this is a character that im writing a story on

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By flames809 - 9/29/2009
name- Tyler Rodriguez

age- 21

eye color- dark brown

hair color- black

weight- 159lbs

height- 6'1''

gender- male

from- Dominican republic

live- new york

Relatives-aunt, cousins ,uncles

power- jumps over 11 feet, runs faster than a human, could see like an eagle , hear like a dog, could heal but has to be sleeping and cant not be attack while healing

weapons- two pockets knifes, three modify guns that were made to kill any kind of fantasy creature but Tyler change it to only kill vampires

back story- Tyler was saved by his parent from getting killed by vampires his parent took there live for his. sooner Tyler aunt took him in has her third son his aunt showed him from right form wrong and he never gave his aunt hard trouble. when he graduated from high school he attend the police academy and became a detective at that age of 20 he was only given to case he had no partner. his second case was strange it was a case about the death of a family that were all drain out of blood each time Tyler got deeper and almost to the end of it got every strange. one day Tyler went out to were the murder was at to find more clues but the only thing he found was a weird day on that day he got bitten by an old lady(vampire) and saved by a group of people that are called the hunter organization.
Tyler was brought to the hunter liar which its under new york city under the subway and the first person he meet was a guy named Gustavo who is the inventor, and the cook at first Tyler and Gustavo started of wrong but then they became best friends. then Tyler meet the boss of the hunter who showed Tyler the whole liar and to capture creature which was when Tyler believe in the boss that their are vampires and other creatures living amongst every living human on earth. the boss also told Tyler that he knew his parent and that they were hunters and they both die telling the boss that the vampire were reviving Dracula.the boss also knows that Tyler has vampire power and is afraid that he could turn into a killing vampire so he keeps a close eye on him
Tyler meet a girl Amanda who is really good friends with Gustavo he feel in love with her and found out that the hunter found her in prison by the vampires who killed her parents and took her they were suppose to feed her to the baby vampires but the hunter saved her before she got eating or bitten they gave her a nick name faith since she didint die
Tyler was team up with Gustavo,Amanda,johnny,Scott,Thomas,Ethan,tony gabrial(both bros),Alexandra, john, Bruce, Giovanni, Oscar, George, Eddie who are just one team.

so what ya think is it good or bad or so,so and i have big plans for all the characters and there will be a lot of twist and turn
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33 Comments
flames809 - 9/29/2009, 8:10 PM
multi- i know about the detective thing im just making things up since this is fantasy/action/comedy and ok i will try to use proper sentence and this is just a back story not the whole story
flames809 - 9/29/2009, 8:15 PM
and i had to fly threw it since i was falling to sleep
supermarioworldE - 9/29/2009, 9:13 PM
Im guessing, but you're from the DR right?

Does he have any alter ego?

And yeah, it's very hard to understand/read. Might wanna work on the grammar
tazmaniak - 9/29/2009, 11:13 PM
What happened to the article about the poll for the Spider-Man 4 villains?
InstigatorGIRL - 9/29/2009, 11:48 PM
flames don't listen to the negative feeds. I think its creative and if you want your character to be a detective at 20, let him. Its YOUR story. Its a good start. So good job! ^_^
InSpace - 9/30/2009, 1:20 PM
Dude I like it,but please put more enthesis (i think thats how you spell it) on other fantasy creatures after twilight and vampire diareies I'm beginning to hate vampires
Stumblin - 9/30/2009, 4:03 PM
Amen MultiPurpose, you can't get better if everyone says, "Wow, it's awesome!" You need constructive criticism in order to make yourself better, hence the grammar issues he's having. It's incredibly difficult to read and get into, but kudos for trying.
flames809 - 9/30/2009, 4:43 PM
multi- ima leave him at the age 20 since i already wrote he started at the age

inspace- well the vampire are not like twilight or vampire diaries the vampire in my story have no rules there ruthless and kill any one they want to even werewolf,zombies,gargoyles are afraid of the vampires not because of Dracula but because his son so its going to be way different

InstigatorGIRL - thanks and what ever happen to your story Daughter Nature: Elaral it was a good start and does she ever go to earth

stublin-true

Weiner123 - ok

supermarioworldE- yea im from Dr
nah he doesn't have a alter ego people see the hunters and they talk about and there is a internet website of where they talk about them and call them the people of the shadow but he doesn't have an alter ego they don't give a shit if people see them since they help the people out
and a teacher is fixing it up for me the story for me

flames809 - 9/30/2009, 5:50 PM
tea- he got bitten by a vampire the hunter took out some vampire poison. but some of the poison combine with is DNA and gave him powers

multi-ok
flames809 - 9/30/2009, 6:11 PM
any one that has a idea for a bad guy not the main villain and no werewolf right it down here and i iwll accept it
KeepItReal - 9/30/2009, 9:33 PM
Interesting. The part where the hunter org. took Tyler to their lair under the subway can open up alot of possibilities if you are willing to do the research. There are alot of areas that have been closed off underground and alot of history there too.

The writings very stilted but with a ittle patience and color for your words and phrases and correct grammer you could really get it flowing. Its very tight, open it up. Elaborate. It reminded me of the detective stories with Humphrey Bogart and such when they spoke in that cadence type of tone telling the story. Was that what you were trying to do with the writng? narrate it that way?

Dont get frustrated or put off or discouraged when someone gives you some constructive critisms. Its only to make your writing stronger. Knowledge is power. Embrace it.Take it and run with it. Soak it all up and then apply it. You have the desire to write, now you just need the skills. =)

What is the significance of him being Dominican if any? Will he later down the line have powers from his parentage? I only ask because its another factor to be explored. Say if he was from Jax Fl, its the capital in the world for lightening, and he could somehow manipulate those powers of energy. Just an example, something to tie him in from where he came from. So does being from Santo Domingo give him the power to defeat evil? You say he heals only when he sleeps. In Haiti they are known for their zombies that scientist to this day cannot explain or know little of. Haiti is right above DR. Could he use the power of say santeria, to counteract the poison of vampire bite? you know... just a thought. Have fun with it. Just let it come to you. Dont force it because then it will sound too contrived. I think you could do great things with this. I look forward to reading what else you have. =)
LEEE777 - 10/1/2009, 7:45 AM
FLAMES @ Make him 29, @ MULTI's right lol!!!

At 2O?? No way in hell! : D

Very good though apart from the age bit dude!
flames809 - 10/1/2009, 1:13 PM
lee- im staying with 21 29 is to old almost 30 i want the character to be young
flames809 - 10/1/2009, 3:17 PM
multi- 14 turning 15 the 20 of October
KeepItReal - 10/1/2009, 9:42 PM
Brother Voodoo... man! what a blast from the past...there is soooo much stuff out there too about voodoo... hence why I brought it up. santeria is voodoo used in puerto rico, santo domingo, cuba. It originated in cuba with the slaves... then moved on to the other islands then louisianna etc... very interesting subject. Angel heart is somewhat good in bring out some of the things done. but you got santeria and brujeria. good and bad voodoo.
flames809 - 10/2/2009, 9:33 PM
multi- im not feeling bad if ya criticizes and ima take the story seriously and entertainment

tea- 29 is old for me and ima think about the voodoo thing

keepitreal- that's good info
Killik13 - 10/3/2009, 5:03 AM
I don't wish to sound harsh, but I have a few issues.

I'd scrap the backstory element about his parents sacrificing themselves for him. This is a tired plot device and will simply draw Harry Potter parallels for a modern audience.

The idea of his genes being half tainted by a vampire attack is essentially a carbon copy of Blade, the Daywalker.

Also, no matter how they differentiate them with subtle differences, very few writers will be able to sell Vampires (or maybe even Werewolves) after this recent saturation of them; Twilight, Underworld etc. Try something far more obscure, the most memorable foe is the one least encountered. Do your research and find something that has been relatively untouched in modern media.

Please don't take offense to any of this, I'm just trying to help, and I wish you good luck with this project.
flames809 - 10/3/2009, 8:41 AM
killik- who do you think is the main foe
flames809 - 10/3/2009, 11:40 AM
multi- i dnt want people to say yippee i wrote something i just want advice and i take the advice if i like it and who say yippee now and days?
flames809 - 10/3/2009, 12:28 PM
multi- im already writing a draft and i what PIGGYBACK?
AND IF YOU SEE I SAID IM THINK ABOUT THE VOODOO AND I GOT A IDEA FOR IT IN MY STORY THAT WOULD MAKE SENSE
KeepItReal - 10/3/2009, 1:00 PM
CHICO lo que el quiso decir es que te estas copiando de otros. Necesita algo mas origenal, mas creible. Te estamos tratando de ayudar para que escribes algo estupendo. Demuestrale a ellos que estas en serio y si tu puedes. Yo pienso que si tu tienes la capacidad. =)
flames809 - 10/3/2009, 1:05 PM
keepitreal-oh OK and is going to be different
KeepItReal - 10/3/2009, 1:29 PM
Photobucket

=) we're here for you baby.

multi: aunque soy fanatica de La Mujer Maravilla? hmmmm? jaja
flames809 - 10/3/2009, 5:07 PM
whoa i got love birds here
KeepItReal - 10/3/2009, 11:30 PM
love birds? where? where? i dont see anything. dude... did you leave the window open?

multi: hmmmm
KeepItReal - 10/3/2009, 11:50 PM
il motivo per cui? lol...
KeepItReal - 10/4/2009, 12:08 AM
come divertente... lol! quindi Lei parla italian o dont Lei?
KeepItReal - 10/4/2009, 12:19 AM
danni il Suo spagnolo è buono! dove Lei l'impara?
KeepItReal - 10/4/2009, 12:21 AM
quanti lingue parla? che parte di italy Lei da? Io scommisi Lei è da ny.
KeepItReal - 10/4/2009, 12:31 AM
Donc parlez-vous le français aussi ?
flames809 - 10/4/2009, 8:55 AM
multi- ya have an interesting convo and its getting interesting

kir- no i let my comment open
Joslezio85 - 10/10/2009, 11:46 PM
hey buddy remember me? lol. Hmmm..I'm reading over this stuff.

First question. What happened to the story you were writing?
Second question. Ok, guess I only had one question.
I like the ideas. But as a few have said above. 20 is kinda young. Just bump him up a year or two, ya know?
Vampires are over played out, and as much as I adore vampires. If your going for the comic book aspect. You should come up with something more original. Have you thought about creating your own monsters? People write about Vampires and Werewolves like every thirty seconds. So if you came up with a completely new kinda creature to fear, people would be enticed. Now, I'm not going to say ditch the back story, which I read above somewhere. But, it needs fine tuning. I mean Harry Potters parents died for him. Blades mom died for him, I believe. Either way its been done quite a few times. There's a million different ideas that would work just as well. This is a lazy back story and people will call you out on it. You know I'm not being mean. You've got my e-mail write me if ya feel the need.
flames809 - 10/16/2009, 2:09 PM
joselezio- i got your email? and it way different ima tel you about it

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