Worst comic book characters we should NEVER want to see on film!

We all know that in the long history of comics there have been some amazing ideas for characters, and others that are just plain silly or ridiculous. Here is my list of characters that should NEVER be seen on film!

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By CorndogBurglar - 11/6/2009
Dogwelder



This might possibly be the weirdest character in history. Garth Ennis, of punisher MAX fame, created this character in his series called "Hitman." Dogwelder was part of a team called "Section Eight." What are Dogwelder's powers, you ask?? You guessed it, welding dogs to criminal's faces. We won't even get into the physics of how using a welding torch to weld a dog to a person's face is possible.


Arm Fall Off Boy



If this picture doesn't say it all, here's a short explanation. Arm Fall Off Boy is an old Legion of Superheroes character who was able to detach his arms, then he usually used it as a weapon. What else is there to say, really?

The Whizzer



Aside from having a name that makes him sound like he's constantly pissing himself, The Whizzer has super speed. That might be a cool power when you're talking about The Flash or Quicksilver, but this guy got his powers after being bitten by a cobra, then having a blood transfusion from a mongoose. If you're wondering why that would give him super speed, or save his life for that matter, then keep wondering...

Matter Eater Lad



Also a member of the legion of super heroes. If his name doesn't say it all, let me spell it out. His power is that he can eat anything...ANYTHING!

Stilt Man



Stilt Man began his career of shame in an early run of Daredevil. He has a suit of armor with telescopic legs, that make him VERY tall. For some reason he thought this would be a good thing for a criminal to have. His arch nemesis...power lines.

Paste Pot Pete



Later known as The Trapster, Paste Pot Pete didn't really have any powers. He had a glue gun that he would use to hold people in place. You would think this would be a villain for someone like The Flash, but no my friends, he fought the Fantastic Four more than anyone. The Fantastic Four for god's sake! This jobber deserves his place on this list just for thinking he could take them on with a glue gun!

Composite Superman



Joseph Meach worked at a museum dedicated to the Legion of Superheroes. One day, lightning struck the museum and endowed him with the combined powers of the Legion. He used his shape changing abilities to make himself a "half superman, half batman" costume. Having the combined powers of any super team would probably be a very cool prospect under normal circumstances, but this idiotic creation managed to make it completely lame. This is a perfect example of the campiness that used to take place in comics. Lets hope things never revert back to this!

And there you have it. Just a taste of some of the most ridiculous ideas for characters that have ever graced the pages of comics. Let us all hope none of these make it to the big screen!


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ThisFan - 11/6/2009, 10:27 AM
haha great article i agree with all.
Joe6Pack74 - 11/6/2009, 10:35 AM
DOG WELDER, ROFL!
LEEE777 - 11/6/2009, 10:39 AM
LMAO!!!

Actually cough cough, WHIZZER is part of THE INVADERS!!!

If they did a movie he'd hav'ta be in it! : D

[frick]ING funny sh1t though, lmao man!!
Killian - 11/6/2009, 10:44 AM
Dog welder would be awesome. Garth Ennis..didn't he do Preacher? Seems right with the likes of Arseface.
selinakyle - 11/6/2009, 10:55 AM
LOL...Arm fall of boy is definitely weird. Whats even weirder is that he uses it as a weapon.
Kyos - 11/6/2009, 10:55 AM
Ridiculous article...













...because Dogwelder [frick]ing rules! ;)
SirExcalibur - 11/6/2009, 10:55 AM
Lol my friend saw a comic in an antique store...I think it fits in with these ridiculous characters...the comic and character's name...Elongated Man!......Just...WOW AHahahahaha.....I'd stay in my crisis and wait for another super hero rather than be saved by someone who calls himself ELONGATED MAN....seriously lol.....I hear the ladies love him tho:p ahaha
Verdugo - 11/6/2009, 11:07 AM
You could add to the list the pathetic Madcap.
Wadey09 - 11/6/2009, 11:09 AM
hey dont forget about The Spot! y'know.... the villain that spider-man actually fell over he was laughing so hard?
oh and the Candy Man. this dude has guns that shoot candy. guess what? he tried to rob a TOY STORE!!!
needless to say he was taken down by a large group of three year olds.

and my personal favorite:
Disk Jockey! this fella didn't show up in the comics but he had about a ten page run in the novel Spider-man: Secret of the Sinister Six.
i recommend this book just for this scene. Disk Jockey is the only villain i know of that Spidey actually TALKED out of pursuing a life of crime!
selinakyle - 11/6/2009, 11:20 AM
hmm...i can see how the ladies could be a fan of elongated man. :D
selinakyle - 11/6/2009, 11:26 AM
stubby did u ever wail on someone with it?
selinakyle - 11/6/2009, 11:29 AM
@Multi: What? waramess!
LEEE777 - 11/6/2009, 11:31 AM
I'd buy that for 2 Dollars!! : D
CorndogBurglar - 11/6/2009, 11:35 AM
@ killian

yes, garth ennis also did preacher! he is a god among writers.

@ sirexcalibur

like multi said, elongated man is actually a very important character in the DCU. and actually very well received by fans!

@ LEE

the whizzer wasn't one of the original invaders was he?? i thought they were cap, bucky, toro, human torch, and namor. you could be right though! either way, he sucks!

@ tea

not sure about whizzer thinking that, i DO know that polaris thought she was magneto's daughter for a long time, until they revealed that the mutant powers you're born with aren't hereditary that is. :)

LEEE777 - 11/6/2009, 12:05 PM
CORN @ BRB, gotta take a WHIZZ!!! : D
LEEE777 - 11/6/2009, 12:08 PM
Ahhhhh thats better!!

CorndogBurglar - 11/6/2009, 12:15 PM
@ LEEE

LOLOLOL! seriously, if i had super speed powers, i'm pretty sure i could think of a better name than "The Whizzer". lol
CorndogBurglar - 11/6/2009, 12:22 PM
@ wadey

the spot almost made it into this!!! i'll put him in my next one. these guys are really just the tip of the iceberg. lol
LEEE777 - 11/6/2009, 12:33 PM
CORN @ Lol!!! You've got a point!! ; D

TEA @ LMFAO!!! Bwahahhahhahhahhahhahhahaha!!!!
JohnnyKrypton - 11/6/2009, 12:51 PM
Oh come on...The Whizzer has a yellow costume? Too perfect.
LEEE777 - 11/6/2009, 12:58 PM


Johnny, ya darn rite there man!!! ; D
SirExcalibur - 11/6/2009, 1:03 PM
Ahaha that's awesome, I never heard of Elongated Man till my friend told me about him. But you gotta admit it's a pretty funny name lol.
answer - 11/6/2009, 1:13 PM
@Multi, I'm confused, did I comment on this and it's disappeared?! :/
mgalusick - 11/6/2009, 1:15 PM
STILT MAN IS THE GREATEST FOE EVER CREATED! HE CAN GET TALL! HOW DO YOU BEAT THAT?

Wait no there is one better.

Armless Tiger Man 1 Pictures, Images and Photos
Armless Tiger Man.
JoshWilding - 11/6/2009, 1:47 PM
Haha, great article! :)

But who doesnt want a Whizzer movie!? ;D
bleedthefreak - 11/6/2009, 1:48 PM
only thing that's bull shit is stilt man. the character should have a solo movie and be the villain and every you know what i quit this joke i was gonna keep it going but come on... stilt man!!! seriously how baked were these guys to come up with this crap. i love welding class at my school and comics and dogs but what a stupid [frick]ing idea to come up with dog welder
BubbaDude - 11/6/2009, 2:01 PM
I remember reading a comic , maybe Daredevil or Spiderman, long ago where they were actually making fun of Stiltman. How he was a stupid criminal and wonderin g how he ever had any success as a criminal.



Yeah plenty of loser characters that we never have to worry about seeing on screen. Remember Dr. Druid?

And the Whizzer was originally in the "All Winners Squad"(stupid name for a super group right there). That was an original Golden Age Timely book. Timely was the old name of the company that eventually became Marvel. Roy Thomas retconned him into the Invaders when he wrote the series in the 70's.
InSpace - 11/6/2009, 2:08 PM
What about the chair guy from the Tick.
ReddHotPoker - 11/6/2009, 2:48 PM
Characters we would never want to see in a CBM? you forgot hundreds of the most lame characters ever! Known as the spin-offs! They're LIKE the cool popular characters we all know an love yet infinitely more lame!

-She-Hulk
-Superboy
-Superdog
-Supergirl
-Batgirl
-Spider-Girl
-Spider-Woman
-Spider-Pig
-Abominatrix
-Baroness Blood
the list goes on and on. And let us not forget the lamest spin-off ever created...

Robin
JoshWilding - 11/6/2009, 2:54 PM
ReddHotPoker: After reading Bendis' recent Spider-Woman comic book, I think she'd actually make for a decent movie!
CorndogBurglar - 11/6/2009, 3:34 PM
@ reddhotpoker

like i said, these are just the tip of the iceberg. i'll be doing at least another one, but in the 60 some years of comic history, you're totally right, there are thousands of horrendously terrible characters out there! lol
CorndogBurglar - 11/6/2009, 3:34 PM
@ inspace

lol, chairface chippendale.
SlaughterHouse - 11/6/2009, 3:37 PM
Come on, who wouldn't want to see a movie where a guy runs around welding dogs to people's face!? lol.

It's amazing how someone actually thought that that was a good idea. Did they think that was going to be the next Magneto?
hewilldefytheirgravity - 11/6/2009, 3:56 PM
I remember Matter-Eater-Lad,Paste-Pot-Pete, and Stiltman. These characters are quite embarassing. I've always enjoyed both Marvel and DC comics but as a kid it always seemed that DC's guys looked to clownish to be taken seriously. Way to many capes. LOL.
EphPhaThaINC - 11/6/2009, 4:12 PM
I swear...

These all sound like characters from The Tick

(BTW, Tick-greatest Saturday morning cartoon ever bitches.)

Something comes to mind whenever I see Composite Superman. I am immediately brought to mind of a certain Robot Chicken episode.

Gohan: "What's Composite Santa's power dad?"

GoKu: "I don't know, but he freaks me the F(FCCbeep)k out."
shibazz - 11/6/2009, 4:25 PM
I am a DC fan first and foremost! BatMan Rules !!! but the Justice league has to have the largest collection of Idiotic wastes of spandex i have ever seen. The Legion of Super Heroes is embarrassing. And i really hate the guy with the white pants that is a CowBoy. so dumb.
legder20 - 11/6/2009, 4:42 PM
You can kiss my ass ReddHotPoker! Most of thoughs characters should be in movies, or have their own, or have their own t.v. show.
BlackIceAngel - 11/6/2009, 5:39 PM
And now I feel infinately better about any characters that I've come up with.
AxlKomix - 11/6/2009, 6:13 PM
I'd wanna see all of these characters in a super-team movie with Powdered Toast Man. LOL
HarrisonBergeron - 11/6/2009, 6:26 PM
Batman: The Brave and the Bold has some doozies, I just watched an episode last week, "Night of the Huntress" that had a team lead by a guy named Babyface(I strong guy with a baby's face), his girlfriend was Man Face( A woman with the face of a burly unshaven man), his henchmen were a guy with keys for fingers and a guy with overpowering armpit odor. They all escaped from Black Gate, I hope these aren't the caliber of villains we get in Super Max.
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