Why Green Lantern is Lame.

Hello fellow CBM'ers. As well you know, GUSTO is a huge Green Lantern fan. Usually one of his smart ass post is followed up by how great GL is. Well I am here to let you know that he is wrong.

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By toe mas - 9/20/2013


This article will jump from the comics and movies. I honestly never really cared much about the Green Lantern until I came to this site. Maybe because the movie was coming out at the time and I thought him let me see what this is all about. And that's when it all hit me. Now before GUSTO gets his blood pressure up and gas's up his creepy van and heads out to Vegas to find me. Just know that this is written with sarcasm and love. And why the hell and try and hide it $500 bucks couldn't hurt. And I promise if I win the money I will try and find a green lantern ring for Gusto and send it to him so he can play super hero at the old folks home. So strap on your C-Rings cause HERE WE GO !!! :


First let's start off of what most of us know. Well Hal Jordan is well a idiot. I mean he has always come off to me as meat head. I mean I get it as a pilot he is fearless and willing to risk his life (just like every other USAF pilot). But other than that the guy is about bright as the well his lantern. Hal Jordan to me is lame now maybe I am bias because I grew up watching John Stewart as GL. (By the way best GL ever). I mean here is a guy who is given the power to create whatever he can image to defend his sector and he usually comes up with baseball bats, golf clubs, and some other lame stuff. Or he gets really original and creates a plane or bus. I mean really that the best you can come up with. I mean its like Hal's brain is stuck in park.





Villains :
Let's face it villains are what make a character who is. Batman has the Joker, Superman has Lex Luthor, Wolverine has Sabretooth etc. Green Lantern has Sinestro ??? or maybe Star Sapphire, or Sonar, Black Hand. His villains could be so much better. I mean Sinestro just looks like a demon so he looks bad ass but he has the same powers except his run on fear and cancels out the GL powers with yellow. I mean really the color yellow shuts the guy down. Or he can go powerless by not charging his ring powered battery. I mean seriously that is just ridiculous. I mean the whole movie should just have focused on Sinestro, but instead you have him play second fiddle to Hector Hammond. I mean it like he is beating up a handicapped guy. HAHA come on. Other then the whole blackest night cross over no other villains from the GL camp have ever really taken down the Justice League or sent the earth into chaos. Again who would you rather see Hal or John fight Sinestro.








Team Mates :
The GL lantern corps in my opinion are creative enough with a lot of modification of powers to rival Star Wars. I mean you have a sectors of differently aliens with different looks and attributes. But some of them are just down right stupid. I mean come on a squirrel lantern, or tree head lantern, and female alien lanterns who dress like they are about to apply for job at Cheetah's. I mean does the ring sometimes just act like a pervert and give the guys full body suits and the women short skirts and titty tops. Haha maybe they should do a scan of the Battery that powers all the rings and maybe it will say Designed by GUSTO.



Finally here is my final reason why he sucks. The guy got his ass whipped by robin more than once. I mean come on !!!! Really I can see could nightwing or hell Tim but you got beat up by Robin wearing elf boots. And then you want me to believe that Hal can go out and save the universe. please !!!





Just give the ring to someone who knows how to use it. Give it to the greatest superhero of all time. THE GODDAMN BATMAN !!!



Here is to you GUSTO. You old Fart !!!
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13 Comments
GliderMan - 9/20/2013, 3:02 PM
Don't take the Lord's name in vain.
bazinga85 - 9/20/2013, 3:15 PM
GL is amazing
tomasocelot - 9/20/2013, 3:20 PM
I just wrote this to get under gusto's skin and see if I could get the $500 bucks. It's all light hearted fun. It deals with comics, cartoons, and movies. Someone forward this to gusto.
breakneckbeck - 9/20/2013, 5:20 PM
This is just dumb
NovaCorpsFan - 9/20/2013, 5:52 PM
Gusto won't give a shit.
CoolioVids101 - 9/20/2013, 8:01 PM
Hal Jordan is the best. Nuff said
JorEllinator - 9/21/2013, 4:28 AM
You sound like the dumbass guy who says he reads comics but he doesn't and only likes Batman. Sounds pretty accurate.
StatenMan18 - 9/21/2013, 11:47 AM
This is dumb lol

To each his own dude
CorndogBurglar - 9/21/2013, 12:46 PM
A lot of this stuff isn't accurate.

Only rookie GL's have a weakness to yellow. Hal overcame that a long long time.

Batman isn't able to control the power rings. He once put on a green lantern ring but he wasn't able to control it because he isn't able to overcome his fears and let go of the death of his parents. When the yellow ring found him, it turned him down because he was tainted from the little bit of use from the green ring. (Yes I realize how stupid that is considering Sinestro was a Green Lantern long before he got the yellow ring, yet it didn't turn him away.

Also, all those villains you named are serious badasses. Star Sapphire, Sinestro, Black friggin' Hand. Lets not forget Parallax and the Manhunters.

This just sounds like you have no idea what you are talking about.
BatManHeisenberg - 9/21/2013, 3:45 PM
While I love the ending picture, I agree with Jorellinator. Tune in next week for my editorial: Why Iron Man sucks.
BatManHeisenberg - 9/21/2013, 3:46 PM
*Second to last image. But Batman would be an awesome Sinestro Corp member, except for the killing part.
BatManHeisenberg - 9/21/2013, 3:53 PM
And evil. Batman may not be a Suoerman, but he has good traits.
CeltiC527 - 9/24/2013, 1:00 PM
Your lame for writing this article. And you obviously don't know anything about the GL comics, yellow hasn't been a weakness of the lanterns for 10+ years now. SO get your head out of your ass and keep up.

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