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Belated GI Joe Review

The movie was okay. Good for kids because it keeps your attention. The acting was horrid. Even Quaid was pretty bad this time around. The highlight was Brenden Frasier's cameo. The only character that I liked Snake Eyes, maybe because he didn't utter any stupid dialogue. Cobra Commander was somewhat entertaining even though he was a poor-man's Darth Vader...
Some elements from the cartoon would not translate at all. For instance the names "Ripcord, Duke, Heavy Duty, Cobra Commander" kept the movie on the other side of dumb for me. At least with Baroness they tried to give a reaonable explanation for the name.

The high point of the movie for me was the chase through Paris, and also the fight scene between the young Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Scarlett was HOT and so was Baroness. The special effects (some) were pretty good. Those accelerator suits were badass, though I've heard so much negative shit about them that was in the back of my mind watching the scene. Kind of like with the superhero movies where you hear the actors cry about the discomfort of their costumes...

All-in-all it wasn't bad except for ONE THING...Channing Tatum. My goodness, he was more useless on screen than a rock. Not only can he not act for shit, but he also had shit dialogue to work with. He looks like he could be the next Brad Pitt, but he's such a terrible actor the look wont get him nearly as far. But the VERY WORST PART of that ass clown was the WAY he talked!! See I noticed in that trailer for "Fighting" he talked like a thug. I didn't think anything of it, since it seemed like a "Rocky" knockoff it stands to reason that the main character has to have some non-mainstream way of talking.

Then I see this movie...and he STILL talks like a freaking thug!? WTF? I don't think military captains talk like they're in an Eminem video, do they? It was so obnoxious I despised every scene with him (except the ones where he got beat up). And this is the same guy who said he'd like to play Captain America?! Screw that! This dude needs to learn how to speak properly, THEN take acting lessons, THEN stay the hell out of any Marvel Movie aside from "Howard the Duck II" in which he would be playing said duck...take him out of the movie, and it makes it to the level of "meh".

BTW I think the picture for this article says it all..."douche" (and I got it from google image).
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TheDurkinKnight
8/23/2009

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4 Comments

my last post was deleted! but i'm still 1st. once i saw the accelerator suits (sorry i think it looks HALO-esque, and GI JOES never wore that shit in my day), and the casting (CHANNING AS DUKE! not surprised you feel he was horrible). i mean you have "HEAY DUTY" the poor man's ROADBLACK (which ADABEZI would be phenomenal at). MORON WAYANS as a non-sensical character (a bit player in GI JOE lore gets an ethnicity change and becomes a silly integral character). there were so many things going against this movie dude. every rumor i heard was worse than the last.
dellamorte1872 - 8/24/2009, 9:22 AM
"your day"? I'm guessing your closer to my age then-downside of twenties? I'm glad you agree. I cant figure out how some of these chodes became so popular. Guys like Channing Tatum and Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill...WTF is wrong with movie watchers today?!
TheDurkinKnight - 8/24/2009, 2:17 PM
Dellamorte, wow, now that you mention it, I totally see Master Chief lol.

Durkin, lol, downside of 20's. Yea I'm one of those too. I had dozens of GI Joe's and Ninja Turtles as a wee one. I don't have any strong feelings either way in this movie as a whole, some parts I liked, some I loathed (Moron Wayans, lmao)

What's wrong with Rogan and Hill? Funny People was great!
TheMyth - 8/26/2009, 10:48 AM
why does HILL have that huge and noticeable burn on his arm? any of you know? i always wondered lol. funny people...i did not see i'm waiting till ON DEMAND
dellamorte1872 - 8/26/2009, 2:15 PM

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