The Toys Of Your ChildHood Ruined. You're Welcome.

Check out some of these hilarious knockoffs of some of your favorite child-hood toys, including such favorites as "Robertcop" and "Spader-Man"....

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By Comedian03 - 3/14/2011
Because a couple of you seem to be complaining that I "ripped off this article from Cracked", please notice that I do have them listed as a source, and also that I only chose a few of the toys they used and I added some toys I found myself, and used my own descriptions.

- The RoboCop knockoff, RobertCop.



There's 2 completely wonderful things about this toy. 1, it's not just some photoshopped image, it's a real toy with an entire Facebook page dedicated to it HERE. And 2, it's freaking called 'Robertcop'. The makers of this beautiful knockoff 'RoboCop' toy could have picked so many any names that actually make sense, RoboOfficer, RoboticCop, PoliceManWithMostlyRoboticBodyParts, anything would have made more sense then Robertcop, it leaves nothing to actually lead us to believe that this man is a gun weilding, sloth like moving robotic cop.

"Hey Timmy, wanna come over at play GI Joes?"
"Sure, but I don't have a GI Joe, I have a Military Paul"

- Darth Vader becomes Star Knight.



Behold, Star Knight. I cant even begin to understand this toy while looking at it. Maybe some point between 'Revenge of the Sith', and 'A New Hope' Darth got laid off for a while and had to take a job as a traffic cop? I think we'll see another image like this in the future when James Cameron decides to do a remake of Paul Blart.

- Superman can fly....With a parachute.



So, Superman can fly? Sorry kids. Ok so it's a simple explanation right? Or maybe this was during his time when he could just jump really high. Superman clearly lost his powers in a kryptonite filled battle with Lex Luthor right? So he takes the elavator to the top of the Daily Planet and jumps off with his parachute in order to fly around and save people, right? Ok maybe I'm reaching a little with that, truth is, there's no explanation in which Superman would need a parachute

- Spader-Man



I've yet to find out if this is actually a knock-off of Spider-Man, or just a misprint.
"Spader-Man, Spader-Man, does whatever a Spader"......Yea I don't know.

- Spider-Man, the fisherman? And archer?



Ok so clearly this is Spider-Man when he takes his day off right? Fishing has nothing to do with saving people...At all, in that case, why even wear the Spider-Man costume, wouldn't he just go as Peter Parker? The truth of the matter is, this isn't an action figure at all, it's more of a "doing nothing for hours, getting drunk, and beating your wife" figure.

- Super-Bat



This toy makes no sense for many, many reasons. The thing you might notice is he's gotten rid of the ear part of his cowl, and replaced it with a set of those bitchen giant radio head-sets from the 80's. The second, is that he's on a skateboard, maybe the batmobile, jet, boat, motorcycle, and his countless either modes of transportation are currently unavailable? Most likely he's just jealous of all the attention Bart Simpson is getting.

Oh, and for those of you who cant read the amazing description on the box, here it is:
THIS JUSTICE MAN ON SKATEBOARD HASA AMAZING "NON-FALL" ACTION GO FORWARD AND TURN RIGHT AUTOMATICALLY AS SOON AS HE COMES TO AN "EDGE".


And no, those aren't my typos, that's word for word what is on the box. Enjoy kids.

- Superman...Wait what?



So here we have Superman? Yea I don't know either, even more odd is the presence of Batman, and the Power Rangers on this package.

-Specialman.



Superman? Pft, Superman's overrated. Meet SpecialMan, Superman's adopted cousin with special needs.

-The Ultimate Super-Hero Team.



This was clearly the creation of some company that was on the edge of going bankrupt. Superman and Batman I get, adding a Ninja Turtle, um ok I guess, Spider-Man, wrong universe but I can look past that...Wait, Buzz Lightyear? Yea this just went from weird to, I don't know what.
Source: cracked
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51 Comments
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SmokinIndo - 3/14/2011, 12:49 PM
This toy is the daddy of all knock-off toys.

ROBBEATZZZ - 3/14/2011, 12:57 PM
WOW!!..LOL!
JediMasterJimMorrison - 3/14/2011, 1:02 PM
Damn Mexicans lol
Comedian03 - 3/14/2011, 1:04 PM
And the the guy who's comment I deleted from complaining that I ripped this article off from Cracked, well for 1, I only used a few of the toys they picked, and I actually have them listed as a source for their entire article.
Twenty23Three - 3/14/2011, 1:04 PM
Very similar article a few days ago on cracked.com, with most of the same toys and very similar descriptions...
Wildaniel - 3/14/2011, 1:05 PM
These toys are great, lol, I would buy them. Superman with a parachute and Spiderman fisherman and archer are the BEST!!!
ThaMessenger07 - 3/14/2011, 1:06 PM
I Have so many of those toys! LMAO
UltimateSpiderman - 3/14/2011, 1:07 PM
Where is cracked credited? I mean come on this is pathetic, same pictures same jokes.
GForce7 - 3/14/2011, 1:09 PM
Arrrrrrrrrrrh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
DrLecter - 3/14/2011, 1:10 PM
man.... that was really really strange.
It's like I just stepped into the fricking Twilight Zone.


Anyway
I think these toys are good visual representations of how snooty Hollywood types view comic book characters. They are just all the same. Low brow and stupid with the literary value of a saturday morning cartoon. It's all generic, garrish, meaningless hero worship.

Silly kiddy shit. It just all runs together.

As far as they are concerned it might as well be Green Wolverine and SuperSpider-Man. That's the reason they are willing to do a Professor X with hair and an American Banshee. Because after all it's JUST a comic....
Comedian03 - 3/14/2011, 1:11 PM
@UltimateSpiderman

Right at the bottom of the article by the spot where you can "Like" the add, where the sources for all articles are credited. And again, there are a few of the same pictures, not all, and I added my own descriptions.
THEBAMF - 3/14/2011, 1:12 PM
I live in El Paso and I see this shit every day.
THESPIDERMAN96 - 3/14/2011, 1:14 PM
super bat...........what?
special man haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahhaaaaaaaahahhaaaaaaaaaaha ooooooooooooooooooh god
Destroyer14 - 3/14/2011, 1:14 PM
Wow, now that is something. This is probably the funniest thing I've ever read. Spader-Man? Wow.
soldier1 - 3/14/2011, 1:15 PM
These are all toys you can get (or see) at your local Chinatown!!lol great stuff!
GForce7 - 3/14/2011, 1:20 PM
OCP doesn't run "ROBERT COP"

Arhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah
LEEE777 - 3/14/2011, 1:23 PM
BATMAN on a skateboard LOL!
Buddha29 - 3/14/2011, 1:35 PM
I gotta get me a pair of those Spiderman hip waders. I'm going shopping right now to find em'. They gotta be everywhere, right?
marvel72 - 3/14/2011, 1:36 PM
XD hahahahahahahahahahaha!
CanadaMan - 3/14/2011, 2:02 PM
I'd pay to see that superhero team-up on the big screen... XD
ThePublicMessages - 3/14/2011, 2:06 PM
You can find those at the flea market


Copy and paste this in your url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaxJTuTqbns
Betty - 3/14/2011, 2:29 PM
I want specialman right now. now!

The hero combo pack is rad.
Joe6Pack74 - 3/14/2011, 2:33 PM
Too funny, this post made my day. I wonder if Detroit will also get a Robert Cop statue as well.
TheAmarilloBlack - 3/14/2011, 2:40 PM
Thank you for your cooperation, gringo.

RobertCop FTW!
HeyVanity - 3/14/2011, 3:00 PM
WTF?! HAHA that's [frick]ing great.
bez666 - 3/14/2011, 3:03 PM
beltin.they remind me off the cheap ass toys ya got off a cheap ass auntie for birthdays
HeyVanity - 3/14/2011, 3:05 PM
Dude, your descriptions are just what was on cracked, but in your own words. Come on...
Betty - 3/14/2011, 3:14 PM
Is that the David or the James Spader man?
AlexdoxA - 3/14/2011, 4:12 PM
Now I know what the "creative team at Fox" does as a day job....
sambuca1970 - 3/14/2011, 4:16 PM
and these are all Made In China.. for the ignorant who think that Mexico has this kind of industry (and I'm not Mexican, I'm just NOT an Ignorant)
parascythe - 3/14/2011, 4:17 PM
special man looks like nic cage
ScarletVendetta - 3/14/2011, 4:39 PM
Still ripped from cracked.com
Knightstalker - 3/14/2011, 5:15 PM
Looks like someone did their Christmas shopping at the Dollar Store.
Luther - 3/14/2011, 5:56 PM
..so who's set to direct the RobertCop reboot?
NerdRage - 3/14/2011, 6:38 PM
I wonder if Special Man is British...Oh, yeah thats Smashing Gent
Vital - 3/14/2011, 6:39 PM
people talking about crack.com... stfu. Go away. You're ruining the fun of this thread.

These are awesome. I LOVE the Super-Bat description lol. It sounds a lot like how some of the users speak on this site :P Like a retarded kid typed it haha. So great.

Superman with a Spiderman toy is crazy, I don't know how the company hasn't been sued yet (probably are).

I like half of the 'new' Justice League lol. Batman, Supes, Spidey, and Raph! [frick] yeah! Haha.
Sjet - 3/14/2011, 6:55 PM
Is Spader-Man an action figure of James Spader in a Spiderman costume?
Betty - 3/14/2011, 7:16 PM
I just ordered star knight off ebay.
DrCKasady - 3/14/2011, 7:17 PM
lol buzz lightyear in that last pic!!
MightyMonarch - 3/14/2011, 7:33 PM
Spider-man outdoor heroes are not bootleg. ToyBiz produced these at the end of their license! Whoo boy.
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