wearing a Princess Leia Slave Girl outfit? lol I love the epic dialogue in this trailer. "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" I'm pretty sure even John Logan couldn't write a line that good! lol :-P
wolfmanremington - 11/24/2009, 8:15 PM
lmaooo @ "AHHHHHHHH".
MsKyle08 - 11/24/2009, 9:08 PM
LEEE- Rootin' tootin' shootin' there partner ;)

Traci Lords for White Queen in X4!!!











Shaman - 11/25/2009, 5:33 AM
I CAN SEE ANTHONY SABATO PLAYING MR. SINISTER
GUNSMITH - 11/25/2009, 5:36 AM
Gunsmith- Actually he has the perfect facial features for him, yes! BUT my favorite will always be Keith David! No one matches his deep voice and sinister smile!!!

Keith David for Mr. Sinister in X4!!!











Shaman - 11/25/2009, 5:40 AM
and Traci can take it in the back door without a flinch.
TheJester - 11/25/2009, 6:33 AM
This will probably be a better interpretation of the original story than John Carter will be. And it has Traci Lords. This is definitely on my must-watch list.

Agreed that Lords would make an awesome Emma Frost. She could bring a whole new meaning to XXX-Men.
comicb00kguy - 11/25/2009, 7:27 AM
better looking than avatar. this movie will change film making forever!!!!!
superdog - 11/25/2009, 7:46 AM
Princess of Mars will be the sole reason why Avatar will not come even close to breaking even with it's budget ;P
Shaman - 11/25/2009, 8:27 AM
I am so there........where ever it is.
DeathWalker - 11/25/2009, 8:33 AM
Haha, I actually like some of the creatures.
Betty - 11/25/2009, 8:53 AM
Traci Lords is the hottest of the creatures!!! :P
Shaman - 11/25/2009, 9:25 AM
SHAMAN @ ; )
LEEE777 - 11/25/2009, 10:27 AM
This movie looks hilarious!
Stumblin - 11/25/2009, 11:26 AM
traci and lynn collins and me = jizzzzzzz
Anil Rickly - 11/25/2009, 2:59 PM
Anil dude, we need to get together and hunt for chicks! You have the same taste as me(until proven wrong of course)!!! LOL :P
Shaman - 11/26/2009, 6:10 AM
Classic Sci-fi adventure?!?! Never heard of it...
Jimdlux - 12/15/2009, 9:01 AM

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