Jonah Hex Movie Review

<i>Jonah Hex </i> Movie Review

Want to find out if the Jonah Hex movie is any good, follow the jump for all the details. Major Spoiler Warning!

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By SandMan101 - 4/27/2010


I know there is some speculation going around about Jonah Hex right now, so I thought I would put most of it to a rest. I had the opportunity to catch the Jonah Hex screener in Los Angeles last Sunday and I have to say I was disappointed. The basic plot line of the movie wasn't too bad it was the execution of it.

The movie starts off with Jonah Hex on his horse dragging 3 dead bodies behind him. He rides into town and delivers these bodies to the local sheriff as a bounty and demands the reward. He gets double crossed and then a fire fight breaks out. This was the most exciting part of the entire movie. Jonah Hex lifts the covers off his horse and revels the Gatling guns (I know) but its actually cooler than it seems. He blasts the sheriff and his deputies and then finishes off the rest of the town with his six shooter. Now the rest of the movie goes down hill from here. We are a given a little back story of Jonah Hex about how he was a rouge confederate soldier who was given supernatural abilities by an Indian tribe after he was forced to watch his family burn. The man who killed his family General Turnbull (John Malkovich) has been in hiding and is planning to steal the blueprints from the government to build a super weapon. The President of the united states orders that Jonah Hex is to be found and forced into the military to stop his long time enemy General Turnbull. Jonah Hex agrees to help the government and goes on a journey to find him.

This is where we are introduced to Megan Fox’s character Leila. Leila is a prostitute with no back story, all we know about her is that she saves all her money to buy a piece of land and that she and Jonah Hex have feelings for each other. Leila is really only in the movie for about 10 minutes, and her acting was terrible.

One cool thing about the movie that I enjoyed was Jonah Hex’s ability to speak to the dead. He grips the hand or arm of a dead body and the person comes alive as long as his grip remains. The longer the person stays alive his body begins to burn and turn into ash. After searching for days with no leads Jonah visits the grave of Gen. Turnbull’s son Jeb Turnbull. This is where another actors cameo appears and that is the old Watchmen star Jeffery Dean Morgan as Jeb. So Jeb gives Jonah the location of his fathers facility and then returns to his grave.

Jonah then travels to a military fort in North Carolina and discovers what Gen. Turnbull is trying to build. Before he gets to him he is ambushed and then kills everyone with his dynamite gun( the one in the poster) He loses him but warns the President about his plans to blow up Washington DC.

We see Turnbull testing his Super Weapon. Its pretty much a giant cannon that shoots canon balls into a city. Then it shoots an orange orb (looks just like the dragon ball) into the town and this causes a chemical reaction and blows the city to hell. Turnbull takes his men and loads the weapon on the boat and heads off to blow up Washington D.C.

I dont want to give away the ending but I will say the final showdown between Turnbull and Jonah Hex wasn't very climactic. And honestly that was my biggest problem of the movie was the rhythm of it. It has a good story line but it was not well paced. It was slow for too long so as the viewer you would loose interest in the movie. I wouldn't go as far as saying its the worst cbm ever, but I will say it had so much potential and I honestly was really let down.
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20 Comments
dellamorte1872 - 4/28/2010, 5:27 AM
AS SOON AS I SAW THE EXCLUSION OF HEX'S TRADEMARK EYE, I KNEW THIS MOVIE WOULD BE TERRIBLE. SHAME....BROLIN IS A GOOD ACTOR.
Shaman - 4/28/2010, 5:36 AM
Woah, Sandman! That's actually a damn good review! Very well written ;)

Thanks for bringing us this info, at least now we know what we're heading into and we also won't be trampled by high expectations. We might enjoy it more that way.

You've done us a great service!
superdog - 4/28/2010, 6:54 AM
nice review sandman. i like the jonah hex character but never really had high hopes for this. he is a very difficult character to translate to the big screen. hes better off staying in the comics and an occasional cartoon cameo.
jazzman - 4/28/2010, 7:06 AM
nice review

i had a feeling it aint that good cause of the director Jimmy Hayward never done a live action movie at all.

@MultiPurposePoni

just need a giant spider LOL
THEMRTERRIFIC - 4/28/2010, 7:18 AM
Thanks for the review. Don't know if I'll see this one.
Shaman - 4/28/2010, 7:34 AM
jazzman- "just needs a giant spider"

...with gaitling guns.
Shaman - 4/28/2010, 8:03 AM
Multi- "Pity, huh? Apparently DC doesn't have the balls to make a Flash or Wonder Woman movie but they don't mind shitting out watered down crap like The Losers and Jonah."

Sums it up nicely i say.
AlexDeLarge87 - 4/28/2010, 8:09 AM
There would have been a dozens different directors in Hollywood and they chose Jimmy Hayward who has directed only one film... HORTON HEARS A WHO! Yeah i know! Its a Animated movie!:(
The movie should have been more dramatic and realistic like?... Clint Eastwood´s Unforgiven, A Few Dollars More or A Fistful of Dollars, then it would have been great!
Sam Mendes, Marc Forster, Matthew Vaughn or Robert Rodriguez as the Director and Brian Helgeland, Mark Neveldine/Brian Taylor, William Monahan or Rhett Reese/Paul Wernick as the screen writer or writers.
Ouh! And the cast needs lots of great and famous actors (In the small roles too)! THEN ITS PERFECT!:)

jazzman - 4/28/2010, 8:22 AM
@Shaman

i agree with the gaitling guns comment lol

@MultiPurposePoni

dont think its DC fault its more to do with WB and their relationship with Akiva Goldsman.

they need to get rid of Akiva Goldsman cause his the producer of both The Losers and Jonah Hex.

THEPHOENIX - 4/28/2010, 8:24 AM
I had such high hopes for this one. HAWK is gonna be pissed! Hex is one of his favorite characters. Eh, Hawk will probably jsut write a story about what he'd want to see in it.

If they were going this route, it could have been done well, they should have gotten Robert Rodrigez to do it.

@Multi. Hard to believe Kenneth Branagh was in that isn't it.
imnotwearinghockeypants - 4/28/2010, 8:38 AM
I could see the suck on this movie a mile away.
topgooner187 - 4/28/2010, 8:52 AM
failure
48and2 - 4/28/2010, 8:53 AM
It could have been amazing - lots of potential there. If it attracted Brolin and Malkovich, the script and sell must've been great.

This sounds like an honest review, but you can't tell THAT much from it. Some people like it fast paced, some people like it slow paced, some people like both with crescendos here and there.

No mention about the eye... However the "orange ball" sounds absurd lol.
Shaman - 4/28/2010, 9:09 AM
Tea- Not sure he'll read it. I don't think he wants the spoilers and all.
HelaGood - 4/28/2010, 9:22 AM
no surprise here...
Betty - 4/28/2010, 9:47 AM
aww poop-ass.
Shaman - 4/28/2010, 10:03 AM
Betty- I'll add "gaitling" to your poop ass LOL :P
Set2Fallfirst - 4/28/2010, 11:23 AM
Hahaha @shaman True :] and Multi correct


But if i can say something theyve done right its Geoff Johns as head of the creative department. So now I dont think crappy movies like losers and Jonah will be made anymore. DC is either hit or miss with me movie was Comic wise I am always entertained but now that Geoff the man Johns is head i think were good from now on.
Shaman - 4/28/2010, 1:26 PM
Tea- The whole series is terrible, that episode was as good as anyone could have made it. You can't hate Johns for that LOL ;P
SandMan101 - 4/28/2010, 6:35 PM
thanx again for all the feedback i appreciate it! @ multi- no there is no giant spider lol but god knows it would have made the movie much more entertaining!!! lol and thanx again for the article tweak i appreciate it! @ teabag- I was kinda hoping Georgia would give his thoughts but i think i annoyed him enough last time lol

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