Lobo’s Blackest Night, or: Lobo’s Posthumous X-Mas Special.
This is my short story idea for a Lobo Blackest Night tie-in.
WARNING: the following is intended for mature audiences only, or those familiar with the graphic violence and language usually associated with a Lobo book.
This is the strangest thing I have written yet!
Lobo’s Blackest Night
This is the first in a series of short stories that I plan to release every other week or so. I enjoy writing, and have a lot of ideas, some of which are good, but too small to be written into a long story. So I am going to b posting adaption’s of some of my smaller ideas.
To write Lobo, one needs to be in the right frame of mind, so bare with me, here it goes…
Hey, I’m just sitting around scanning over the most recent issue of DC’s Blackest Night and it got me to thinkin, who in the whole DC universe has killed sooooooooo many people that he would have a literal Hell on his hands if he had to go against em? Well the answer came to me, that person is none other than the Baddest Bastiche in the DC Universe, The Main Man himself, LOBO. It would take way too long to count off all the people he is killed, so I figured I’d write about who I see as his highest profile kill, and the reason I got jack for Christmas. At least thats what PHOENIX said when I asked her why Santa didn't bring me anything for Christmas. So without further ado, and more intentional spelling errors, I give you... the weirdest thing I have ever written...
Lobo’s Blackest Night, or: Lobo’s Posthumous X-Mas Special.
The Easter Bunny sat in a chair with his feet on his desk smoking a joint, I mean carrot. He was relaxed because all was right with the world. It was Easter and he was getting ready for his big day. Suddenly he was knocked to the floor by a huge explosion. The Easter Bunny leapt to his feet as the wall behind his desk exploded. He looked up to see a horribly disfigured corpse of a man, with one eye missing, he was wearing a tattered red suit and smoking a cigar.
The corpse laughed in a raspy, yet booming laugh “Hoo hoo hoo. Here comes Peter Cottontail Hoppin' down the murder trail, Hippity hoppity, Vengeance’s on its way!” the Easter Bunny looked up in terror as the man pulled a long blade out of his side, it was coated with dried blood. He pulled another knife out of his back.
The Easter Bunny stuttered in terror, “Listen whoever you are, whatever I did, we can cut a deal. I can make it right.”
The corpse walked closer and stabbed the bunny to the wall by driving the knifes through its long ears. He howled in pain as the corpse laughed “Who am I? The name is Santa Clause.” He knelt down and looked the Easter Bunny in the eye, “Tell me now rabbit where is he? I have searched the universe from top to bottom and I can’t find him. Where in the Hell is Lobo?”
Lobo laid back in a hammock surrounded by several scantily clad women that had red skin horns and tails. Lobo laughed as one of them fed him a grape “Mmm, the grapes of wrath are in season. Damn, I love Hell! This is the life, or afterlife…” he smiled and grabbed one of the demon girls and pulled her on the hammock on top of him. He smiled at her lustfully. He pulled her close and her hair erupted into flames “Hot.” He quipped. He was about to kiss her when a loud booming voice said “LOBO. RISE.”
Lobo looked up and shouted “I will if ya give me a minute!” he shook his head and saw that he was fading away “What the Hell? Awe come on, let me rest in peace, come on, the Main Man is on vacation!”
An unmarked grave in the middle of nowhere. The ground began to rumble and Lobo burst from the ground. He was disfigured and transformed into a Black Lantern. The Lantern Lobo looks around angrily and then looks at the ring on his finger controlling him. It began to glow and exploded. Lobo’s skin returned to normal. “Great,” he mumbled as he looked around and saw lights of in the distance “Now I gotta get a job. Where the Hell am I? An when did I die? What is this a fraggin fan story?” he started walking off towards the lights when he heard an inhuman cry. Lobo looked up “What the f***? I don’t fraggin believe it!”
He looked up as the sky filled with thousands of Black Lanterns that looked like Lobo “Aw Hell, I thought I fragged you already when I was a kid!” he shouted as the Black Lantern Czarnian’s descended on him. He reached into the shallow grave he dug his way out of and pulled out a chain with a hook on it “Sweet! I got buried with my gear, what else do I got down there?” He said aloud as he pulled a large knife out “This’ll do.” He turned and smiled at the onrushing dead Czarnians “Come on you bastiches, Lobo’s ready for a little reunion.”
Lobo jumped into the air and landed on the backs of two flying Czarnians and slit one of them all the way from their neck to their buttocks with the knife, causing it to split in half, he then swung the chain and it snagged into the eye socket of one of the flying zombies. Lobo grasped the chain and swung with it as the Black Lantern flew higher into the air in panic as it tried to shake the chain off. As it flew is drug Lobo through the air behind it. As he flew through eh air Lobo was laughing as he swung his blade around slicing the Black Lanterns as he passed them. Suddenly he was hit in the head by a metal object. Lobo fell several hundred feet to the ground, when he looked up he saw what hit him, it was an older female Czarnian holding a rusted walker. “Grandma?” Lobo said and rolled to the side in surprise as the woman stabbed the ground with the walker. Lobo grabbed the blade and decapitated the older woman “Damned old bitty, couldn’t cook worth a… ah frag it!” Lobo cried as the remains of his grandmother reformed and attacked him again.
Lobo swore as the Black Lanterns swooped in to attack him, as they did he heard a growl. Lobo turned to see a Black Lantern dog, his old bulldog “Dawg? Frag it, I can’t get rid of you!” he said as the undead canine bit down on Lobo’s boot with its impressive jaws, “Beat it mutt!” Lobo yelled as he kicked the dog so hard it’s jaws snapped off and the rest of it went flying through the air.
Lobo looked up to see that the Black Lantern’s had circled around him, but were not attacking. He looked at them angrily “Well, what are you waiting for? Are you gonna sit there till I die from old age?” the Black Lanterns stared at him with dead eyes and began chanting “Crusher. Crusher. Crusher.”
Lobo looked at them in confusion “Crusher? Why is that name familiar?”
A voice behind him spoke, “Because you killed him.”
Lobo turned around to see the Black Lantern Santa Claus and scratched his head in surprise “Mickey Rooney? I never killed you.”
Santa looked at Lobo in a rage and shouted “I’m Santa Clause damn it!”
Lobo nodded in recollection “Oh yeah, I remember Crusher Kringle. What do want with the main man?”
Clause looked at him evenly “A reckoning. I used the black ring to raise you from Hell, so that I can have my revenge.”
Lobo fingered the blade of his knife “So you’re the one who interrupted my vacation! So whatta we do now? How do I get rid of you and the rest of these fraggers?”
Clause cracked his neck as he answered “You fight me until you’re dead. Once we get you we’ll leave.”
Lobo sighed “Well, you’re gonna be here for a while. So what’ll it be Kringle? Shivs again?”
Clause nodded as he used his ring to materialize a deadly looking knife. He then lunged at Lobo, who easily blocked the knife with his own and then spun and stabbed Santa Clause in his ear. Lobo pulled out the blade and smiled as Santa dropped to the ground “well, that was easy.” He then turned to the rest of the Black Lanterns “So, how do I get rid of the rest of ya? Who am I gonna call?” he asked as a blade stabbed through his calf muscle “Ah Frag it!” Lobo shouted as he ripped Santa’s blade from his leg.
Santa Clause smiled and said “Like you said boy, we’re gonna be here a while.”
One hour later:
Lobo and Santa were still going at it, lobo held a hand out telling Santa to take a break “Hold it fat man, gotta catch my breath.”
Clause rushed him quickly and stabbed Lobo through the throat. Lobo pulled out the blade as Santa said “We’re not leaving until you’re dead.”
Lobo looked up quickly as realization struck him as he held the bloody blade in his hand. “You wanna dead Lobo? Alright then!” he said as he slung blood from the knife into the air. The blood morphed into an exact copy of Lobo. Before anyone could do anything, Lobo stabbed the clone in the neck with Santa’s blade, the mouth with the hook and chain and then in the head with his own knife. Lobo pulled until the broke the clones head off into pieces. Lobo then kicked the corpse to the ground.
“There. One dead Lobo, now cross over or whatever. The Main Man is leaving.” Lobo said as he pushed his way through the crowd of Black Lanterns muttering to himself as Dawg rushed towards him “Damn fraggin ghost, disturbing my rest. Miserable planet of zombie pansies to …” Lobo trailed off as he walked away into the sunset, only for Dawg to leap up and bite him in the thigh “Frag it!”
There you go, I know it wasn’t as good as the actual Black Lantern series, but I thought it was funny. I wanted to write a Lobo story, and now I did.
I plan on releasing more short stories down the road I suppose, if this one is well received. I have a lot of story ideas, but some of them are not long enough to be made into a story of my usual length which are roughly 20-30 pages in length.
Here is a complete list of my Fan Fictions that I have done here on Comicbookmovie.com:
Here is my list of Stories I have written on CBM
Justice League of America Vs the Legion of Doom parts 1-3 (Never finished)
Batman3: End of Days
Batman 4 Darkside of the Mind
Batman 5: Shadow of the Bat
Shadow of the Bat: Part 1
Shadow of the Bat Part 2
Batman 6: Knightfall
Batman Knightfall Part 1
Batman Knightfall Part 2
Superman: The Man of Steel
Superman: The Last Kryptonian
Nick Fury Agent of SHIELD
X Men 4
I have done numerous casting on this site as well, they are very enjoyable and I put a lot of thought into them.
My Pride and Joys
330 X-Men Characters!
THEHAWK Casts the ENTIRE 108 Members of the Justice League
And the rest.
Casting the New Gods of Apokolips
Batman's Rouges Gallery
Wonder Woman's friends and foes
X-Men 4 Cast
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